Thursday, August 28, 2008
House Photos
My aunt asked for photos of our house and I realized I never posted them on the blog like I had intended to months ago. So here they are, our house...
Ultrasound Training
Hope Imagining trainers & the GRC staff trainees
The first week my parents were in Cebu, my mom was busy with an ultrasound training at Glory Reborn. In fact that was what solidified their plans in coming to Cebu. It seemed to be a divinely-appointed connection when I first moved to Cebu and became involved in the clinic and Hilary told me that she had just bought an ultrasound machine. She really wanted to train her staff but didn't yet have anyone to train them. Naturally, I spoke up and said, "Well that's exactly what my mom does!"About a year and a half ago my mom started working for a great organization called Sonography Now. She travels all around the US and trains nurses to do limited ultrasounds in pregnancy crisis centers that reach out to abortion-minded women. My mom says she has found her calling. To say that she loves her work is an understatement. And I can say from seeing her work that she is excellent at it.
Sonography Now has an international arm called Hope Imaging which does similar work in developing countries. They set up trainings that are individually catered to the needs of the particular clinic they are serving. That's exactly what they did for Glory Reborn.
Hope Imagining sent 3 trainers (including my mom) and together they trained 6 midwives and 2 nurses at GRC during a week-long training. The GRC staff loved learning ultrasound and my mom and the other trainers loved teaching. In the process, lots of GRC moms got free ultrasounds and had the privilege of seeing their babies in the womb.
Here's what mom says about the training, "It was a wonderful opportunity to share our love of ultrasound to the staff at Glory Reborn. I'm looking forward to hearing the stories of how God continues to bless the moms who deliver at Glory Reborn. I can't wait to come back!"
While mom was busy training, dad and I painted the midwives room at the clinic and dad built a set of shelves for our delivery room. Now that we've kept them both busy working the past week and a half, we are all looking forward to an up-coming beach trip to Bohol tomorrow. We'll be there for 5 nights. Yeah! Vacation!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Update on my patient
I've seen my patient three times since my last post. What I learned is that she didn't end up being induced at the hospital after all. Apparently, once she got settled in the 2nd hospital her contractions become strong and painful again and she delivered at 2:00 am the next morning (Thurs). I wonder if all the stress and anxiety really did cause her labor to halt. Ina May Gaskin describes this phenomenon in her Guide to Natural Childbirth book. If I remember correctly, she termed it sphincter law. Basically it's the same reason why some of us would find it difficult to pee if a stranger was staring at us. Apparently for some women in labor, a stressful, busy, threatening, unsafe, or uncomfortable environment can actually cause the cervix to either stop dilating or to even close up. Knowing how the ability to relax is an integral part of dilating and progressing well in labor, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what happened with Emily. Anyway, she gave birth to a baby boy weighing 2.9 kg (6 pounds, 6 ounces). She named him Athan Kevin.
After I made two trips to the hospital to help her with the rest of her expenses, she was discharged last night (Saturday). She told me she was happy to go home, especially because she really wanted to be at home when our church held a special service for her community on Sunday. Indeed, our church did do an outreach service in their community this afternoon and Andrey and I went along. Emily was there and looked great. She seemed to be quite happy. That's when I took these shots...
Emily, her two sisters & nephew, and her Mama
Emily's super-cute daughter
After I made two trips to the hospital to help her with the rest of her expenses, she was discharged last night (Saturday). She told me she was happy to go home, especially because she really wanted to be at home when our church held a special service for her community on Sunday. Indeed, our church did do an outreach service in their community this afternoon and Andrey and I went along. Emily was there and looked great. She seemed to be quite happy. That's when I took these shots...
Emily, her two sisters & nephew, and her Mama
Emily's super-cute daughterIn order to show her gratitude, Emily gave me a gift that blew me away. She thanked me for my help and said she wanted to give me a gift that represented our friendship and her thankfulness. She opened her hand and inside was this beautiful silver necklace with a slipper made of mango wood with a silver strap. I was shocked. I am sure that this was a treasured possession of hers that she was willing to part with in order to thank me. It was difficult to receive but I knew not taking it would be an insult. She really wanted to give me something in return which I did not expect at all but I am so blessed by it.
Friday, August 22, 2008
My First Continuity Patient
I worked the night shift Wednesday. I noticed my continuity patient didn't show up for her prenatal check up Wed morning so I texted her neighbor and asked if she was ok. I wondered because she hasn't missed a check up yet despite her living far away from the clinic. Also, she was 40 weeks pregnant this week so I needed to see how she was doing. She responded and said she didn't make it for her check up because her contractions had started and she was in pain. I've been telling her for weeks to come to the clinic early in her labor since she lives far away and her last labor was quite fast and short. I certainly don't want her to deliver in a jeepny on the way to the clinic. This is her 3rd baby. She's 23 years old. Her name is Emily.
