The taxi drivers here are quite friendly and talkative. The ones with decent English skills love striking up a conversation with their foreign customers. The conversations I usually have with them go something like this (depending on my mood it may be one of many variations):
Taxi Driver: Good morning ma'am.
Me: Good morning, sir. (then I tell him where I'm going)
Taxi Driver: Where are you from?
Me: America.
Taxi Driver: How long you stay here?
Me: One year already.
Taxi Driver: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Taxi Driver: What about your husband? Is he Filipino?
Me: No, he's American. (They assume all white people are American so there's no point in explaining the fact that my husband is also Canadian)
Taxi Driver: How many years you been married?
Me: Almost 6 years.
Taxi Driver: Do you have kids?
Me: No, not yet.
Taxi Driver: (Gasp!) What? No kids? And you've been married 6 years?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Taxi Driver: Why? Why don't you have kids?
Me: (I answer with any one of the following answers) We're waiting, maybe soon. or We're really busy. or We're waiting on God's timing. or I don't know actually, that's a good question.
At this point most taxi drivers pick up on my lack of desire to discuss my fertility with them or as in most cases, I am able to change the subject to something less personal.
Recently I had a taxi driver take the conversation a bit further.
Taxi Driver: How old are you?
Me: I'm 33.
Taxi Driver: 33!? Wow! Well you'd better get started. You know, the older you get the harder it gets to get pregnant!
Me: Yes, I know. Thank you. Thank you for the information.
I have come to be grateful for the fact that I am a pretty open person and I actually don't mind some of these conversations (within reason) because I understand how rare it is to meet a 33 year old woman who has been married for 6 years and still doesn't have children. Most women by that age here either have several or many kids by now. So I understand how incredulous my situation sounds.
I've also come to realize that there are few forbidden topics here. Like, for example in the US and Canada it is generally not very polite to go around asking strangers personal questions. But in the Philippines, it seems everything is fair game. It is not uncommon for us to be asked how much we pay in rent every month or how much money we make. I'm not sure if Filipinos asking such personal questions of other Filipinos is acceptable or if there is a different standard applied to foreigners - as if the novelty of a foreigner precludes an insatiable need to know, thus superseding common politeness. Perhaps this explains why I've heard that in Filipino culture it is rude to stare - just like in our culture - but yet oh so many people just can not help it sometimes and so they proceed to study me with their eyes locked and mouths gaping as I walk by. Back home if the person you stare at turns and looks at you, you turn away and act like you are looking at something else. But here, even if I look right back at the person who is staring at me, they will continue to follow me with their eyes or even worse, they will shamelessly say something about me to their friend all the while pointing or looking in my direction. As if I'm not really a human with eyes to see and ears to hear that they are clearly talking about me. This experience is still the most difficult for me to not take offense to, so on my better days, instead of me pretending I don't see them I turn and waive or say hi or better yet, say something in Cebuano which always elicits a smile or a giggle or may even start a conversation.
I've decided that these things (most of the time) don't (or shouldn't) bother me. I've come to the place where 1) I choose to be thankful to live where the people are friendly and easy to engage as soon as I turn to them with a "hello" or a smile, and 2) because the people here are just so innocently curious, that instead of getting offended I can choose to find it flattering. Perhaps this is what it feels like to be famous. Everyone looks at you and wants to know what your life is like. So I might as well live it up. I'm finding it's a lot more fun with this attitude.
1 comment:
Oy! Fertility questions are WAY worse than due date questions. DUDE! I feel for you. As soon as you get a match, you can start claiming you have kids. This is tough.
I had a friend who was a public health nurse who has severe endometriosis and had all three of her kids via invitro. She would visit moms at home after having their babies while she herself was struggling through the hormones and monthly up and down roller coaster and injections and failed attempts, and as she is helping these new moms they would often ask if she had children. She'd say no and they would say some variation of "Well, you don't know what it is like/how hard it is/what you are talking about" and she'd be left sitting in their living room royally shoved out of the "Mommyhood IN club" dealing with her own grief.
She said it was like a mini, painful reminder every time. She got to dread the home visits.
I feel for you, with the taxi drivers! Suuucks! I wonder what they would do if you told them the naked truth? Hopefully they would be embarrassed, but likely not. It's hard for people of all cultures to remember that someone outside their culture has feelings and sensitivities...it's something to do with empathy, I think. It's harder to empathize with someone who seems so 'foreign.'
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