I was recently perusing Facebook and found several old friends from Seattle I haven't been in touch with for a while. So so many of them have kids, numerous kids I never knew they had. Today it feels like EVERY female I know is either pregnant or has recently given birth. Some friends have 2 and 3 kids already. I hate the feelings that come with this. Especially when just yesterday I was excited about adoption and not feeling like I wanted it to be any different. The variety of feelings related to this process surge and vacillate and lay dormant, then re-surface. There are highs and there are lows. I can feel one thing one day and the exact opposite the next.
I am experiencing the complex package of emotions brought on by infertility and adoption and preparing to be a parent and being a woman with the inherent strong physical desire to become a mother through childbirth but without the opportunity as of yet to achieve that milestone, that coming of age, that most basic, yet miraculous rite of passage. I feel stripped of my inheritance as a woman. That which should be mine. I feel angry and I'm afraid to call it what it is because being in the adoption process complicates things and I don't want people to think that our future adopted children are considered by us as second best. I KNOW deeply that is not the case so please don't get me wrong.
I'm excited to be a mommy but I'd be lying if I said it meant that I didn't wish I were pregnant. I have to be honest. Infertility sucks. I am jealous of those for whom getting pregnant is easy. There. I said it. That feeling is there. It's real but it doesn't mean I wish my friends didn't have kids or that I'm not truly happy for them. As I said it's all just a big jumbled mess of conflicting emotions that just have to be expressed and felt and processed when they come. It helps me to do that here.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Home Study Report APPROVED
I just got a text from our social worker. Our agency in the US (Holt) has approved our home study report giving our social worker the go-ahead to submit it along with all of our supporting documents to ICAB (Inter-Country Adoption Board of the Phils). We are inching closer...
Monday, July 28, 2008
Body Tone
Dudes. I just got my butt kicked big time by a small Asian woman this morning. My body aches. I feel exhausted. I think she may have been on speed...
I went to an aerobics class this morning. I'm trying to figure out why this class was so hard to get through for me. Let's see, what could it be? Perhaps the fact that my exercise program over the past several years has been very off again/on again. Or could it be that when I do exercise, my 30 minutes of walking on a treadmill plus the sporadic upper body workout doesn't actually serve to increase my fitness? hmm. I would say my bare minimum 30 minutes of exercise a few times a week probably wasn't cutting it - and that describes my good weeks.
As it turns out, you actually have to work hard if you want to progress in the area of fitness. Go figure.
Due to the lack of viable outdoor exercising options in Cebu, Andrey and I broke down several months ago and got memberships at a cheap gym. It's basic but has all the elements. The only major issue is the lack of adequate cooling. The air cons kinda work and in the very small class area there are no fans or air cons blowing in that direction. That may play a part in how overheated I get in these classes. I seriously thought I was going to die today. And I felt this way 15 minutes into the class! Well at least I have something to work up to. I'm considering donating a huge fan.
I do feel motivated however because I have always enjoyed classes at gyms. Our gym has several aerobics classes, one that integrates latin dance moves and another that is a hip hop dancing class. There's also belly dancing and Tae-bo/Latin dance combo. I'm excited to try them all. So far I've only done the regular aerobics and the Latin dance one but they were fun and made me work hard. I'm excited to try the hip hop class soon. It looks like a lot of fun.
I went to an aerobics class this morning. I'm trying to figure out why this class was so hard to get through for me. Let's see, what could it be? Perhaps the fact that my exercise program over the past several years has been very off again/on again. Or could it be that when I do exercise, my 30 minutes of walking on a treadmill plus the sporadic upper body workout doesn't actually serve to increase my fitness? hmm. I would say my bare minimum 30 minutes of exercise a few times a week probably wasn't cutting it - and that describes my good weeks.
As it turns out, you actually have to work hard if you want to progress in the area of fitness. Go figure.
Due to the lack of viable outdoor exercising options in Cebu, Andrey and I broke down several months ago and got memberships at a cheap gym. It's basic but has all the elements. The only major issue is the lack of adequate cooling. The air cons kinda work and in the very small class area there are no fans or air cons blowing in that direction. That may play a part in how overheated I get in these classes. I seriously thought I was going to die today. And I felt this way 15 minutes into the class! Well at least I have something to work up to. I'm considering donating a huge fan.