When I asked about her contractions she said they were painful and coming every 5 minutes. I told her to come to the clinic right away and to take a taxi. She said she didn't have fare. I said come anyway, I'll pay for the taxi when she and her husband arrives.
I met Emily at church about 6 weeks ago and noticed she was very pregnant. I asked her where she planned to deliver. She said she didn't know. She was about 34 weeks pregnant at the time. I told her about the clinic. She said she knew about it but that it was too far and she didn't have money for the basic requirements (initial labs). I told her I'd take her on as my patient and that I'd help her with the expenses. Apparently her husband had recently lost his job and she's been quite worried about their situation. Since then she's come to the clinic every week for her prenatal care. So far everything has been normal.
Emily and her husband made it to the clinic at 10:30 Wednesday night. I was so happy that she could possibly deliver during my shift. I thought maybe my Mom would get to see me deliver. She wants to see a birth while she is here and it would just be a bonus if she got to see me catch the baby.
When Emily arrived at the clinic she didn't look like she was in labor. I asked about her contractions and she said they didn't really hurt. I noticed her contractions were very mild and not coming anywhere near every 5 minutes. Upon intake her B/P was 150/100. I gave her some water to drink, encouraged her to relax and had her lie down on her left side to see if her B/P would come down. She said she had rushed to get to the clinic and felt quite stressed so we decided to give it time to see if it would come down - which it did. Within an hour her B/P was 120/80 and remained stable for several hours after. Great, I thought. It was only a temporary rise.
When we did her exam she was only 2 cm dilated and the baby's head was not yet engaged. Also, the baby was in a posterior position (head down, but face up instead of face down). We decided to let her rest and try to get some sleep through the night and hoped the baby would rotate to a more favorable position.
The other staff members and I took shifts doing labor watch. By morning her B/P started rising again. She had progressed to 4 cm and the head was now engaged but she was still only having very mild, infrequent contractions. I wondered if she was really in labor. I left her in the care of the midwives on the day shift so I could go home and shower and get something to eat. I came back about an hour later.
This week, my mom and 2 other trainers are teaching 7 midwives and nurses how to do limited ultrasounds on pregnant women so we took advantage of that and had them scan Emily. We discovered low AFI (amniotic fluid index) and a grade 3 placenta. We also noticed that since the morning she began to have +1 edema in her lower legs. We sent her for a urine analysis to check for infection and also protein in the urine as we suspected pre-eclampsia. The U/A was negative for both.
I texted our OB/GYN and told her about our patient. She advised her for admission at the nearby city hospital and induction right away due to suspected pre-eclampsia. I called the hospital to tell them we were coming, hooked Emily up to dextrose IV and headed to the city hospital.
All week my dad has been saying how he'd love the chance to see the hospitals here. Now was his chance. We got into the clinic vehicle with the driver, my dad, me, a staff nurse, and Emily.
We arrived at the city hospital and it was just before lunch time. I hadn't eaten and was starting to feel shaky. The adrenaline of transporting my patient didn't help.
So we walk into the emergency room at the city hospital. This hospital is one of two public hospitals in the city - one is for city residents, the other is for residents from the province. It's also the place where a lot of our patients get transported to because it is the cheapest. And by cheapest I mean the most basic, antiquated, dirty hospital I've ever seen. In fact a big reason why Glory Reborn exists is to save our moms from having to give birth in this place. We usually do everything we can before we transport to CCMC (Cebu City Medical Center). But in some cases it is necessary.
We walk in and the ER is crowded and chaotic. The first thing we see is a young man lying on a stretcher that must have just come in. He had been intubated but he was dead. His family members were sobbing and wailing around him. It was awful. My poor patient. All I could do was usher her past and tell her not to look. If she was in labor, I would be surprised if it didn't stop in that moment due to anxiety.
We made our way through the crowd to the OB/GYN area which consists of 3 metal beds and a few curtains that only kind-of divided it from the rest of the ER but only one curtain divided the space between two of the beds. The bed they had our patient lie down on was open to the bed next to her where an overweight pregnant woman only wearing a top and with a small blanket barely covering her bottom half lay, on oxygen. On the other bed (if you can call a metal table a bed) there was a woman in very active labor agonizing in pain. There was no obvious person in charge. The OB beds are just across from the toilets. Both doors were open and the stench of urine was overwhelming.
My poor patient lay on the bed and started crying saying she wanted to go home. We tried to comfort her and told her we would stay with her but that going home was not an option. I felt terrible and I just wanted to get out of there myself so I could only imagine how she felt. We gave our information to a doctor that finally showed up and after waiting and watching the craziness around us, she came over to assess Emily. She did an IE (using the sterile gloves that we were required to supply) but made no effort to create any privacy for Emily. I opened Emily's bag and grabbed a small blanket that she could throw over her but the doctor pushed it aside as it was in her way. Emily was wearing a dress so her bottom half was exposed. I knew she was anxious and uncomfortable and exposed and I felt terrible. Finally her husband showed up and we were made to wait for about another 30 minutes while the doctor made phone calls and assessed the other patients.
