Ana Mae, No More Pain

There is just no easy way to put this.  Ana Mae went to be with Jesus today.  I was with her and her family when she passed from this life to a much better one this afternoon.  She had declined rapidly since I saw her yesterday.  Yesterday she was in pain, similar to the pain she's been experiencing for months, but she could move her limbs and even sat up to drink water to take medicine.  I honestly thought she had months left and I had planned to figure out the best way to care for her over the next while.  When I arrived this afternoon (we had planned to bring her to hospital) she was paralyzed, eyes rolling in the back of her head with labored breathing.  The family decided to keep her at home. 

My good friend Tabitha joined me today.  We anointed Ana Mae with oil and prayed.  We worshiped.  We invited God's presence and peace and rejected fear.  Ana Mae tried to speak at one point but wasn't able to.  I could see her trying to focus her eyes on me and the others around her.  I just held her hand and we told her how well she had done, how brave she is and how Jesus is here and she is safe.  We prayed with her family to surrender her to the will of God.  We began to take communion together when her breathing became very slow and each breath became a gasp.  Then she sighed with a slight grin on her face and was gone.  She was surrounded by her grandmother, parents, sisters, aunties, classmate and cousins.

About ten minutes before her last breath a verse from Romans popped into my head and I felt the Lord was saying that he was going to bring good out of this, for this family and for this community.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

I really did not expect this to happen and so soon.  I had hoped for healing till the end, but despite my lack of understanding about why and how this happened, I saw God's grace in this - the timing and quickness of it.  There is some comfort in knowing that her suffering is done and did not drag on for months. 

We hope in the Lord not because we are sure we will get what we want.  We hope in the Lord because he is good, faithful, powerful and loving. 

Thank you for caring for Ana Mae from near and far, for praying and for sending money.  It is nice to know the family does not have to stress about money right now on top of their great loss.

Ana Mae's MRI result

I've been dreading writing this post for the past two days.  We got news of Ana Mae's MRI result on Saturday.  It's about as bad as it can be.  Cancer in her brain.  Cancer in her spinal cord.  Cancer all over her liver.  I hate cancer!

Doctor says he believes the progression of the disease went like this:  From the nose to the brain, across the blood-brain barrier to the spine and then to the rest of her body.  There is narrowing of her spinal cord and a compression fracture in her thoracic spine. This explains the pain in her back and her difficulty walking.

At this point further treatment would be palliative only, or treatment can be abandoned and supportive care can be given.  Ana Mae and family will meet with the doctor tomorrow to discuss these options.

I honestly did not expect this.  It is quite a shocker for me as I know it is for Ana Mae and her family.  As tempting as it is, we must not give up hope.  It is not up to the doctor to decide how long Ana Mae will live.  Until the Lord tells me something different, we will continue to pray for complete and miraculous healing.  I am not willing to accept that this is God's will for Ana Mae.  We will press in and pray intensively over the next weeks.  Please join us in asking for revelation, wisdom and breakthrough as we pray.  Let us not be discouraged but ramp up our prayers and exercise the authority afforded to us by Jesus' death and resurrection to overcome the power of the enemy.

As you pray if you get any insight or words of encouragement, please send them along.

Ana Mae - Treatment Resumed

Here's the latest on Ana Mae:

She was discharged from hospital on Friday. She was admitted for the day at a different private hospital on Saturday so that we could access their blood bank and she could receive the blood transfusion. Everything went well with that. She seemed to be feeling better so her doctor resumed her treatment.

I saw her this morning at the cancer center where she received radiation and chemo today. Tomorrow should be the last radiation in this round and next Tuesday will be the last chemo. We have just enough money to cover the remaining treatment after paying for the hospital admission and blood transfusion last week. We always seem to have just enough, for which we are very thankful for.

Ana Mae still complains of weakness and pain in her legs and lower back. The x-ray she had last week did not show any structural damage from the fall she had a while back.  The doctor says we need to rule out anything affecting her spinal cord and gave us a request for an MRI to be done next week.  She will also need another CAT scan next month to check the effect of her treatment on the cancer.  We're not sure yet where the money for this will come from but we are trusting God for it. He has provided everything up to this point so I'm not going to worry about it.

Thank you for your help on behalf of Ana Mae.  Please keep praying with us for complete and miraculous healing and for the on-going cost of her medical care.