I do feel motivated however because I have always enjoyed classes at gyms. Our gym has several aerobics classes, one that integrates latin dance moves and another that is a hip hop dancing class. There's also belly dancing and Tae-bo/Latin dance combo. I'm excited to try them all. So far I've only done the regular aerobics and the Latin dance one but they were fun and made me work hard. I'm excited to try the hip hop class soon. It looks like a lot of fun.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Family Planning Fund Progress
A few weeks ago I visited a family planning clinic in the city that I heard provided ligation and other family planning options at very affordable prices. I met one of the managers of the place who was extremely nice and helpful. The clinic is called Marie Stopes Clinic and apparently they are many like it around the developing world. I learned that Marie Stopes is a registered charity in the UK that indeed does work around the world in 40 countries. Surplus funds from the UK clinics, help support vital sexual and reproductive healthcare programs in some of the world’s poorest regions. I felt like I had struck it rich in learning about this place.
They provide every family planning method available including, birth control pills, condoms, depo-provera shots, IUDs, tubal ligation, and vasectomy. Their most popular service, it seems is ligation as it is an out-patient procedure that takes about 15 minutes. Women have to have at least 2 children over the age of 5 and must be older than 18 years of age. And they must be generally healthy. And the price? 400 pesos! That's less than $10USD and that includes post-op meds.
Another very interesting option is vasectomy. Not only is it free, they claim to actually provide 300 pesos (about $7USD) to the men who undergo vasectomy (also an out-patient procedure) as replacement of lost wages during the recovery period (they recommend taking it easy for about 2 days). So interesting. I love it that there is something accessible where the men can actually play a part in family planning. Getting them to go through with it may be another issue.
Unfortunately, the two women I spoke to about it (these women were the reason I wanted to start this thing in the first place) adamantly said, "Oh no, just me. He won't do that." At least for one of them she said her husband doesn't even want her to have ligation so vasectomy is out of the question. I think she is just going to have it done without her husband knowing. Frankly, I'm happy to help with it. She's the one I mentioned who is experiencing her 10th pregnancy. She really wanted ligation after her last baby but lacked resources and was so disappointed when she found out she was pregnant again.
So the manager at Marie Stopes gave me tons of brochures and price lists for our clinic to share with our moms. Since I met with her I've been compiling a very loose list of other available family planning services/contacts in the area. Little by little (cause I don't have tons of time to commit to this currently) I plan to acquire information of what else is out there. In the meantime, I have decided I would find a way to pay for family planning for those who really decide they want it and are really unable to pay for it. They will have a whole range of options to choose from.
Anyone want to donate some money for this? I'm keeping it very informal like I said, I'll set aside some money and then when a woman comes through our clinic that expresses a desire for help in this area, I'll give her the option of having it paid for. And then I'll share about that here. When/if you see me when we're in the US/Canada, feel free to just slip me a $5, $10, or $20 if you want to take part and know that I'll use it just for this purpose. Ideally, I'll be able to convince a few very fertile men to pitch in for the family and have a vasectomy.
I feel like I'm on a bit of a covert mission to help some of the women that seem so desperate for a little help in caring for their families. These are good women, good mothers who care for their kids, who really would love the chance to provide for them better and are aware of their limitations. I feel we can do much by assisting them in their desire for family planning. The ability to access resources in order to plan our families according to what we feel called to or capable of financially, physically, and emotionally or just because we've decided we want 2 kids or 4 kids is a privilege that most of us enjoy. I'm happy to pass on this empowerment. I will do what I can to advocate for them. Join me if you feel led. ;-)
They provide every family planning method available including, birth control pills, condoms, depo-provera shots, IUDs, tubal ligation, and vasectomy. Their most popular service, it seems is ligation as it is an out-patient procedure that takes about 15 minutes. Women have to have at least 2 children over the age of 5 and must be older than 18 years of age. And they must be generally healthy. And the price? 400 pesos! That's less than $10USD and that includes post-op meds.