Meanwhile my father is in the ER just observing everything going on around him. He saw an EKG being done on a patient and my dad said the machine they used was probably from the 1950's. He said the stretchers were like the ones used on the rescue car when my dad started his 22 year career as a paramedic/firefighter with the City of Tampa in 1973. Crazy. He also got some information on the young man who had died. Apparently he committed suicide by hanging himself. I asked my dad how he handled seeing stuff like this and much worse during his time on the rescue car. I still don't know how anyone does it.
Back to Emily. As it turns out, since she is from the next city over they would not accept her and referred us to the other public hospital for people from the province. As much of an inconvenience this was, I was relieved to get Emily out of there as I knew the provincial hospital was so much better - not great but at least cleaner.
We continued to moniter her B/P and it stayed around 130-140 over 90-100 which I was so grateful for. We had a sublingual tablet of Adalat in case it got to 160/110 or above but we didn't have to use it.
So we all piled back into the car, now including Emily's husband and made our way to the other hospital which was also very busy. We took her to the OB receiving ward which no one else is allowed into so we had to wait outside. Once she was received I sent the driver and the nurse back to the clinic. Dad and I stayed because Emily and her husband had absolutely no money and the way it works at the hospitals is you pay for everything as you go. So it wasn't long before they sent us to the pharmacy to buy supplies - soap, laundry soap, shampoo, rubbing alcohol, adult diapers, suction catheters, syringes, gloves, and an OB pack that included a cord clamp, sutures, a bulb suction and I'm not sure what else. After 3 trips to the pharmacy we purchased and provided everything they asked for. Nearly 2 hours went by and she hadn't been assessed by a doctor. I was told the doctors were busy with a C-section. I was asking because I wanted to know what else I needed to buy so that me and my dad could leave. It was about 4 pm at that point and there really was not need for us except to pay for stuff. They told me that didn't know if she'd be induced or what since they were still waiting for the doctor to appraise her. We decided to leave some money with the husband, along with my phone numbers and the number of the clinic and we left. I was exhausted and hungry.
Her husband called and woke me at 6 this morning and told me she delivered at 2:00 am and that she and the baby were healthy. I was so out of it when he called I didn't get to ask him if she was induced or what although I'm not sure he would even know since they don't let the husbands in the delivery room and he wasn't the kind of guy that asked any questions about what was happening - not from me and not from the nurses or doctors that I could tell.
Anyway, I am thankful that she and the baby are apparently doing well. I will go there this afternoon to see her. Everyone at the clinic said to me, "I'm sorry Jen... about your patient being transported" because they all knew I really wanted to get to deliver her baby. And yes I was disappointed about that but not as much as I was that my patient had to go through that experience. It's really awful that those two hospitals are the only options for the poor. If Emily was from the city she would have had no choice but to stay at CCMC and deliver there. The other options are private hospitals that are extremely expensive by comparison and completely out-of-reach for the poor. Many can't even afford the care at the public hospitals and are refused intervention unless they can run across the street to the pharmacy to buy supplies.
To me, this is the picture of how poorly the Philippines government takes care of it's people. It's shameful.
Yesterday was so intense that I needed to process it and wanted to share that experience with you. I never want to go back to CCMC. Never... but I know I'll be back.
When I asked about her contractions she said they were painful and coming every 5 minutes. I told her to come to the clinic right away and to take a taxi. She said she didn't have fare. I said come anyway, I'll pay for the taxi when she and her husband arrives.
I met Emily at church about 6 weeks ago and noticed she was very pregnant. I asked her where she planned to deliver. She said she didn't know. She was about 34 weeks pregnant at the time. I told her about the clinic. She said she knew about it but that it was too far and she didn't have money for the basic requirements (initial labs). I told her I'd take her on as my patient and that I'd help her with the expenses. Apparently her husband had recently lost his job and she's been quite worried about their situation. Since then she's come to the clinic every week for her prenatal care. So far everything has been normal.
Emily and her husband made it to the clinic at 10:30 Wednesday night. I was so happy that she could possibly deliver during my shift. I thought maybe my Mom would get to see me deliver. She wants to see a birth while she is here and it would just be a bonus if she got to see me catch the baby.
When Emily arrived at the clinic she didn't look like she was in labor. I asked about her contractions and she said they didn't really hurt. I noticed her contractions were very mild and not coming anywhere near every 5 minutes. Upon intake her B/P was 150/100. I gave her some water to drink, encouraged her to relax and had her lie down on her left side to see if her B/P would come down. She said she had rushed to get to the clinic and felt quite stressed so we decided to give it time to see if it would come down - which it did. Within an hour her B/P was 120/80 and remained stable for several hours after. Great, I thought. It was only a temporary rise.
