American Independence

It is a humbling experience moving to a new place and having to start from scratch; being ignorant in many ways to the culture around me, not knowing where to look for basic services, where to eat, how things are done, etc etc... Now Andrey and I find ourselves dependent on those who have been here longer than us. It's funny how quickly we forgot what that was like as soon as Thailand became familiar to us and we were the ones being asked for advice or information. I realize that to feel familiar with and to be knowledgeable of our surroundings, that is to the extent to which we are self-sufficient, is a much more comfortable scenario. It got me thinking about how I feel more comfortable being the one to give, to do and to serve rather than the one to receive and be served. Why is that? I think a main reason for it is the culture I grew up in. To be American is to be independent; to be self-sufficient. When we can take care of ourselves we often times have the ability to take care of others as well, and we experience joy in the giving and serving. We like to feel needed and to be the one who is strong enough to do the giving or the teaching. I think this stems from our need to be in control.
For some time I've been aware of the idea of self-sufficiency and our love of it in America, at least how it relates to the secular world but then I wondered how it has affected the church and our life together as the body of Christ. How does self-sufficiency hold up in the reality of us being the body of Christ - where if one part suffers the rest of the body suffers with it? Where the foot can not say to the toe, "I don't need you"? It doesn't. I believe especially as Christians who identify with a Western culture and mindset, we need to actively combat our independent tendencies with the humbling interdependence that is necessary for vibrant life in the body of Christ - which ultimately should stem from an utter and complete and oftentimes desperate dependence on the only source of anything good, our Lord Jesus Christ. Let's remind ourselves that the all-powerful God of the universe - the only one who could ever validly take credit for his strength, abilities and knowledge - purposefully made himself into a lowly, unhandsome human outcast who was seen by many as weak and needy and then told us to follow his lead in our relationships with one another. Ouch. That hurts.
It's uncomfortable to be needy. Most times, I hate having to ask for help. It is very uncomfortable and my pride certainly doesn't like it but I am realizing that to be a part of the body of Christ I must lose the controlling self-dependency, get acquainted with feeling weak, and allow myself to lean on others. This is honoring to God. And its a necessary reminder that we can do nothing without Christ; that we are to put absolutely no confidence in the flesh; and that our competance comes from Him and Him alone.

A New Language to Learn

I started Cebuano tutoring today. Andrey and I will be studying separately this time around due to our different schedules. The teacher seems great. In addition to the language, she teaches about the culture as well which I am finding very helpful. Even in my first two hours of study with her I've learned a lot. Thankfully, it seems Cebuano is easier than Thai but like any language I won't know much Cebuano without spending time memorizing vocab, putting sentences together and practicing a lot! Unfortunately the two languages I've had the opportunity to study thus far are essentially useless outside of their corresponding countries. To think of all the hours spent on Thai. It sure isn't doing me much good here.
So now on top of my midwifery studies I find myself immersed in learning. I was joking today about having to go buy school supplies. I needed index cards. I feel like the "older" person who has decided to learn a new career alongside the college-aged students who are already working as midwives. That's just great. Well thankfully it's probably more me feeling this way than others seeing me this way because just the other day one of the Filipina ladies that I study with was shocked to find out I was married. She told me, "You look so young! You look like a virgin!" I almost fell off my chair. How was I to respond to that?? I chose to take it as a complement and said thank you as I was trying not to laugh too hard.

We need to know

SaveDarfur.org has a post called "The Genocide in Darfur - Briefing Paper" that's worth checking out...

The Genocide in Darfur - Briefing Paper June 2007 Background …

Status update

i haven't written for a while so i feel the need to at least give a short update even if i feel there's nothing too exciting to share. I've really decided to study midwifery for sure now (ok that I AM excited about!). i'm working on my application to the National College of Midwifery. I'm working at the clinic ~3 days a week and each time i'm there i learn a ton and i LOVE it!!
Andrey and I had a really great weekend together. We had a friend from the US who is visiting for work-related stuff over for mexican food and games on saturday. Sunday (Happy Canada Day!) we spent the day at the beach. It was a perfect day. Had a great sleep and then a yummy big breakfast and coffee. We got to the beach by 10:30 so we got prime location under a hut with a table & reclining chairs. It was a gorgeous day - sunny and very breezy so it didn't feel very hot even in the sun. We stayed all day. It was very relaxing - swimming, reading, talking, and even some homework for me. We haven't been to the beach since we officially moved here a month ago. It's not something we can do very often b/c it's a little pricey to use a resort for the day which is really the only near-by beach option. It's nice to have it as an option though and once we get there we think to ourselves, 'oh this is so worth it!'