Another very interesting option is vasectomy. Not only is it free, they claim to actually provide 300 pesos (about $7USD) to the men who undergo vasectomy (also an out-patient procedure) as replacement of lost wages during the recovery period (they recommend taking it easy for about 2 days). So interesting. I love it that there is something accessible where the men can actually play a part in family planning. Getting them to go through with it may be another issue.
Unfortunately, the two women I spoke to about it (these women were the reason I wanted to start this thing in the first place) adamantly said, "Oh no, just me. He won't do that." At least for one of them she said her husband doesn't even want her to have ligation so vasectomy is out of the question. I think she is just going to have it done without her husband knowing. Frankly, I'm happy to help with it. She's the one I mentioned who is experiencing her 10th pregnancy. She really wanted ligation after her last baby but lacked resources and was so disappointed when she found out she was pregnant again.
So the manager at Marie Stopes gave me tons of brochures and price lists for our clinic to share with our moms. Since I met with her I've been compiling a very loose list of other available family planning services/contacts in the area. Little by little (cause I don't have tons of time to commit to this currently) I plan to acquire information of what else is out there. In the meantime, I have decided I would find a way to pay for family planning for those who really decide they want it and are really unable to pay for it. They will have a whole range of options to choose from.
Anyone want to donate some money for this? I'm keeping it very informal like I said, I'll set aside some money and then when a woman comes through our clinic that expresses a desire for help in this area, I'll give her the option of having it paid for. And then I'll share about that here. When/if you see me when we're in the US/Canada, feel free to just slip me a $5, $10, or $20 if you want to take part and know that I'll use it just for this purpose. Ideally, I'll be able to convince a few very fertile men to pitch in for the family and have a vasectomy.
I feel like I'm on a bit of a covert mission to help some of the women that seem so desperate for a little help in caring for their families. These are good women, good mothers who care for their kids, who really would love the chance to provide for them better and are aware of their limitations. I feel we can do much by assisting them in their desire for family planning. The ability to access resources in order to plan our families according to what we feel called to or capable of financially, physically, and emotionally or just because we've decided we want 2 kids or 4 kids is a privilege that most of us enjoy. I'm happy to pass on this empowerment. I will do what I can to advocate for them. Join me if you feel led. ;-)
Home Study Report Update
About a month ago I shared that our home study report had been completed by our social worker in Manila and that all we were waiting on was for the report to be approved by our agency in the US before it could be submitted to the Inter-Country Adoption Board of the Philippines (ICAB). As it turned out our agency (Holt) wanted to augment the report with a child abuse clearance from Washington State. We were also told that we needed to access some online adoption preparation classes so that they could state that we had into the report. We've been working on these things in the past few weeks.
I enrolled Andrey and I in a few classes with Adoption Learning Partners - One is "Becoming your child's best advocate: Help for adoptive parents" and the other, "The Journey of Attachment." There are many classes available to choose from but these two will get us started for now.
On Friday I got a text from our social worker saying that they received our child abuse clearances from Washington State (we're clear, by the way) and that the final draft of our home study report is complete and waiting for final approval from Holt.
Here's hoping they consider it complete and give our social worker the go-ahead to submit it to ICAB. I'll keep you posted.
I enrolled Andrey and I in a few classes with Adoption Learning Partners - One is "Becoming your child's best advocate: Help for adoptive parents" and the other, "The Journey of Attachment." There are many classes available to choose from but these two will get us started for now.
On Friday I got a text from our social worker saying that they received our child abuse clearances from Washington State (we're clear, by the way) and that the final draft of our home study report is complete and waiting for final approval from Holt.
Here's hoping they consider it complete and give our social worker the go-ahead to submit it to ICAB. I'll keep you posted.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Little Ones
Oh little ones, do you know that you are wanted, ached for, longed for?
Do you know that you will one day be ours?
I wonder where you are right now.
Are you in the womb of a woman whom you may never know?
Are you in a home or in a hospital?
Have you even been conceived?
Are you on another island in this country
or are you down the street from where we live?
Who is caring of you?
Are they doing a good job?
What are you feeling, little ones?
Are you afraid? Are you lonely?
Your Creator has formed you, knows you, and loves you.
He has never once left you alone.
