I had a classic Philippines experience the other day. I went to see a doctor. I brought my helper along to help me with Ella. We walked into a full waiting room. We were not inside more than 30 seconds before a couple of women started asking my helper questions about me and Ella in Cebuano.
Is she her daughter?
Does she live here?
Is her husband Filipino?
These are the same questions I am most frequently asked. My helper politely and quietly answered all their questions. I understood all of it. Before she could answer the third question I turned to the inquisitive ladies and replied pleasantly in Cebuano, No, my husband is also an American. It's okay, you can ask me if you have a question.
You would think they would either then transfer their conversation to me or just stop asking questions but no, they just completely ignored me and went back to talking to my helper. About me. In a full waiting room with everyone listening.
This is where a little self-talk is helpful.
They are just curious. Asking personal questions of strangers isn't considered rude here. They don't mean anything by it. Just ignore them. Don't be a jerk, Jenifer.
And it's not like I can realistically expect my helper to not answer their initial questions, because that would really be rude.
I realize that me not having a nanny and taking her everywhere with me (it's very strange that a woman of my "status" does not have a nanny) buys me a little anonymity. I still get the occasional and usual questions about my daughter. But I realize now that those come from the really gutsy Filipinos who are brave enough to ask me a question directly. It would happen so much more often if I had a local person with me wherever I went.
Like today at the grocery store. I happened to have one of the young adults from my church with me. I didn't even notice but when we got back to my house she told me how numerous people in the grocery store had asked her if Ella was my daughter. I was glad I didn't notice.
I don't blame people for being curious. It does raise interest seeing a white woman carrying a Filipino child around - especially when we are so clearly close and in love with each other. What we have is very special and I like to think that people pick up on that right away and want to know. Plus, my daughter is extremely cute so she naturally draws attention. People do often tell me she's beautiful.
Compared to the personal questions I got before I had a child, I never mind answering the question, "Is she your daughter?" I love to proudly answer with a big smile while holding her close, "Yes, she is mine." I just wish everyone asked me and not someone I happen to be with.
Is she her daughter?
Does she live here?
Is her husband Filipino?
These are the same questions I am most frequently asked. My helper politely and quietly answered all their questions. I understood all of it. Before she could answer the third question I turned to the inquisitive ladies and replied pleasantly in Cebuano, No, my husband is also an American. It's okay, you can ask me if you have a question.
You would think they would either then transfer their conversation to me or just stop asking questions but no, they just completely ignored me and went back to talking to my helper. About me. In a full waiting room with everyone listening.
This is where a little self-talk is helpful.
They are just curious. Asking personal questions of strangers isn't considered rude here. They don't mean anything by it. Just ignore them. Don't be a jerk, Jenifer.
And it's not like I can realistically expect my helper to not answer their initial questions, because that would really be rude.
I realize that me not having a nanny and taking her everywhere with me (it's very strange that a woman of my "status" does not have a nanny) buys me a little anonymity. I still get the occasional and usual questions about my daughter. But I realize now that those come from the really gutsy Filipinos who are brave enough to ask me a question directly. It would happen so much more often if I had a local person with me wherever I went.
Like today at the grocery store. I happened to have one of the young adults from my church with me. I didn't even notice but when we got back to my house she told me how numerous people in the grocery store had asked her if Ella was my daughter. I was glad I didn't notice.
I don't blame people for being curious. It does raise interest seeing a white woman carrying a Filipino child around - especially when we are so clearly close and in love with each other. What we have is very special and I like to think that people pick up on that right away and want to know. Plus, my daughter is extremely cute so she naturally draws attention. People do often tell me she's beautiful.
Compared to the personal questions I got before I had a child, I never mind answering the question, "Is she your daughter?" I love to proudly answer with a big smile while holding her close, "Yes, she is mine." I just wish everyone asked me and not someone I happen to be with.
1 comment:
Yes, Ella is yours...and her daddy's. And Grandma and Grandpa Sawchenko's, Mimi and Papa Haenlein's and all of the aunts and uncles and cousins. What joy I can hardly contain when I think that the God of the universe knew way before we did, that Ella would be "YOURS". And I will continue to praise Him for sweet precious Michella.
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