Frustrated!

I'm so frustrated with blogger! I still can't add any photos and i can't figure out why! Can anyone help?? I've tried a few things they recommended but still no luck. This is seriously affecting my willingness to submit entries. Dang it!

Thailand Shipment

Our shipment from Thailand arrived on Friday. We weren’t expecting it for at least another few weeks. It’s exciting (and a lot of work) to have all your stuff show up at once. We’re living in someone else’s house so we most of our stuff will be stored until we leave here in a little less than a year. But I’m the most happy to have my kitchen stuff. The pepper grinder, coffee grinder, and coffee maker were among the most anticipated arrivals.

Exciting Work for Jen

I had no idea I would find the most amazing opportunity so soon! Through a series of strange & unexpected connections (clearly God is at work!) I have begun volunteering at a maternity center here in Cebu that provides prenatal care, labor & delivery services, and postpartum care for free to the poor. The clinic was started and is run by a young American couple. She's a midwife and he helps with the admin and IT just about anything else that needs doing. They are fully supported by donations.
Initially I was excited just to be in a place where I could use my existing skills and experience in nutrition & breastfeeding education and limited experience in the hands-on work of lactation consulting. Then I realized I could finally get some experience as a labor support doula (I took a training years ago in Seattle but have no experience). Apparently they have quite a lot of women delivering in the clinic so it is really easy to get in there and help at any time because surely a baby is being born if not now, soon.
And then I learned that I also have the opportunity to train to be a midwife. It's a distance learning program that would enable me to practice in the US and maybe Canada someday. Midwifery is something I looked into training for while in Seattle but for several reasons I decided not to. Now I find myself in a position to do so and I'm really excited! I'm still trying to work out a few things and just make sure it's what I want to do and that it's the way the Lord is leading me before saying for sure right now.
So I've spent a few days at the clinic so far. On my first day I took part in prenatal exams, learning to palpate the mother's belly and determine the position of the baby, finding and recording the fetal heart rate, and measuring fundal height. On my second day (yesterday), well I was actually there to take part in the midwifery training class but as it turned out two women showed up at the clinic in the late stage of labor and so I watched both babies be born. One of which I got to help facilitate the first breastfeed.
I am blown away by God's goodness! Just in the last week and a half this opportunity has surfaced in addition to meeting several new friends. It's looking like I'm not going to be as bored as I thought I might be here for the first few months.

photo posting trouble

so i've been super frustrated b/c for some reason i haven't been able to upload any photos to my posts for over a week now and i can't figure out why. that has caused me to just forget blogging lately b/c i have this thing where i feel like 'people want to see pictures!' and not just hear me ramble all the time. but whatev. i don't have a choice and now i have some stuff i want to share so i'm gonna do it anyway - photos or not...

Saturday Morning Jog

In our experience in Cebu we have found no place outdoors that is even close to being appropriate for either of us to exercise. Andrey really enjoys running and he's been excited about a potential area in which to run on the weekends. Previously we noted a stretch of road on the outskirts of Cebu called the SRP (South Road Properties) that is probably the nicest "highway" in Cebu with very little traffic, right next to the ocean, and with nice wide sidewalks. In fact it's the only thing we've seen so far of its kind. This morning we thought we'd give it a try. We parked, Andrey ran, I walked. Aside from the usual stares, smiles, honking, and waving of people in cars as they passed, both of us were approached individually by someone who told us we were not allowed to jog on the road without a jogging permit that must be obtained from city hall. Andrey was approached by two different people and I was approached by one. As I reached the area where our truck was parked I was met by a police officer in a special "SRP police" car who informed me I was parked in a restricted area. Well we got the message and left once Andrey returned. There were no other joggers there this morning. I guess no one is interested in a jogging permit or it may just be that there really are few if any people who enjoy jogging or exercising outdoors. Hmm. I guess that option is out of the question for now or until we decide to get jogging permits. (We learned elsewhere that the SRP is actually owned by a Japanese development company that plans to build there someday. That explains why the road is so nice, why there exists adequate staff to enforce the rules, and why nothing like it exists anywhere else in Cebu.)