There is a lot of room for you here
We are ready for you to mess with our schedules, our social life, our free time, our priorities
Even I, your mommy am ready for your presence to challenge my definition of being organized
We are ready to learn what the Lord has to teach us
as we figure out how to be your parents
We are ready for what you have to teach us
About love, grace, and patience
Who are you, little ones?
We have so many questions about you
There will come a day when you will be known by us
And we will find it difficult to imagine when we knew so little about you
Until then we will wait
We will pray
We will continue to speak truth over you
Wherever you are
That you are precious, loved, and wanted
Do you know that you will one day be ours?
I wonder where you are right now.
Are you in the womb of a woman whom you may never know?
Are you in a home or in a hospital?
Have you even been conceived?
Are you on another island in this country
or are you down the street from where we live?
Who is caring of you?
Are they doing a good job?
What are you feeling, little ones?
Are you afraid? Are you lonely?
Your Creator has formed you, knows you, and loves you.
He has never once left you alone.
There is a lot of room for you here
We are ready for you to mess with our schedules, our social life, our free time, our priorities
Even I, your mommy am ready for your presence to challenge my definition of being organized
We are ready to learn what the Lord has to teach us
as we figure out how to be your parents
We are ready for what you have to teach us
About love, grace, and patience
Who are you, little ones?
We have so many questions about you
There will come a day when you will be known by us
And we will find it difficult to imagine when we knew so little about you
Until then we will wait
We will pray
We will continue to speak truth over you
Wherever you are
That you are precious, loved, and wanted
Thursday, July 17, 2008
My Andrey the Good-Looking Bigshot
Maybe it's not significant but I just wanted to share that Andrey is in Manila today with his boss and they are meeting with the Vice President of the Philippines. Cool, huh? I thought so.
Although I was half asleep when he left this morning at 5 am, from what I could tell, he did look awfully handsome in his suit and blue tie. I know it's not fun for Andrey when he has to dress up but I like it. ;-)
Although I was half asleep when he left this morning at 5 am, from what I could tell, he did look awfully handsome in his suit and blue tie. I know it's not fun for Andrey when he has to dress up but I like it. ;-)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Anniversary #6: Still Nerdy after all these Years
July 12, 2002 - Seattle, Washington- Slept in and took our sweet little time getting ready to go to...
- Breakfast at the Gustavian - a nice little restaurant that we both really enjoy but save for special occasions. I had delicious French toast made from nice big slices of soft raisin bread topped with berry sauces, fresh mango and a way too small dollop of whipped cream. Delish! Andrey enjoyed the English farm breakfast which included small portions of the following delights: sausage, thinly sliced smoked ham, bacon, fried eggs, sauted mushrooms, potatoes, baked beans, roasted tomatoes, and toast with jam & butter - oh and some kind of crispy fried rosemary & garlic on the side. The whole meal was delightfully satisfying. I know because I tasted absolutely everything. Ah, the joys of marriage: what's his is mine, what's mine is his. Don't worry, both give and take were involved. I did surrender one of my three pieces of French toast. The trade was mutually agreeable. ;<)
- A matinée at the mall - Not a bad idea on a hot, hot day. As much as we generally try to stay away from the mall on the weekends, the novelty of an afternoon movie attracted us since we rarely go to the movies here. I think yesterday was our third movie at the theater in one year. We saw "Wanted" which was entertaining but a little cheesy. Enjoyable, none the less.
- A trip to the European deli to buy ingredients for a delicious steak dinner at home. We enjoyed beef tenderloin, mashed potatoes, asparagus, sauted mushrooms & garlic, and a green salad with candied pecans, cheddar cheese, and apples. We also enjoyed a bottle of champagne (sparkling wine, really). For dessert we had chocolate cake and coffee.
Our yummy dinner at home. Notice the lovely orchids Andrey brought home for me.Anniversary #1 (2003) - We hiked up Mount Pilchuck in the Cascade Mountains of Washington State. At the top we enjoyed the goodies Andrey toted up the mountain for us: A small carrot cake (a much smaller version of our actual wedding cake prepared for us by the gal who baked our wedding cake the year before) and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne purchased at a discount provided by the fancy restaurant I worked at at the time. Unfortunately it was a completely overcast day so we didn't get to take in the view but we still managed to have fun. Very memorable.