Quick Ana Mae Update

You're prayers have helped. Ana Mae is feeling much better.  The results of the tests that were done came back normal except for her low blood counts. The doctor said she could go home later today if the blood transfusion went well but we were not able to find blood in her type.  I drove around most of the morning and went to four blood banks but no one had type A+ or was willing to share it with us. I learned that the private hospitals prioritize the blood for their patients only, so since they didn't have any "extra" and because Ana Mae is in a different hospital (which has no blood bank), we couldn't get it from the private hospitals I went to.  So we brought 3 healthy-looking males with type A+ blood to the hospital this afternoon for screening as potential donors and all three failed the hemoglobin test.  Darn.

So as of now, we just need blood. If we can't find more potential donors in the morning we will see about getting her transferred to a hospital with it's own blood bank so we can access the blood there. After the transfusion she can be discharged. The plan is to see how she does at home for about a week and during that time the doctor will decide how urgent or necessary it is to have her get an MRI in order to see if there has been any metastasis to the spine or brain. More time for us to pray!

Urgent Prayers Needed for Ana Mae

I saw Ana Mae yesterday at the cancer center after her 33rd radiation treatment. As of then she only had 2 more radiation treatments and 2 chemo treatments left in this course. She was supposed to have her weekly chemo after the radiation session but begged the doctor to let her do it the next day instead. She was very upset and crying and clearly very agitated and uncomfortable. She had recently developed a nagging cough.  Her skin on her face and neck is burned and her mouth is full of ulcers, which are side effects of radiation therapy. She has reason to complain. The doctor agreed to let her postpone the chemo till today.

The plan was for her to come back this morning for her second to last radiation treatment and her second to last chemo treatment. A few of us from our congregation were going to visit by the time she got back later this morning. When we arrived Ana Mae's family told us that she refused to go for treatment today.

We went inside and saw her lying down, clearly very weak, in a lot of pain and emotionally distressed. Her mother told me that she hasn't eaten much since yesterday. Ana Mae told me through tears that she couldn't sleep last night, that she has pain in her back and legs and is unable to walk. She still has a cough.

We prayed for her and she seemed to settle and experience peace. The pain lessened. I helped prop her up so she could take some cough medicine. 

I called the doctor and informed him of her situation and he told us to bring her in to be admitted. He will stop the treatment for now and wants her on fluids and close monitoring in hospital. We brought her in and they did some tests. She needs another blood transfusion.

The doctor told me there is a possibility that due to the toxicity of the cancer cells, some may have leaked to her spinal cord and/or brain. He said it's called micro-metastasis and if this is the case it would not look good. The good news is, it might not be micro-metastasis. We don't know that that is the case right now. In fact, she had a fall several weeks ago that may explain the pain in her back and legs as she has been complaining of such pain since then.

Please join us in praying for:

• Every cancer cell to be gone. 
• His peace to surround her and comfort her.
• Resolution of any back/leg pain. 
• Continued provision for her medical bills (I have a couple hundred dollars left)

Last Sunday morning my friend in our congregation talked about the story of the persistent widow in Luke 18.  What I learned is carrying me through this week.

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

I always thought this story was about justice and couldn't necessarily be applied to praying persistently for other needs or wants. But in the first verse, Jesus' reason for telling this story is clear - to show them (his followers) that they should always pray and not give up. Other translations say they ought always to pray and not lose heart. The other part that stuck out to me in a new way was the last verse about when Jesus comes back, will he find faith on the earth?

And this is how I am challenged to exercise my faith this week. To pray and not give up and to not lose heart. Even when I am tempted to give in to discouragement and therefore pray less and with less faith because I have not yet instantly seen what I have asked for.  No.  I will not be limited to pray for those things that seem possible to my limited human mind, knowing that God's thoughts are higher than my thoughts and his ways higher than my ways and knowing that nothing is impossible with God.

I also know that Jesus said, "All who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these..."

We know that Jesus went through towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the Kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he sent out the 12 disciples and then the 72 it says he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the Kingdom of God and to heal the sick.

The results are up to God but I must do my part and pray for healing.

So join me! Let's not lose heart but keep praying with faith in our loving and powerful God. 

Firsts

Andrey and I find ourselves in a place we have dreamed of being in for a while.  A place where we have a bit more time to ourselves and with each other and have more of an overall balance to our family life.  It has always felt far off until recently and then what feels like suddenly, (even though it's been very gradual) we are here.  We've had several firsts in the past few weeks.

