Yesterday a young pregnant woman who came into the clinic asking to see a nurse for a cut on her hand that was bruised and swelling. This is the same woman I wrote about in an earlier post who, with desperation in her eyes asked me if I wanted the baby growing inside of her. She is one of our patients at Glory Reborn and because of her situation, she is one of our "charity cases" which means someone is paying for the cost of her labs and medicines.
Like before, she came carrying her 9 month old child and also her 3 year old. She has a 10 year old as well who is not with her for some reason. Their clothes are dirty and tattered. They look pale and may have not been bathed in a few days. She thinks she is about 5 months pregnant and as far as we can tell, the child within her is much smaller than it should be.
As I was cleaning the wound on her hand I noticed she was shaking. I put my hand on her arm and asked her why she was so shaky. Did her hand hurt that bad? She responded, no. Had she eaten today, I asked. She responded, no. It was nearly noon.
We had just finished lunch and there was mung bean stew with chicken and rice left on the stove. I filled a large bowl and set it before her. She ate and also fed her 2 children. We told her to come everyday for lunch. I sent the guard to buy a bag of fruit. I cried on my way home in the taxi.
I felt such compassion for this woman. I couldn't help but think (especially since she is considering giving up her unborn child for adoption) that this woman represents the type of situation our future child/children may be born out of and it breaks my heart.
Each morning I enjoy watching CNN. The International Edition we get here in the Philippines is a great way to keep up with what is going on in the world. [On a side note, I was shocked when I watched CNN in the US recently at the lack of international news stories. Before we went to DC, I had been following the Zimbabwe elections (among other things) and was dismayed that there was no mention of it (nor the genocide in Darfur, nor the global food crisis) in the hours of CNN that I watched while sick with the flu. Are we that self-absorbed??] This morning in particular I'm finding it hard to watch without crying.
Also yesterday I read an extremely disturbing and tragic story of a man who's wife and 3 of 5 children were killed in a massacre by the Burma Army 6 years ago in Karen State, Burma. An FBR team (www.freeburmarangers.org) recently reconnected with this man and they learned that on Christmas Day, just 4 months ago this man was shot at by the Burma Army along with his 1 remaining son and nephew. The father escaped but his son and nephew were tortured, killed, and partially burned. I read about this man's grief as he cried over his son's remains.
At times like this when I feel the burdens of suffering around me and am unable to adequately articulate what is going on inside me, I am thankful for those who have articulated in song that which I am feeling...
"By Thy Mercy" by Alex Mejias & Ross Byrd, from the album High Street Hymns (http://www.discrevolt.com/groups/view/660)
Jesus Lord of life and glory
Bend from heaven thy gracious ear
While our waiting souls adore thee
Friend of helpless sinners here
By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord
By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord
From the dips of nature's blindness
From the hardening power of sin
From all malice and unkindness
From the pride that lurks within
When the world around is smiling
In the time of wealth and ease
Earthly joys our hearts beguiling
In the day of health and peace
In the solemn hour of dying
In the awful judgment day
May our souls on thee relying
Find thee still our rock and stake
By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord
By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord
My prayer then becomes, Lord! Use me. I offer up myself. Show me what to do! and how... when... where... which... who?? Help!!! I can't fix it! It's too much. I examine myself. I am so weak and I fail. I am afraid and lack courage. Where has fear and love of comfort kept me from doing what you've asked me to? What is it that you're asking ME to do? That's all I'm responsible for, right? Have I messed up?
Then, as in direct response to my cries - the next song plays...
He ever loves us in our brokenness
Weeps for every grief we face
Intercedes for us without ceasing
And bids us to receive his grace
His love protects us through the dark night
Never leaves us in our pain
He shelters us in his presence
In weakness he perfects his strength
He ever loves us in our brokenness
In the cross he hides our shame
Forsaken by the Father
He died for us
He took our place
He died for us
He took our place
Recently I've become aware that when I'm in North America, the predominate undercurrent to my thoughts is, "I don't have enough. I must get more" but when I'm in the Philippines the thought that bombards me as I ride around in an air-conditioned taxi with my wallet full of cash, my stomach full, wearing fashionable sunglasses is, "I am so disgustingly rich. I have so much. I have too much and I'm embarrassed."
4 comments:
Reading about this woman breaks my heart. My little Samuel will be two weeks old tomorrow and I am so filled with gratitude and love for him that I feel I will burst. Both of my precious children have ripped me open, leaving me raw and ready to feel all that the Divine is. My prayer is that all women and men and children feel this love in some way, some how. Thank you, Jen, for doing so much in the name of love.
Thanks for sharing those thoughts, Jen! It is through stories that you shared that gives us a clear picture of life in the Philippines for so many! And helps us to see the truly important stuff. And keeps me praying. Love you...Mom in Nova Scotia.
Oh, my precious daughter,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing with us details of your life in the Philippines. We are so very spoiled here in America. I am thankful to our dear Lord, that you and Andrey are so willing to be in a place that leaves you so vulnerable to pain and heartbreak. My prayer will be that He will continue to use you two to reflect the light of Christ while protecting your hearts, minds and spirits. You are so loved by...Mom and Dad in Alabama
Your last paragaph made me gasp, literally. I love this post Jen. It's hard to get a clear perspective when I live in a rich white bubble in Bellevue, Washington. IJM is coming next week. I'm going. it will be good for me to see. I'm so tankful for you. Thanks for shaking me up.
Post a Comment