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I learned that just by being who we are, as a family, is one way God uses us, and that we are to continue to invite those in need of family to come alongside us and participate. We got to know many dear friends in Cebu who had a very skewed view of family because of the brokenness they endured growing up. It always surprised us when we were told that just being around us helped someone to learn what a healthy family is. That taught me that focusing on and prioritizing the health of our family is a very important part of life and mission and that it is to be shared with others.
I learned that what God is doing in me is just as important, if not more important, than what I am actually doing. And how I make myself available and open myself up to his shaping and molding in the process is key. I have found that these things go hand-in-hand. As I reach out to others or challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone, there is fertile ground for growth.
I learned how dangerous my independent nature, my default mode is. There are some real benefits of being strong and independent and it has worked well for me for most of my life but I've learned that when under stress or when I feel my needs are not being met I tend to shut down and withdraw into myself, shutting out those closest to me. I find it hard to admit that I am struggling and that I need help and thus isolate myself from God and at times from my husband. I feel these past seven years in Cebu have been a slow and gradual undoing of that unhealthy form of dependence on self and I've learned an increased awareness of God in every detail of my life and am learning to remain in Him. I want to live like a tree planted by streams of water, to drink from the water Jesus has – the spring of water that wells up to eternal life – the water that truly satisfies.
One of the nice parts of our time off and the bonus time due to our visa-delay has been more time to reflect on the life we left behind in Cebu. After a recommendation from my spiritual director, I took some time on New Year's Day to sit in the woods and write out what I've learned during our time in the Philippines.
Our church family in Cebu is special and I learned a ton from being with them for seven years. Through their example, I gained a fuller picture of what it means to be a
Jesus-follower. I have learned
(still learning) how to integrate my faith into every aspect of my life, which must include engaging with the broken and suffering world around me. Jesus has such a heart for the poor, the broken, the outcast, and I saw this up-close during my years in Cebu. I learned that when confronted with suffering, that I am not responsible for changing peoples’ lives or fixing their
problems but my job is to show love through care and kindness and share what I have – my time and my
resources. I learned how to use the
unique giftings and skills that God has given me to bless and serve those
around me. I just need to be faithful with what I have.
I learned my vocation – what I love to do and what I want to
focus on and I now know comes natural to me. This has become crystal clear to me and I can't wait for more opportunities to pursue the following in India:
- Midwifery - my dream is be around birth again but need to find a mentor first to supplement my training and get some more experience
- Birth/breastfeeding care and education
- Women’s health education
- Sex education & christian identity teachings for teens/young adults in the church (there was such a huge need for this in the Philippines!)
- Teaching self-care/health/wholeness/spiritual transformation
I’ve learned so much about myself and what I need to stay
rooted, centered & healthy - what sort of rhythms to include in my daily/weekly life that keep me at my best, such as being thankful, staying positive, not complaining, taking time to be quiet and present with what is true about me, cooking and eating well, exercising, being open about what I'm feeling with my husband and close friends... I learned more about my core
identity as a beloved child of God and am learning how to rest in that knowledge and live out of security that comes with it.
I learned that I have a lot that I can teach and share with
others and that I don’t have to strive to do what I see others doing, trying to be something that I'm not or what I
feel I should be doing, but intentionally find ways to use the giftings I
do have that feel natural. The point is to be using my gifts and talents, to be reaching out – oftentimes to the
point of discomfort and inconvenience. I don't want to not live an independent, insular
life but a life that is open, dependent on God to guide and empower me each
day, to show me what he is doing and how I can be a part of it. I need to
keep working on loving well at home with my husband and
daughter, to serve them well – to be kind and patient with them, and
selfless and I fail at this often! But the point is, I can't just focus on loving people outside when I'm not doing it at home. This must be where these things are practiced and then it flows naturally outward from there.
I learned that just by being who we are, as a family, is one way God uses us, and that we are to continue to invite those in need of family to come alongside us and participate. We got to know many dear friends in Cebu who had a very skewed view of family because of the brokenness they endured growing up. It always surprised us when we were told that just being around us helped someone to learn what a healthy family is. That taught me that focusing on and prioritizing the health of our family is a very important part of life and mission and that it is to be shared with others.
I learned how to be a better listener and that I don’t have
to solve problems and that when I do something as simple as meeting with
someone for coffee and letting them talk, listening well and
occasionally encouraging, maybe sharing what I'm learning, that that is discipleship and it’s an important part
to play.
I learned an appreciation for clean air, nature, open space
and places to exercise outside. I never knew how good we had it in the US and Chiang Mai in our big subdivisions with wide streets and sidewalks until we moved to Cebu City!
I learned that what God is doing in me is just as important, if not more important, than what I am actually doing. And how I make myself available and open myself up to his shaping and molding in the process is key. I have found that these things go hand-in-hand. As I reach out to others or challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone, there is fertile ground for growth.
I learned that I desperately need to walk closely and
intimately with Jesus in everything. I'm finding real benefit it remembering daily (constantly) that I can't do everything on my own. I don't want to live like that. It's too tiring. I think Anne Lamott has it right saying her most essential prayers are Help! Thanks! and Wow!
I learned how dangerous my independent nature, my default mode is. There are some real benefits of being strong and independent and it has worked well for me for most of my life but I've learned that when under stress or when I feel my needs are not being met I tend to shut down and withdraw into myself, shutting out those closest to me. I find it hard to admit that I am struggling and that I need help and thus isolate myself from God and at times from my husband. I feel these past seven years in Cebu have been a slow and gradual undoing of that unhealthy form of dependence on self and I've learned an increased awareness of God in every detail of my life and am learning to remain in Him. I want to live like a tree planted by streams of water, to drink from the water Jesus has – the spring of water that wells up to eternal life – the water that truly satisfies.
I learned that when I am remaining in Him (practicing attentiveness to his presence) that being led by
His spirit comes very naturally and He guides me and it feels light and
natural, not burdensome, to extend myself.
I am learning how to be me and to not be hung up on getting it right all the time. My spiritual director shared a helpful analogy with me recently. God is like a Papa (or Mama, I might add) and we his children. He loves
us just the same whether we are sitting on his lap spending time with
him or enjoying ourselves caught up in play or doing something we
enjoy. He delights in us, period.
I can say that I am happy and content, with much much joy, peace and fulfillment. I have so much to be thankful for. Twenty years ago I was recovering from cancer, doing drugs and drinking like a fish trying to be something I wasn't and desperately crying out to God for a new life. I had a huge hole in my soul and I knew I was meant for something other than the way I was living. I love that I am growing more comfortable with who I am and what I am created for and I look forward to living more and more authentically and comfortable with my true self as I enter my 40's (very soon). ;-)
I can say that I am happy and content, with much much joy, peace and fulfillment. I have so much to be thankful for. Twenty years ago I was recovering from cancer, doing drugs and drinking like a fish trying to be something I wasn't and desperately crying out to God for a new life. I had a huge hole in my soul and I knew I was meant for something other than the way I was living. I love that I am growing more comfortable with who I am and what I am created for and I look forward to living more and more authentically and comfortable with my true self as I enter my 40's (very soon). ;-)