When we did her exam she was only 2 cm dilated and the baby's head was not yet engaged. Also, the baby was in a posterior position (head down, but face up instead of face down). We decided to let her rest and try to get some sleep through the night and hoped the baby would rotate to a more favorable position.
The other staff members and I took shifts doing labor watch. By morning her B/P started rising again. She had progressed to 4 cm and the head was now engaged but she was still only having very mild, infrequent contractions. I wondered if she was really in labor. I left her in the care of the midwives on the day shift so I could go home and shower and get something to eat. I came back about an hour later.
This week, my mom and 2 other trainers are teaching 7 midwives and nurses how to do limited ultrasounds on pregnant women so we took advantage of that and had them scan Emily. We discovered low AFI (amniotic fluid index) and a grade 3 placenta. We also noticed that since the morning she began to have +1 edema in her lower legs. We sent her for a urine analysis to check for infection and also protein in the urine as we suspected pre-eclampsia. The U/A was negative for both.
I texted our OB/GYN and told her about our patient. She advised her for admission at the nearby city hospital and induction right away due to suspected pre-eclampsia. I called the hospital to tell them we were coming, hooked Emily up to dextrose IV and headed to the city hospital.
All week my dad has been saying how he'd love the chance to see the hospitals here. Now was his chance. We got into the clinic vehicle with the driver, my dad, me, a staff nurse, and Emily.
We arrived at the city hospital and it was just before lunch time. I hadn't eaten and was starting to feel shaky. The adrenaline of transporting my patient didn't help.
So we walk into the emergency room at the city hospital. This hospital is one of two public hospitals in the city - one is for city residents, the other is for residents from the province. It's also the place where a lot of our patients get transported to because it is the cheapest. And by cheapest I mean the most basic, antiquated, dirty hospital I've ever seen. In fact a big reason why Glory Reborn exists is to save our moms from having to give birth in this place. We usually do everything we can before we transport to CCMC (Cebu City Medical Center). But in some cases it is necessary.
We walk in and the ER is crowded and chaotic. The first thing we see is a young man lying on a stretcher that must have just come in. He had been intubated but he was dead. His family members were sobbing and wailing around him. It was awful. My poor patient. All I could do was usher her past and tell her not to look. If she was in labor, I would be surprised if it didn't stop in that moment due to anxiety.
We made our way through the crowd to the OB/GYN area which consists of 3 metal beds and a few curtains that only kind-of divided it from the rest of the ER but only one curtain divided the space between two of the beds. The bed they had our patient lie down on was open to the bed next to her where an overweight pregnant woman only wearing a top and with a small blanket barely covering her bottom half lay, on oxygen. On the other bed (if you can call a metal table a bed) there was a woman in very active labor agonizing in pain. There was no obvious person in charge. The OB beds are just across from the toilets. Both doors were open and the stench of urine was overwhelming.
My poor patient lay on the bed and started crying saying she wanted to go home. We tried to comfort her and told her we would stay with her but that going home was not an option. I felt terrible and I just wanted to get out of there myself so I could only imagine how she felt. We gave our information to a doctor that finally showed up and after waiting and watching the craziness around us, she came over to assess Emily. She did an IE (using the sterile gloves that we were required to supply) but made no effort to create any privacy for Emily. I opened Emily's bag and grabbed a small blanket that she could throw over her but the doctor pushed it aside as it was in her way. Emily was wearing a dress so her bottom half was exposed. I knew she was anxious and uncomfortable and exposed and I felt terrible. Finally her husband showed up and we were made to wait for about another 30 minutes while the doctor made phone calls and assessed the other patients.
Meanwhile my father is in the ER just observing everything going on around him. He saw an EKG being done on a patient and my dad said the machine they used was probably from the 1950's. He said the stretchers were like the ones used on the rescue car when my dad started his 22 year career as a paramedic/firefighter with the City of Tampa in 1973. Crazy. He also got some information on the young man who had died. Apparently he committed suicide by hanging himself. I asked my dad how he handled seeing stuff like this and much worse during his time on the rescue car. I still don't know how anyone does it.
Back to Emily. As it turns out, since she is from the next city over they would not accept her and referred us to the other public hospital for people from the province. As much of an inconvenience this was, I was relieved to get Emily out of there as I knew the provincial hospital was so much better - not great but at least cleaner.
We continued to moniter her B/P and it stayed around 130-140 over 90-100 which I was so grateful for. We had a sublingual tablet of Adalat in case it got to 160/110 or above but we didn't have to use it.