Andrey and I had our first overnight without Ella, a whole 24 hours!  We celebrated our 10th anniversary by staying in a hotel in the city (and got upgraded to an extra nice room!) while Ella had her first sleepover at her best friend Tessi's house.  She did better than we expected.  She didn't show the least bit distressed by us leaving and was totally fine when we returned.  She seemed to have a really great time.  Andrey and I are were amazed at how smoothly things went... and so happened to have the most amazing time away together.

The other night Ella woke early in the night when we both were still up.  For the very first time instead of calling for me she called for Daddy.  I waited for her to change her mind and ask for me.  Not only did that not happen but Daddy brought her back to her room and got her back to sleep and in bed!  Unheard of.  So great. 

Last week I put Ella to bed and decided to try to see if she'll get to sleep without me in the room.  This has never gone well.  But on this night she surprised me.  Could this be the beginning of not having to wait till she's asleep before I exit?

Last weekend Andrey and I saw a movie... in the theater!  First time that's happened in two years. We saw the latest Batman movie and enjoyed some wine and chocolate that we brought in.  Yep, you can do that here.  It was sweeet!  The wine and chocolate, that is - I didn't care much for the movie.  Date nights out of the house rock!

When Ella chose to go on a rather high zipline off a mountain over the ocean with her Daddy during our recent trip to Palawan, I saw it as indicative of how far we've come as a family in less than two years.  We feel like all the time and energy not rushing her into things has paid off.  She is secure and confident (and quite brave!) and is very attached to both me and her Daddy.  And the bonus? Andrey and I are really enjoying dating each other again. ;-)

Miracles Abound!

Thanks for praying for Ana Mae!

As of today we were out of money but in the last day I have miraculously received 32,000 pesos! The family received 10,000 pesos from the Philippines Charity Sweepstakes Office yesterday. These together add up to enough to cover the next two weeks of treatment - all but 1 radiation treatment and 2 chemo treatments remain after that! We are only short 15,000 pesos to complete her treatment and I have no doubt the money will come in when we need it. 

AND... just minutes after an unexpected donation was left at my house an hour ago, I received a text from Ana Mae's sister about the latest CT result - More than 60% of the cancer is gone. From her nose down to her neck, the cancer is gone, there is only cancer left near her eyes.  I will have the chance to speak to the doctor myself on Monday to confirm this and to get some more details.

Join me in doing a HAPPY DANCE in celebration of God's loving faithfulness and care for Ana Mae and for hearing our prayers and for answering so quickly and timely.  I am blown away and in awe of his power and goodness. You are good, Lord, and all praise and glory goes to YOU!

Thank you for taking part in these miracles.  God is using you!

Ana Mae, 20 Treatments In

I saw Ana Mae today.  The difference in her appearance is remarkable! 

A few days before she started treatment (June 18)

After 20 of 33 radiation treatments,
3 of 7 chemo treatments (July 18)

This week's treatments have been paid for but as of the end of this week, there is no more money.

Please join us in prayer for the following:

1) Complete and miraculous healing for Ana Mae

2) That the CT scan she had today shows better than expected progress and will result in a better prognosis

3) Financial provision so she can continue and complete her treatment.  Ana Mae's sister is going to another government agency tomorrow in hopes of receiving some help.  So far, they've only received 2,000 pesos ($48 USD).

I admit, I'm worried.  I'm a bit stressed about the money.  I am close to tapping out my own resources and ability to be of practical help.  Oftentimes I'm presented with something within my ability to act - I just have to pray and decide whether it's the right thing to do or not.  But in this case, what I'm able to do isn't nearly enough.  This is beyond me and I really have no idea how the Lord is going to move but I believe he will.  It is uncomfortable but I know it is a good place to be because when we're desperate and willing to stake our lives on the faithfulness of God and not on our own abilities or resources, that is when we see the Lord move is mighty ways.

When we chose the bit about not worrying in Matthew chapter 6 for our discussion this past week with this family and community, I had no idea I would have to work so hard to apply it myself.

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Now is the time to pray with faith in our Mighty and Loving God.  I look forward to sharing what he does. Those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

Ana Mae, 8 radiation treatments in

I saw Ana Mae today.  I had the privilege of bringing more money.  Although not reflected on my Paypal giving widget, at the end of my first week of fund-raising, I had the equivalent of $950 USD to put toward Ana Mae's care.  At the end of the second week, I unexpectedly received another $800 USD!  God is so good!

So far I have used all of the first week's donations.  This paid for Ana Mae's blood transfusion last week, eight radiation treatments (treatments #4-11 of 33, this week's remaining treatments were paid in advance), some pain meds, and her first chemotherapy treatment tomorrow.