At the top of Mount Pilchuck
So nerdy but clearly delighted at our ingenuity in creating this fine picture
Chao Pria River Cruise - Bangkok
Unfortunately, we didn't take ANY photos of our 4th anniversary. Bummer. Here's a shot of us around that time anyway.Anniversary #5 (2007) - Three nights on Bantayan Island, Philippines. I blogged about this last year but I think you may have missed this photo...
I am happy to say that Andrey and I are best friends and we still really like each other. I am so happy to be married to that guy. We are thankful to God for what he's given us in each other.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Did That REALLY Just Happen?
I cringe as I recount this experience so I can relay it to you. It's definitely going down in my newly-revised list of most embarrassing moments. I actually think this tops them all. Oh dear.
Yesterday after church Andrey and I took two IJM interns out for lunch. We chose a very busy restaurant on the main floor of the mall. It's a popular restaurant, usually full of foreigners and affluent Filipinos - especially during lunch time on the weekend.
The restaurant, called "O Georg!" is located at a busy corner of the mall. The walls enclosing the restaurant are all clear glass so there is little dividing the inside of the restaurant and the droves of people in the mall who are walking by, window shopping, and sitting on nearby benches people-watching. My point in telling you this is so you understand how many people witnessed the little show I put on. Oh dear.
After we ordered I decided to get up to go to the CR (that is, the comfort room as the washroom is called here). I stood up and headed for the door which is really a centrally-located opening in the clear glass wall. I think I took two missional steps before I heard a very loud bang and was suddenly prevented by continuing any further due to the huge piece of clear plate glass in my way. The whole wall shook. I immediately looked in Andrey's direction with my hand over my mouth which was gasping in shock and in the same moment scanned the room to find that literally everyone had stopped what they were doing, customers and staff alike in order to turn and look in my direction. Many had completely turned around in their chairs to face me and I heard gasping sounds to the effect of "Huhhh?", "What the...?" and "Did she just..." but all at once, in one record-scratching, music-halting moment. Everyone was gawking at me. I had to respond. I raised my hands in the air as if a cop was behind me demanding, "Put your hands up!" and with my hands in the air I declared to my audience, "I'm Ok! I am O.K.!" and I walked out of the restaurant toward my original destination. As I did that I noticed that everyone outside of the restaurant, and there were a lot of them, were ALL looking at the idiot who just ran into a glass wall. Oh yeah right, that was ME.
I was so glad I had somewhere to go. After all, I still needed to make it to the CR, which gave me time to let it sink it that THAT. REALLY. JUST. HAPPENED. because I was seriously in shock at first. It felt surreal. That was something that happens to someone else. Not me. Something that I wished I could have witnessed, not created.
While waiting for an open stall feeling comforted that no one in the CR knew what had just happened, small fits of awkward laughter spilled out of me. I was thankful that I had to wait quite a long time in the CR before there was an available stall and before I had to head back to the restaurant. I thought to myself, "Maybe some people will have left by now or maybe they have forgotten."
I think if I was in high school I would have had to flee the building. I considered not going back. How can I face those people? Yet there are benefits to being a 33-year-old woman with her sense of dignity intact and an ability to laugh at herself. Of course I had to go back. I knew I had a supportive husband who would welcome me but of course would not deny the fact that I just made a scene that will not be forgotten for some time, nor did I expect him to. We all laughed about it and Andrey said, "I am going to tell that story for a long time." I sat down and realized that my knee and my nose really hurt. Today, the day after, my knee is fine but I have a nice little bruise on the crown of my nose. I also have a nice little puncture wound to my pride.
Yesterday after church Andrey and I took two IJM interns out for lunch. We chose a very busy restaurant on the main floor of the mall. It's a popular restaurant, usually full of foreigners and affluent Filipinos - especially during lunch time on the weekend.
The restaurant, called "O Georg!" is located at a busy corner of the mall. The walls enclosing the restaurant are all clear glass so there is little dividing the inside of the restaurant and the droves of people in the mall who are walking by, window shopping, and sitting on nearby benches people-watching. My point in telling you this is so you understand how many people witnessed the little show I put on. Oh dear.