So we all piled back into the car, now including Emily's husband and made our way to the other hospital which was also very busy. We took her to the OB receiving ward which no one else is allowed into so we had to wait outside. Once she was received I sent the driver and the nurse back to the clinic. Dad and I stayed because Emily and her husband had absolutely no money and the way it works at the hospitals is you pay for everything as you go. So it wasn't long before they sent us to the pharmacy to buy supplies - soap, laundry soap, shampoo, rubbing alcohol, adult diapers, suction catheters, syringes, gloves, and an OB pack that included a cord clamp, sutures, a bulb suction and I'm not sure what else. After 3 trips to the pharmacy we purchased and provided everything they asked for. Nearly 2 hours went by and she hadn't been assessed by a doctor. I was told the doctors were busy with a C-section. I was asking because I wanted to know what else I needed to buy so that me and my dad could leave. It was about 4 pm at that point and there really was not need for us except to pay for stuff. They told me that didn't know if she'd be induced or what since they were still waiting for the doctor to appraise her. We decided to leave some money with the husband, along with my phone numbers and the number of the clinic and we left. I was exhausted and hungry.
Her husband called and woke me at 6 this morning and told me she delivered at 2:00 am and that she and the baby were healthy. I was so out of it when he called I didn't get to ask him if she was induced or what although I'm not sure he would even know since they don't let the husbands in the delivery room and he wasn't the kind of guy that asked any questions about what was happening - not from me and not from the nurses or doctors that I could tell.
Anyway, I am thankful that she and the baby are apparently doing well. I will go there this afternoon to see her. Everyone at the clinic said to me, "I'm sorry Jen... about your patient being transported" because they all knew I really wanted to get to deliver her baby. And yes I was disappointed about that but not as much as I was that my patient had to go through that experience. It's really awful that those two hospitals are the only options for the poor. If Emily was from the city she would have had no choice but to stay at CCMC and deliver there. The other options are private hospitals that are extremely expensive by comparison and completely out-of-reach for the poor. Many can't even afford the care at the public hospitals and are refused intervention unless they can run across the street to the pharmacy to buy supplies.
To me, this is the picture of how poorly the Philippines government takes care of it's people. It's shameful.
Yesterday was so intense that I needed to process it and wanted to share that experience with you. I never want to go back to CCMC. Never... but I know I'll be back.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Home Study Concerns Part II
Thank you everyone for your concern and encouragement in response to my last post. You help me feel validated in my reactions which is the kind of encouragement I need right now.
I received an email this morning from our agency saying that they are sorry for the number of inaccuracies and that adoptive families do often review a draft of the home study before it goes out but that they had just assumed that we had read it already read it. ASSUMED? Great.
They are going to email our social worker about this and ask her to make revisions and submit them to ICAB to supplement the original. After they have a chance to contact our social worker, I am to contact her myself to discuss the revisions.
Hopefully we'll get these things cleared up soon and that it doesn't cause much of a delay or shed any negative light on our case. Again, I just have to trust the Lord. I know his hand is over this. My hope is not in the agency, our social worker, our home study, or ICAB. My hope is in the LORD. He will satisfy our desires with GOOD things. He is faithful in ALL he does.
I received an email this morning from our agency saying that they are sorry for the number of inaccuracies and that adoptive families do often review a draft of the home study before it goes out but that they had just assumed that we had read it already read it. ASSUMED? Great.
They are going to email our social worker about this and ask her to make revisions and submit them to ICAB to supplement the original. After they have a chance to contact our social worker, I am to contact her myself to discuss the revisions.
Hopefully we'll get these things cleared up soon and that it doesn't cause much of a delay or shed any negative light on our case. Again, I just have to trust the Lord. I know his hand is over this. My hope is not in the agency, our social worker, our home study, or ICAB. My hope is in the LORD. He will satisfy our desires with GOOD things. He is faithful in ALL he does.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Home Study Concerns
We got a copy of our home study in the mail a few days ago. It's a copy of the final draft that was submitted to ICAB. When I read it my heart sank. There are quite a number of inaccuracies in it. Some minor like our heights (why that's important I have no idea) and what kind of group we co-led in Seattle (youth group vs. home group). Other mistakes are just frustrating and show a lack of attention such as my name being spelled wrong throughout the entire document - especially after we were warned to make sure everything we submitted had the spellings of names consistent as that is a common mistake that delays the process. Other puzzling errors such as:
I know God is bigger than all of this and I still really do believe he is guiding this whole process (otherwise I would really be worried) but that doesn't change me expecting a certain level of professionalism and attention to detail regarding our personal lives. There are details that could have simply been explained or clarified via a simple phone call or email. Is it true that this process is designed in such a way that we don't even get a chance to read what is written about us before it is sent out?
- Andrey did an internship that exposed him to advocacy of a nutrition and feeding program
- Andrey had a difficult adjustment to life overseas and I helped him through it
- Andrey and I each had a girlfriend and boyfriend respectively in the 4 years prior to our dating. When I broke it off with my boyfriend, Andrey was my confidante. The truth is that neither of us dated anyone during that time period.