I have about 33,000 pesos left ($785 USD).  This is enough to get all of next week's treatments.  Yay! This is giving us some breathing room and time for the family to follow up on promises of help from local sources.  They will be going back to the mayor this week.  We are all very hopeful.

Ana Mae's tumor is noticeably smaller.  I will take a photo when I see her again this week and will post it here so you can track her progress.  She reports being able to smell and taste again and her appetite is returning.  She was very smiley today.

Another good thing is that her blood count increased remarkably due to the blood transfusion last week and this means she can start chemotherapy tomorrow.

We continue to have weekly worship meetings in Ana Mae's neighborhood (which has gone on for years albeit not always as regular).  Those who come pretty much make up a big part of her extended family.  Some really great things are happening.

Thanks for praying and please keep it up!  And more financial help is needed.  There is a long road ahead but we know that God is good, and his unfailing love surrounds those who trust in him (Psalm 32:10).

Ana Mae Update

I met Ana Mae's oncologist today and learned the details of her disease and prognosis.

Ana Mae has Stage 4B nasopharyngeal cancer. This is one stage short of 4C, which is end-stage. The cancer has spread to a very small part of her brain and also to the lymph nodes in her neck.

According to the oncologist there is a 20% chance of cure, and a 50% chance that the treatment will be effective enough to relieve or lessen the disease without curing it.

She needs a miracle.

Ana Mae began 3D (a newer and better form) radiation therapy last Thursday and has completed the first three of 33 total treatments. She was due to start chemotherapy tomorrow but her hemoglobin and hematocrit were so low that she needs blood transfusion first.  She is all set up to receive two bags of blood tomorrow and will start the chemo next week instead.

Between Compassion and what I was able to raise, we have only enough to get her 2 of 7 chemo treatments and maybe another 7 radiation treatments. The family has been to several local organizations for help, including the Mayor and Governor, and has received promise of some money but are told they can't get it for another month or longer.  Other organizations told them to come back after she's completed half her treatment. We are praying the money will come through by the time it is needed (sometime next week).

Thanks to all who have donated so far.  I was able to give 40,000 pesos (~$950 USD) toward her treatment today.

More is needed.  If you would still like to donate, just hit the donate button on the widget on the right side of this page.  I can assure you that 100% of your donation will go toward her treatment.  Any fees charged by Paypal for receiving donations on my blog will be otherwise covered.

We are doing all we know to do. Please pray with us for complete healing and for provision. I know that God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask for or imagine.

Please Help a Teen with Cancer

Friends,

I rarely do this, but please take a look at the fundraising widget I just posted on the right side of this blog. There's a girl we know here who is in desperate need of cancer treatment and I'm trying to help the family raise the money needed to get her started on radiation therapy as soon as possible.  She is 17 years old and was just diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer.

We are also looking for funds from local organizations but since her tumor is rapidly growing, we have a bit of time pressure. That's why I'm going to you at the same time we are looking for help locally.  Plus, it is unlikely we'll be able to get the entire amount donated locally and will need to supplement it with funds from abroad. 

When I had cancer at age 19, it was hard enough to go through diagnosis and treatment but at least my family had insurance that paid for nearly 100% of the medical care I received.  My remission was not dependent on us affording good care.  It saddens me that in addition to being faced with a life-threatening disease such as cancer, this family has the added burden of having to find money for the treatment needed to save her life.

Because she is a Compassion-sponsored child, Compassion was able to provide nearly $1,000 USD and that will go toward 7 weeks of chemotherapy.  The radiation therapy is expected to cost $3,000 USD.

Here's a photo of her I took yesterday. We were able to help her get the CT scan and some meds she needed in order to prepare for treatment.

Please pray for her and her family and donate if you can. Thank you SO much. ~ Jen

What's up these days

Andrey is delayed at the airport in Manila, Ella is asleep and after catching up on a few of my favorite blogs, I suddenly feel inspired to blog tonight.  I don't seem to have as much computer time as I did back when Ella was still napping.  Since I haven't been able get the detailed, in-depth posts I'd like to write accomplished, I will settle for a random and general update.

I feel busy.  Busier than I've been since I became a mom.  I am spending less time at home, which means I'm spending less time running out of ideas and energy and capacity to entertain my daughter. Ella and I get to do lots of fun social stuff with other moms and kids throughout the week, I get time with friends regularly (sometimes with and sometimes without Ella) and Andrey and I get date nights in once a week nearly every week (sometimes at home, sometimes out).  Ella is relatively independent and very secure and so affords us more time for other things.  Life seems to have a pretty good balance these days and I am so thankful for this season.  Sounds about the right time for child #2, wouldn't you say? Life is getting a bit too easy and fun. ha ha.  More on that later...