After we ordered I decided to get up to go to the CR (that is, the comfort room as the washroom is called here). I stood up and headed for the door which is really a centrally-located opening in the clear glass wall. I think I took two missional steps before I heard a very loud bang and was suddenly prevented by continuing any further due to the huge piece of clear plate glass in my way. The whole wall shook. I immediately looked in Andrey's direction with my hand over my mouth which was gasping in shock and in the same moment scanned the room to find that literally everyone had stopped what they were doing, customers and staff alike in order to turn and look in my direction. Many had completely turned around in their chairs to face me and I heard gasping sounds to the effect of "Huhhh?", "What the...?" and "Did she just..." but all at once, in one record-scratching, music-halting moment. Everyone was gawking at me. I had to respond. I raised my hands in the air as if a cop was behind me demanding, "Put your hands up!" and with my hands in the air I declared to my audience, "I'm Ok! I am O.K.!" and I walked out of the restaurant toward my original destination. As I did that I noticed that everyone outside of the restaurant, and there were a lot of them, were ALL looking at the idiot who just ran into a glass wall. Oh yeah right, that was ME.
I was so glad I had somewhere to go. After all, I still needed to make it to the CR, which gave me time to let it sink it that THAT. REALLY. JUST. HAPPENED. because I was seriously in shock at first. It felt surreal. That was something that happens to someone else. Not me. Something that I wished I could have witnessed, not created.
While waiting for an open stall feeling comforted that no one in the CR knew what had just happened, small fits of awkward laughter spilled out of me. I was thankful that I had to wait quite a long time in the CR before there was an available stall and before I had to head back to the restaurant. I thought to myself, "Maybe some people will have left by now or maybe they have forgotten."
I think if I was in high school I would have had to flee the building. I considered not going back. How can I face those people? Yet there are benefits to being a 33-year-old woman with her sense of dignity intact and an ability to laugh at herself. Of course I had to go back. I knew I had a supportive husband who would welcome me but of course would not deny the fact that I just made a scene that will not be forgotten for some time, nor did I expect him to. We all laughed about it and Andrey said, "I am going to tell that story for a long time." I sat down and realized that my knee and my nose really hurt. Today, the day after, my knee is fine but I have a nice little bruise on the crown of my nose. I also have a nice little puncture wound to my pride.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Taxi Drivers
The taxi drivers here are quite friendly and talkative. The ones with decent English skills love striking up a conversation with their foreign customers. The conversations I usually have with them go something like this (depending on my mood it may be one of many variations):
Taxi Driver: Good morning ma'am.
Me: Good morning, sir. (then I tell him where I'm going)
Taxi Driver: Where are you from?
Me: America.
Taxi Driver: How long you stay here?
Me: One year already.
Taxi Driver: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Taxi Driver: What about your husband? Is he Filipino?
Me: No, he's American. (They assume all white people are American so there's no point in explaining the fact that my husband is also Canadian)
Taxi Driver: How many years you been married?
Me: Almost 6 years.
Taxi Driver: Do you have kids?
Me: No, not yet.
Taxi Driver: (Gasp!) What? No kids? And you've been married 6 years?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Taxi Driver: Why? Why don't you have kids?
Me: (I answer with any one of the following answers) We're waiting, maybe soon. or We're really busy. or We're waiting on God's timing. or I don't know actually, that's a good question.
At this point most taxi drivers pick up on my lack of desire to discuss my fertility with them or as in most cases, I am able to change the subject to something less personal.
Recently I had a taxi driver take the conversation a bit further.
Taxi Driver: How old are you?
Me: I'm 33.
Taxi Driver: 33!? Wow! Well you'd better get started. You know, the older you get the harder it gets to get pregnant!
Me: Yes, I know. Thank you. Thank you for the information.
I have come to be grateful for the fact that I am a pretty open person and I actually don't mind some of these conversations (within reason) because I understand how rare it is to meet a 33 year old woman who has been married for 6 years and still doesn't have children. Most women by that age here either have several or many kids by now. So I understand how incredulous my situation sounds.