- When I found out I had cancer at the age of 19, I just knew I was going to die (the exact opposite is true as I had a strong sense that I wasn't going to die)
- The reasons why we decided not to pursue fertility treatments are totally not true, i.e. we decided it was too financially and emotionally draining (as if international adoption isn't financially and emotionally draining!). No. We prayed about it and in agreement decided we didn't feel peace about moving in that direction. For us, trusting God in this instance meant pursuing adoption.
- We are open to a parental background that included drug and alcohol abuse but only if NOT prior to pregnancy. That doesn't even make sense. We specifically said that we'd be open to considering a child whose parents have a history of drug or alcohol abuse but not if the abuse was extensive or if the abuse was during pregnancy. I'm sure this is just a typo but it should have been caught.
I know God is bigger than all of this and I still really do believe he is guiding this whole process (otherwise I would really be worried) but that doesn't change me expecting a certain level of professionalism and attention to detail regarding our personal lives. There are details that could have simply been explained or clarified via a simple phone call or email. Is it true that this process is designed in such a way that we don't even get a chance to read what is written about us before it is sent out?
Saturday, August 16, 2008
So Excited!
In less than an hour I am leaving for the airport to pick up my parents.
AND... Andrey will get on a plane tonight in Thailand and make his way back to Cebu by tomorrow morning. He's been gone for 11 days and I MISS HIM!
AND... Andrey will get on a plane tonight in Thailand and make his way back to Cebu by tomorrow morning. He's been gone for 11 days and I MISS HIM!
Friday, August 15, 2008
My Parents are En-Route to Asia
I'm so excited. My parents are just beginning their first journey to Asia - to Cebu to be exact. They are set to arrive here Saturday morning. They will arrive with 3 ultrasound trainers. The 4 trainers, including my mom will be training the Glory Reborn staff in ultrasound during the first week of their trip. It's going to be a busy week. But then my parents will stay for 2 more weeks after the training and after the other guests go back. We'll hang out here in the city for the first part, then we're taking them to the beach for 5 days at the end of their trip. We are all really looking forward to it (that's an understatement). I can't wait to share our lives in Asia with my parents. Finally they can see first-hand what it's like here and meet the people I tell them about. No doubt some photos are forth-coming.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
That's it. It's out there. It's really out there.
At some point today the Philippines government became aware or our intention to adopt a Filipino child or two. Our home study, which was recently completed and more recently approved and endorsed by our adoption agency was submitted to the Inter-Country Adoption Board of the Philippines. That's it. Now they have it. It's out there. Out of our hands.
I'm finding the uncertain nature of the time-line until we actually become parents unsettling. Although it's not likely (so we are told), we could technically be matched with a child in 6 months! Alternatively, it could be 12 months, 18 months, or even 24 months. How do you prepare for something like this?
Maybe it's like living with the awareness of your mortality. Sure, we all know we should love today as if it were our last - oh boy, now I'm comparing adoption to death, not at all my intention just stick with me. My point is that we don't usually live today as if it were our last but if we actually knew for a fact that we were going to die tomorrow we would certainly live differently - taking advantage of every opportunity and not wasting time on things that aren't important.
What I'm getting at here is my midwifery degree. I REALLY want to complete my program (set end of 2009) and pass a licensing exam (set for early 2010) and become a midwife. Even if I won't be able to practice as a midwife for a while - at least I will have the credential that will allow me to step into it when the time is right. Completing my degree is very attainable if our adoption is typical of other Philippines adoptions. It's attainable if I continue to work at it at a reasonable pace. Now let's say that I become a mommy sooner than I think (prior to 2010). I would have to work much harder at getting it done sooner.
The other thing is that with the midwifery stuff I have very little time to delve deeply into adoption preparation resources right now. Up until this point I've felt like I have some time so it's okay if I don't dive into it right away. But if I knew I was getting a child in a few months I think I'd wished I did more reading earlier. I really should be focusing more on that right now just in case.
I think I may have a hard time switching gears from one time-consuming goal to another. It's hard to go back and forth. At least with midwifery, I get more assignments done when I build up some momentum but once I take a break because of travel or a visitor in town or something then it really takes me a while to get back into it. Isn't multi-tasking a prerequisite for successful parenting? What does that say about me? Obviously with kids it will be different as you can't just leave a kid on your desk and pretend you don't see it.
I am so excited about having children that I am more than willing, at that point to throw midwifery out the window - at least for a little while until we adjust as a family. I know I'll still be able to finish my degree at a later date if we do get a child before the end of '09 - but will I want to? I really have no idea what I'm going to want later on. I know I will want to take care of my kids and not have to squeeze school in somehow. I think midwifery will be an excellent way to serve the poor in other places we may live or to have a practice in North America should we live there again. But I don't envision myself working a lot while our kids are young. A little at some point would be great but not a lot. And then when our kids are older then I might consider a midwifery practice. Oh heck I really have no idea. Normally I am totally fine with uncertainty and not knowing what is next - but that's when it was only me and Andrey in the equation. Having kids is going to change everything. The question is, how much do I change now - in the anticipation of having kids at some unknown date?
