Sweet Talker? Sex Educator?

I got pulled over today by a traffic officer for trying to go straight through an intersection that was right turn only. As if anyone pays attention to the rules around here. Apparently in certain areas in the city around rush hour there are traffic officers that actually enforce traffic laws. I have gone straight through this intersection many times before but at other times of day I guess. Today was honestly the first day I noticed the prohibitive sign.

I apologized; Said I didn't see the sign; I'm new here; I wasn't aware (big liar), hoping he'd just let me go. This is probably not what I will teach my kids one day but there I was lying about it and claiming that I was new in town. The reason for doing that was not only as an excuse for not seeing the sign but as an excuse for driving with only my Washington State, U.S. driver's license. I still don't have a Philippines driver's license. I have friends that have lived her for 8 years and still don't have one so I decided I wouldn't bother. Well now I know that that's all fine as long as you don't get pulled over.

The officer informed me I was in violation for driving without a Philippines driver's license and that my American license was meaningless since it wasn't an international license. Again, I apologized. I said "I'm really sorry, sir, I wasn't aware" many times. Apparently the penalty for such a thing is to have our car confiscated until I get a license. Ouch. What? I asked him, "Can't I just pay a fine or something and promise to get my license ASAP?" I told him I even went out of my way to renew my U.S. license (which I did) so that I wasn't driving with an expired license. I told him the car was registered in my husband's name and that he really needs the car to get to work and that I won't drive it anymore until I get my license, just please let me take it home and it won't happen again.

He asked about my work. I told him I was a volunteer midwife in training at a maternity clinic that provides services to the poor (shamelessly trying anything to get on his good side). Then he told me that we can negotiate. He reminded me that I did offer to pay a penalty. I clarified this and told him that yes, I was indeed happy to pay a fine if he gave me a ticket. What I think he really wanted was a bribe but I wasn't going to offer one. I was just really curious to see if he would ask for one so I asked him what he suggested. He said again, "we can negotiate." Again, I said, "Ok, Sir. What do you suggest?"

After a few seconds of his mind seemingly churning and thinking of something he began to ask me what do I think about a woman menstruating twice in one month. He asked me, "What does it mean? Is it normal?" I was taken aback as I did not expect to discuss the female menstrual cycle with him but I decided I'd go along with it and see what happened. I asked him if he was referring to someone he knew, say his wife?... or perhaps... Clearly that was too personal so he said, "Uhh, just someone I know." I'm not sure why I asked that but I did want to know was this woman over 45? Could she be menopausal? No, she was 25. Ok. So I proceeded to explain to him that some women have irregular menstrual cycles because of an imbalance in hormones. I explained about estrogen and progesterone.

I thought to myself that other possible answers to his question depended on how heavy her flow was so I asked. He informed me, "just spotting." Again, I was flabbergasted that I was having this conversation with a traffic officer at 5 pm on the side of the highway in Cebu, but continued on as if absolutely nothing was abnormal about this. I mentioned that it could also be an indication that this woman is pregnant. And that if she was, I'd be happy to care for her myself at our clinic. "Pregnant?" he said with a look of concern on his face. I then explained about fertilization and implantation bleeding but gave a disclaimer that of course, I have no idea because I knew very little about this woman.

He thought about this for a few more seconds and then it became apparent that our "negotiation" was going to consist of him informing me of my violation, warning me of the consequences should this happen again, and letting me go. I wondered what kind of negotiation this was but of course was pleased. I drove away scratching my head and so very thankful that I got out of that with our car and my license still in my possession.

I could not have made that bizarre experience up it was so obscure. That's one thing I have come to enjoy about life in a developing country like the Philippines... you just never know what you'll see each day or what will happen every time you leave the house. Such an adventure. Makes for great stories.