Smoked Chicken

Our good friend Matt Hayashi would be proud. We (Andrey mostly) made good use of the smoker this past weekend. We couldn't find wood chips but decided to take a chance on a bundle of kindling found on the side of the road for sale for 8 pesos (less than 20 cents). We had no idea if the wood was a type that would impart a nice flavor or not but we decided to give it a try anyway. 4 hours later: success! What a yummy chicken! What wonderful, smokey flavor! Way to go Andrey. It was a proud moment. Sure, we could have bought a nicely roasted chicken across the street for about the same price but what fun would that be? Actually that might be an adventure of its own - which we are sure to try at some point. At any rate, the smoked chicken was a real highlight of our weekend. On that particular day I was feeling sad and was really missing being around people other than my husband. Not that we weren't getting along, it's just that we really like people. We've decided as soon as we get friends, we'll invite them over for what might become a weekly meat-smoking afternoon each weekend. The outdoor patio & back yard really makes the experience because there's a nice view, lots of shady trees, and some comfy chairs that are perfect for hanging out and reading or chatting with friends. Here are a few photos of the event... Well I'm having trouble putting the photos up for some reason. I'll just send this for now and will try those photos again tomorrow.

What's So Funny?

Why do I feel like such a freak everywhere I go? Practically every interaction I have with anyone, especially staff people at every supermarket, mall, and coffee shop I go to seems to invoke funny reactions like embarrassed-looking smiles, staring, laughing and the subsequent not-so-subtle giggles and words among coworkers immediately after I walk away. Was it something I said? Is it my looks? What? Can you be any more obvious that you're talking about me?? Sometimes I just want to blend and go about my business as if I am perfectly normal!!! Just fake it people, I don't care. Just do it when I'm not looking or can't hear. On better days, I find this cute and I have the wherewithall to choose not to take it personal. On days when I'm having a hard time adjusting to this new place it makes me feel like never leaving my house and then I find myself dreaming about life in North America (which is never truly as perfect as I imagine in these moments).
I remember how experiences like these were exactly the same in Thailand, except harder because I couldn't communicate and I was adapting to Asia for the first time! At least the Asian part of the Philippines is somewhat familiar, it's just the Filipino-specific cultural nuances I am still quite ignorant about. Part of it is the fact that there are way fewer white women here than in Thailand. I rarely see any and I get a feeling that the average Filipino (at least here in Cebu) also rarely sees white women. So I'll just chalk it up to being unique. Yep, that's it. I'm interesting. An anomaly. But who likes to be seen as a circus everywhere you go??
Disclaimer: I would just like to note how friendly Filipinos are and that I really don't think their actions are ill-intentioned. This is just me reacting to the daily struggle of being a foreigner.

A Few Changes

It's been a crazy few weeks since my last entry. Actually I don't even think it has been that long; it just feels like it. My last week in Chiang Mai was full. Andrey had already left and I had a week to get rid of some last things, get our house ready to hand back to our landlords, pay bills, cancel accounts, sell our truck, make two trips to the dentist, and spend time with friends. There was just no time to do anything on the computer.
Thankfully, with the help of a very kind staff member from Andrey's former office, the truck was sold and all the paperwork was done just 16 hours before I left for Cebu. I was so happy to have it taken care of instead of having to deal with it long-distance later. I am so thankful to God for helping us with this.
What a contrast my life is now to what it was so recently. The evidence is in my appointment calendar I keep in my purse. Look at last week for example. It is full of writing and scribbles listing meals & meetings with friends, appointments, to-do lists... and then this week in my calendar looks quite different. It is completely empty. This may sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself or like I'm complaining. I'm not. Observing this helps me to understand why I feel so awkward and out-of-sorts. Yes, there is some adjustment that is taking place right now. Once again life has changed. It is time to embrace the new, while at the same time release the old. The life we were blessed with in Chiang Mai is over and will never again come to be. This may sound dramatic but when I was experiencing something similar having first moved to Thailand, I found it helpful to realize that my life previous to moving overseas was gone and would never be the same. It validated my feelings of loss. It enabled me to grieve - and it was a very normal, healthy process of grieving. I felt sad for a few months, allowed myself to cry when I needed to, and over time I stopped feeling that way. This is what I expect to experience in the coming months.
Gratefully, I know that moving to a new place is not all about loss. It is also gain - new work, new friends, new experiences, new ways in which to grow and learn. There is an excitement in the uncertainty. The Lord knows best that I like surprises. He created me this way. That's why I am excited for the surprise around the corner; that is, what I will be doing here and what life will look like for me specifically and for Andrey and I together.
I am thankful for opportunities. I realize I have so many opportunities, so many things I could do here with my time. This is something I can and have taken for granted in the past. There are so many who have no options, no opportunities. For me, my prayer is that whatever I end up doing, that it will be something that I was clearly led to do by God. Until then, I intend to learn to rest and enjoy life as it is until God shows me exactly what is next.