Some other things keeping me busy are the handful of mom and baby pairs that have come across my path in the past 6 months or so that I've been able to be involved in and use my midwifery and nutrition skills to help in some way.  I just love getting to be of practical help and getting to learn new things and the challenge of it all.  Like a few weeks ago, I did a first postpartum check-up on a woman who gave birth on the street a few weeks previous. I mean, literally on the street. In front of Dunkin Donuts. Can you imagine?  Anyway, it's really amazing that despite some pain she was having, everything was normal.  Healthy mom, healthy, thriving breast-fed baby. 

The past month or so I've been helping create and monitor a feeding plan for an extremely malnourished, brain-affected child.  I learned how to insert a feeding tube this week.  We got a good breast pump for the 16-year-old mom who was living on the street up until a family in our church congregation recently took her and her baby in.  Her baby is 7 months old and weights 7 pounds. :-( We are seeing gradual progress with the help of a pediatrician who never charges us. 

Ella's is generally very easy and so I can either drag her along with me when I visit moms and babies or leave her with one of a few people I am comfortable leaving her with that she enjoys.  It's so nice to have options!  I'm really enjoying getting to do something outside of parenting.  (Am I supposed to enjoy that so much?) 

I found a great plan for getting regular exercise. I recently clued in to the fact that I have until 7:20am when Andrey leaves for work every morning to do whatever I want. I realized that if I just get up a bit earlier, I can get exercise and some prayer time and maybe even a shower in before I need to be on duty with Ella.  Andrey gets her up, gets her dressed, takes her for a short walk and gets her breakfast started and I get a good start to some key elements in my physical and spiritual health for the day.

Ella is doing so amazingly well.  I will do a proper update on her soon.  I will just say that we are loving the things that come out of her mouth these days.  She tells me she loves me all the time.  When I help her do something like lift her up so she can see, she says, "Oh thanks, Mama!"  The other day she told me, "I'm SOOO happy God made you, Mommy!"  Lately she's been asking, "You love me Mommy?" I think she likes to hear it again and again how much we love her.

On the baby front.  I need to devote at least a whole post to that but for fear that that won't happen for a while I'll at least get this out there. 

The headline:  We are considering adopting again.  This time local, domestic process here in the Philippines because we are considered residents and because the inter-country process we did before is no longer possible for US citizens living outside of the US.  The process is still a few years long but quite different in that we could have a child within several months of applying and submitting all the requirements.  Also, it's possible we could get a child as young as 1.

Why? and Why now?

• Andrey recently got a promotion and was asked to stay based in Cebu for the next three years.  We didn't see domestic adoption as an option before when we weren't sure how long we'd be here.
• Ella is doing great and we think she's close to being ready for it.  The timing feels right. She will be a really great big sister.  She needs (I need) someone besides me to entertain her all day and I know there are more children in our future.
• Since before Ella, I've dreamed of having two Filipino children.  I love the idea of our adopted children having a sibling who is also adopted.
• We feel God is presenting us with this opportunity to adopt again, and adoption opportunities these days are become increasingly hard to come by, especially for families like us living overseas.
• We do believe we will have a biological child some day and we are not giving up hope for that, but that hasn't happened yet and we know we want more than one adopted child, so why not now? 

So I wish it was as simple as this. . .

Hey everybody, we have a fun announcement to make! We are adopting again and we'll likely have a child by the end of the year! Yay! It's like I'm 4 months pregnant! 

But it's not.  

• We have been researching this process for over a month and the timeline is unpredictable and we may need to stay in the Philippines longer than Andrey's job would ideally want us here.
• By adopting domestically we will not be able to take our child out of the country while the adoption is in process and even longer before the US government allows us to apply for a tourist or immigrant visa for the child. This means we will not be able to travel to the US as a family for 2-3 years.  No furlough. No Spring trip to DC for the IJM prayer gathering.
• We are not sure we will be able to get all the requirements. Some are proving rather difficult to obtain.

Sooo, all that to say, we are going to try to adopt again.  We are cautiously optimistic.  We believe if it's the right thing it will happen. We are trusting God in this even though the path is not clear knowing that he will direct our steps as we hope in him.  I do wish things were less-complicated.