Feet in Two Worlds

So here we are in an unreal place - the Shangri La Resort in Cebu. We're here because some visitors (staff and supporters of the work my husband does) are treating us to two nights here.

(photo taken from Shangri La Cebu website)

Now, don't get me wrong because I am very thankful to be here, I just feel the need to reflect on my experiences this past week and how the disparity between two worlds makes me feel.

It's as if the other world, the world known by the poor, is the reality. And this, here, is just contrived and made up to anesthetize one's self to the true reality that exists just beyond this estate.*

In the past week,

• I went with two women to the hospital for a check up to have IUDs removed. One woman was found to have extremely high blood pressure. We were sent to the ER and I was able to help with some meds to try to get her BP down (not effective). The woman eventually signed out of the hospital against medical advice with dangerously high blood pressure because she has no money for the recommended admission and lab tests. I was unable to convince her to check in at a less expensive hospital where we could assist in the cost. She said she felt fine. We prayed together and I took her home.

• I walked around a slum area alone, a little lost when I didn't have a way to meet up with friends I had meant to connect with. Friends meet in this community several times a week to get to know people there and disciple new believers. I've been joining lately and have been able to help with some medical needs of some of the women there. I felt insecure and embarrassed as I walked around and asked for directions. People stared and smiled and said something like, "Look! There's an Americana." I was concerned about the mud created from the last rain getting on my jeans. I almost lost my rubber flip flop to the mud that attempted to swallow it. I eventually found someone I knew and she took me to a shack of a home where the woman with high B/P lived, who I had taken to the hospital the day before. We visited for a while and we prayed together for healing. Then I went home feeling pleased with myself for not giving up and trying to find my way for the first time by myself in an unfamiliar place and was happy it at least resulted in something small.

• I visited a woman who lives near some fish ponds in a place that regularly gets flooded during rainy season. I got to give my first depo shot as a certified professional midwife. She told me I could post the following photo (It felt significant that I was administering family planning for the first time as an autonomous midwife). To get there, we walked on raised bamboo paths that were built over muddy, stagnant, garbage-filled water. I walked carefully for fear that I'd fall in.

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• I joined in a bible study with new believers who live in either a neighborhood like the photos below or on the street. We read together from Psalm 107 and asked them to share what part they could relate to. Two women in particular said they could relate to this: "Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress." I heard stories how these women and their children hadn't eaten all day and how they cried out to God and suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, they had food. One of the women shared how her 9-month-old son had become extremely ill. His eyes were rolling in the back of his head, he wouldn't eat, and was vomiting. She prayed. A friend of mine from our church community happened to be in the area at an unusual time and suddenly ran into this woman and her child. They were able to admit the child at the public hospital where he received treatment for potassium deficiency. For this woman, this was a clear answer to her prayer for help. Thank you, Jesus!

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• I toured the public hospital with 30 American teenaged volunteers from Texas. I walked around the hospital feeling disgusted like I sometimes do when I walk through other parts of the city that feel spiritually oppressive and dark. We spent much time in the pediatric ward, praying for families and children. I met a young man in a stairwell whose girlfriend just lost their baby at only 6 months gestation. I saw an old woman in the ER on whom the staff was performing CPR and nobody seemed to make the effort to cover her body clothed only in undergarments. There was a crowd that gathered to watch and I couldn't bear to take in the show or know what may eventually happen. The whole scene just felt so undignified. I felt totally unprepared to walk around and minister to people so I just translated for the volunteers. I struggled with a strong desire to leave as soon as possible and not think about this place.

• On my last night shift I assisted the delivery of a growth-restricted baby who weighed only 2.1 kg (4 lbs, 10 oz) and watched his young parents look utterly hopeless because they only had 200 pesos and they were going to need money to pay for meds/supplies/care for their baby. I knew they already had a special needs child who was also growth-restricted in the womb. I noticed during delivery that the corners of the mom's mouth were bleeding possibly due to vitamin B and/or vitamin C deficiency while she had to forcefully and quickly push her baby out because his heart slowed down to 50 as his cord was trapped between his head and the mother's pelvis and then was born completely white and floppy with a heart rate of only 70 (normal is 120-160) and us resuscitating him with an ambu bag. He survived and we stayed up all night monitoring him.

So these are some of the places and events that filled my week and now I'm here at the Shangri La and it feels like a fantasy land - so not real! Life just goes on satisfying one's need for pleasure, perhaps to pacify the need for something greater, while the reality for the poor carries on with no end in sight. I recognize my own feelings of inadequacy and selfishness. I can not be satisfied any longer with such pleasures in excess - for in the darkness of the night lately I wake and sense the struggles of the poor and suffering and I can do nothing but carry their burdens to the Father and pray for wisdom regarding my role in it all.

*I am not judging those who take time to rest in a beautiful place, as we often do. I am speaking against the portion of the world that seems to carry on with a fantasy life oblivious to the plight of the poor, which is also a life I have tasted.