I'm finding the uncertain nature of the time-line until we actually become parents unsettling. Although it's not likely (so we are told), we could technically be matched with a child in 6 months! Alternatively, it could be 12 months, 18 months, or even 24 months. How do you prepare for something like this?
Maybe it's like living with the awareness of your mortality. Sure, we all know we should love today as if it were our last - oh boy, now I'm comparing adoption to death, not at all my intention just stick with me. My point is that we don't usually live today as if it were our last but if we actually knew for a fact that we were going to die tomorrow we would certainly live differently - taking advantage of every opportunity and not wasting time on things that aren't important.
What I'm getting at here is my midwifery degree. I REALLY want to complete my program (set end of 2009) and pass a licensing exam (set for early 2010) and become a midwife. Even if I won't be able to practice as a midwife for a while - at least I will have the credential that will allow me to step into it when the time is right. Completing my degree is very attainable if our adoption is typical of other Philippines adoptions. It's attainable if I continue to work at it at a reasonable pace. Now let's say that I become a mommy sooner than I think (prior to 2010). I would have to work much harder at getting it done sooner.
The other thing is that with the midwifery stuff I have very little time to delve deeply into adoption preparation resources right now. Up until this point I've felt like I have some time so it's okay if I don't dive into it right away. But if I knew I was getting a child in a few months I think I'd wished I did more reading earlier. I really should be focusing more on that right now just in case.
I think I may have a hard time switching gears from one time-consuming goal to another. It's hard to go back and forth. At least with midwifery, I get more assignments done when I build up some momentum but once I take a break because of travel or a visitor in town or something then it really takes me a while to get back into it. Isn't multi-tasking a prerequisite for successful parenting? What does that say about me? Obviously with kids it will be different as you can't just leave a kid on your desk and pretend you don't see it.
I am so excited about having children that I am more than willing, at that point to throw midwifery out the window - at least for a little while until we adjust as a family. I know I'll still be able to finish my degree at a later date if we do get a child before the end of '09 - but will I want to? I really have no idea what I'm going to want later on. I know I will want to take care of my kids and not have to squeeze school in somehow. I think midwifery will be an excellent way to serve the poor in other places we may live or to have a practice in North America should we live there again. But I don't envision myself working a lot while our kids are young. A little at some point would be great but not a lot. And then when our kids are older then I might consider a midwifery practice. Oh heck I really have no idea. Normally I am totally fine with uncertainty and not knowing what is next - but that's when it was only me and Andrey in the equation. Having kids is going to change everything. The question is, how much do I change now - in the anticipation of having kids at some unknown date?
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
FYI (For the ladies...)
Can I just tell you that Victoria's Secret underwear are CRAP!? Especially the "$5 for $25" undies that I bought online. Hmm let's see, I just bought these in April and the cotton has frayed and the elastic is shredding. Disappointing.
To be fair, not every pair is falling apart. I bought a few other kinds as well ($3 for $25) and those seem to be holding up just fine.
But FYI, don't go for the $5 for $25's. What a rip off. Where I come from, 5 bucks is still a lot of money to pay for a pair of underwear. Stupid underwear.
To be fair, not every pair is falling apart. I bought a few other kinds as well ($3 for $25) and those seem to be holding up just fine.
But FYI, don't go for the $5 for $25's. What a rip off. Where I come from, 5 bucks is still a lot of money to pay for a pair of underwear. Stupid underwear.
Andrey in Chiang Mai & Friends
Andrey went to Thailand yesterday. Boo hoo. I miss him and I wish I was going with him. He'll be gone for 11 days. I felt a bit whiny about it earlier since I really like having him around and also because he'll get to see our friends, albeit for a short time since he'll busy with work.
I miss our friends in Chiang Mai. They are so great. In fact today I emailed my three closest girlfriends in Chiang Mai with a little wish list of things I requested they buy for me to pass to Andrey when they see him since he won't have time to do a bunch of shopping. The list included Thai coffee, Thai instant noodles (so spicy and delicious and ready in an instant in a hunger crisis and there's a brand I love that doesn't have MSG), and seeds for the planting of essential ingredients in authentic Thai dishes like keffir lime leaves and Thai basil. All three of my friends responded right away saying they were on it and happy to do it and asked if there was anything else I really wanted but felt too bad to ask for. They are the coolest ladies and I love them! So then I want to cry because I miss them a lot and because they get to see each other and have fun without me. Boo hoo.
Well at some point I'll get over my little pity party and realize that I should just be thankful for the fact that God provides GREAT friends to Andrey and I everywhere we live! It's amazing, really. We have really good friends that we keep up with regularly in Canada, the US, and Thailand. And thanks to our new Vonage phone (with a Seattle phone number) and Skype we are able to chat with dear friends often. Just the other day I chatted with a friend in Seattle for nearly 2 hours. This might explain why I haven't been getting much done on my assignments lately - or perhaps it's the blogging and facebook-ing I've been doing a bit more than usual lately. But I digress...