I've also come to realize that there are few forbidden topics here. Like, for example in the US and Canada it is generally not very polite to go around asking strangers personal questions. But in the Philippines, it seems everything is fair game. It is not uncommon for us to be asked how much we pay in rent every month or how much money we make. I'm not sure if Filipinos asking such personal questions of other Filipinos is acceptable or if there is a different standard applied to foreigners - as if the novelty of a foreigner precludes an insatiable need to know, thus superseding common politeness. Perhaps this explains why I've heard that in Filipino culture it is rude to stare - just like in our culture - but yet oh so many people just can not help it sometimes and so they proceed to study me with their eyes locked and mouths gaping as I walk by. Back home if the person you stare at turns and looks at you, you turn away and act like you are looking at something else. But here, even if I look right back at the person who is staring at me, they will continue to follow me with their eyes or even worse, they will shamelessly say something about me to their friend all the while pointing or looking in my direction. As if I'm not really a human with eyes to see and ears to hear that they are clearly talking about me. This experience is still the most difficult for me to not take offense to, so on my better days, instead of me pretending I don't see them I turn and waive or say hi or better yet, say something in Cebuano which always elicits a smile or a giggle or may even start a conversation.
I've decided that these things (most of the time) don't (or shouldn't) bother me. I've come to the place where 1) I choose to be thankful to live where the people are friendly and easy to engage as soon as I turn to them with a "hello" or a smile, and 2) because the people here are just so innocently curious, that instead of getting offended I can choose to find it flattering. Perhaps this is what it feels like to be famous. Everyone looks at you and wants to know what your life is like. So I might as well live it up. I'm finding it's a lot more fun with this attitude.
Taxi Driver: Good morning ma'am.
Me: Good morning, sir. (then I tell him where I'm going)
Taxi Driver: Where are you from?
Me: America.
Taxi Driver: How long you stay here?
Me: One year already.
Taxi Driver: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Taxi Driver: What about your husband? Is he Filipino?
Me: No, he's American. (They assume all white people are American so there's no point in explaining the fact that my husband is also Canadian)
Taxi Driver: How many years you been married?
Me: Almost 6 years.
Taxi Driver: Do you have kids?
Me: No, not yet.
Taxi Driver: (Gasp!) What? No kids? And you've been married 6 years?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Taxi Driver: Why? Why don't you have kids?
Me: (I answer with any one of the following answers) We're waiting, maybe soon. or We're really busy. or We're waiting on God's timing. or I don't know actually, that's a good question.
At this point most taxi drivers pick up on my lack of desire to discuss my fertility with them or as in most cases, I am able to change the subject to something less personal.
Recently I had a taxi driver take the conversation a bit further.
Taxi Driver: How old are you?
Me: I'm 33.
Taxi Driver: 33!? Wow! Well you'd better get started. You know, the older you get the harder it gets to get pregnant!
Me: Yes, I know. Thank you. Thank you for the information.
I have come to be grateful for the fact that I am a pretty open person and I actually don't mind some of these conversations (within reason) because I understand how rare it is to meet a 33 year old woman who has been married for 6 years and still doesn't have children. Most women by that age here either have several or many kids by now. So I understand how incredulous my situation sounds.
I've also come to realize that there are few forbidden topics here. Like, for example in the US and Canada it is generally not very polite to go around asking strangers personal questions. But in the Philippines, it seems everything is fair game. It is not uncommon for us to be asked how much we pay in rent every month or how much money we make. I'm not sure if Filipinos asking such personal questions of other Filipinos is acceptable or if there is a different standard applied to foreigners - as if the novelty of a foreigner precludes an insatiable need to know, thus superseding common politeness. Perhaps this explains why I've heard that in Filipino culture it is rude to stare - just like in our culture - but yet oh so many people just can not help it sometimes and so they proceed to study me with their eyes locked and mouths gaping as I walk by. Back home if the person you stare at turns and looks at you, you turn away and act like you are looking at something else. But here, even if I look right back at the person who is staring at me, they will continue to follow me with their eyes or even worse, they will shamelessly say something about me to their friend all the while pointing or looking in my direction. As if I'm not really a human with eyes to see and ears to hear that they are clearly talking about me. This experience is still the most difficult for me to not take offense to, so on my better days, instead of me pretending I don't see them I turn and waive or say hi or better yet, say something in Cebuano which always elicits a smile or a giggle or may even start a conversation.
I've decided that these things (most of the time) don't (or shouldn't) bother me. I've come to the place where 1) I choose to be thankful to live where the people are friendly and easy to engage as soon as I turn to them with a "hello" or a smile, and 2) because the people here are just so innocently curious, that instead of getting offended I can choose to find it flattering. Perhaps this is what it feels like to be famous. Everyone looks at you and wants to know what your life is like. So I might as well live it up. I'm finding it's a lot more fun with this attitude.
White Beach, Cebu
I think we've discovered quite the get-away. It's a place called Club Serena. It's on Cebu Island about a 2 1/2 to 3 hours drive away (only about 100 km, or 60 miles). That tells you how fast we are able to drive around here. You may remember we drove to this same area last year and our ignorance in trusting a Lonely Planet map turned the trip into a 6-hour drive. For that story go here.
This time around couldn't have been better. As it turns out, where you stay can make or break your experience. Oh, and knowing how to get there. Well this little 8-room resort was a delightful surprise. We tend to set our standards low and this place well exceeded them.
Cousin Sheri was with us - so fun to share the experience with her. Although it did get a bit stormy and rainy during one afternoon (we got some interesting shots of clouds over the ocean), we had lots of sun the rest of the time. Best word to describe our 2 nights and parts of 3 days on White Beach? RELAXING. There were a few times when I sighed and became aware of how relaxed I felt. Sometimes I don't realize how just being in the city can cause the tension to build. It was so nice to get away. Here are the shots to prove it...
Checking out the crabs - lobsters on the piano are better than...
Sweet reading spot - love these outdoor huts. Was thinking how perfect they'd be for napping children so if any of you nerds come to visit we'll for sure go here. It's ideal. There are two huts like this - right between the beach and the pool.
I'm not sure why I'm smiling in this picture. The book isn't funny. I think Andrey made me giggle. He's the one who's funny (funny-looking). The book is a compilation of stories written by adoptive parents. I feel compelled to explain the book in case you can read the title and wonder what kind of cheesy book I'm reading - it's quite good, by the way...
Our breakfast spot
Andrey tearing it up in the cannonball department. Poor guy, there weren't any other nerdy men around to join him or cheer him on or compare which splash was the biggest. He had to settle for me and my willingness to capture his skills on camera. I have about 2 dozen more shots like this. Lucky for you I spared you the rest. These shots are dedicated to all your nerd men out there. You know who you are. Unfortunately, we know who you are, too.
This time around couldn't have been better. As it turns out, where you stay can make or break your experience. Oh, and knowing how to get there. Well this little 8-room resort was a delightful surprise. We tend to set our standards low and this place well exceeded them.
Cousin Sheri was with us - so fun to share the experience with her. Although it did get a bit stormy and rainy during one afternoon (we got some interesting shots of clouds over the ocean), we had lots of sun the rest of the time. Best word to describe our 2 nights and parts of 3 days on White Beach? RELAXING. There were a few times when I sighed and became aware of how relaxed I felt. Sometimes I don't realize how just being in the city can cause the tension to build. It was so nice to get away. Here are the shots to prove it...
Checking out the crabs - lobsters on the piano are better than...
Sweet reading spot - love these outdoor huts. Was thinking how perfect they'd be for napping children so if any of you nerds come to visit we'll for sure go here. It's ideal. There are two huts like this - right between the beach and the pool.
I'm not sure why I'm smiling in this picture. The book isn't funny. I think Andrey made me giggle. He's the one who's funny (funny-looking). The book is a compilation of stories written by adoptive parents. I feel compelled to explain the book in case you can read the title and wonder what kind of cheesy book I'm reading - it's quite good, by the way...
Our breakfast spot
Andrey tearing it up in the cannonball department. Poor guy, there weren't any other nerdy men around to join him or cheer him on or compare which splash was the biggest. He had to settle for me and my willingness to capture his skills on camera. I have about 2 dozen more shots like this. Lucky for you I spared you the rest. These shots are dedicated to all your nerd men out there. You know who you are. Unfortunately, we know who you are, too.
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