We are so blessed. Friends are treasures. Thank you Lonna, Evie and Michelle! Have a Cosmo at The House for me this week!
I miss our friends in Chiang Mai. They are so great. In fact today I emailed my three closest girlfriends in Chiang Mai with a little wish list of things I requested they buy for me to pass to Andrey when they see him since he won't have time to do a bunch of shopping. The list included Thai coffee, Thai instant noodles (so spicy and delicious and ready in an instant in a hunger crisis and there's a brand I love that doesn't have MSG), and seeds for the planting of essential ingredients in authentic Thai dishes like keffir lime leaves and Thai basil. All three of my friends responded right away saying they were on it and happy to do it and asked if there was anything else I really wanted but felt too bad to ask for. They are the coolest ladies and I love them! So then I want to cry because I miss them a lot and because they get to see each other and have fun without me. Boo hoo.
Well at some point I'll get over my little pity party and realize that I should just be thankful for the fact that God provides GREAT friends to Andrey and I everywhere we live! It's amazing, really. We have really good friends that we keep up with regularly in Canada, the US, and Thailand. And thanks to our new Vonage phone (with a Seattle phone number) and Skype we are able to chat with dear friends often. Just the other day I chatted with a friend in Seattle for nearly 2 hours. This might explain why I haven't been getting much done on my assignments lately - or perhaps it's the blogging and facebook-ing I've been doing a bit more than usual lately. But I digress...
We are so blessed. Friends are treasures. Thank you Lonna, Evie and Michelle! Have a Cosmo at The House for me this week!
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Good Medicine
That is, for my achey-ness...
Thank you, dear friends for encouraging me and lifting me up after my last blog entry. I actually cried tears of joy reading your comments because I felt the love of God reaching out to me through each of you. I am so thankful for friends and for God's grace in comforting me in my rougher moments. I am thankful that I am able to be this honest and vulnerable here. I have a few good models for this (Mel!).
I felt a little trepidation in hitting the "publish post" button. In fact, I've composed a couple of other very similar posts in the past when I was struggling with the same emotions but it just felt too raw and I felt too exposed to actually put it out there. I think part of that was the fact that I hadn't really opened up to anyone who had been through something similar about it yet. But in the past few months I've connected with a few people who have also experienced or are experiencing infertility and/or adoption and it's become a great strength to me. I have been emailing with some wonderful women lately - sharing my story of infertility/adoption and hearing of theirs and its been incredibly therapeutic. I usually cry my eyes out when I write about my experiences but I think that is part of the therapy - getting in touch with those underlying emotions that need a release.
There is no reason to go through this feeling isolated and alone. I have learned that I can choose to reach out and rely on others and that by not doing that I am choosing to go through it alone. In December last year when the strong feelings of grief surfaced for the first time (they came just as we made the decision to let go of trying to become pregnant and begin the adoption process), I longed to open up to someone. I cried for 3 days. I really felt alone in my pain then and that was my lowest point. Of course Andrey was there and he was quite sensitive to me but as a man he just doesn't understand what it feels like and I needed to talk to other women who understand that deep and powerful desire to bear children.
So I am convinced that there is no reason to go down the path of infertility alone staring at my feet. Because once I lift my head and look around I realize that what I thought was a tiny, dark path is really a spacious well-used trail that so many others have been on.
So thank you dear friends. You have really blessed me.
Thank you, dear friends for encouraging me and lifting me up after my last blog entry. I actually cried tears of joy reading your comments because I felt the love of God reaching out to me through each of you. I am so thankful for friends and for God's grace in comforting me in my rougher moments. I am thankful that I am able to be this honest and vulnerable here. I have a few good models for this (Mel!).
I felt a little trepidation in hitting the "publish post" button. In fact, I've composed a couple of other very similar posts in the past when I was struggling with the same emotions but it just felt too raw and I felt too exposed to actually put it out there. I think part of that was the fact that I hadn't really opened up to anyone who had been through something similar about it yet. But in the past few months I've connected with a few people who have also experienced or are experiencing infertility and/or adoption and it's become a great strength to me. I have been emailing with some wonderful women lately - sharing my story of infertility/adoption and hearing of theirs and its been incredibly therapeutic. I usually cry my eyes out when I write about my experiences but I think that is part of the therapy - getting in touch with those underlying emotions that need a release.
There is no reason to go through this feeling isolated and alone. I have learned that I can choose to reach out and rely on others and that by not doing that I am choosing to go through it alone. In December last year when the strong feelings of grief surfaced for the first time (they came just as we made the decision to let go of trying to become pregnant and begin the adoption process), I longed to open up to someone. I cried for 3 days. I really felt alone in my pain then and that was my lowest point. Of course Andrey was there and he was quite sensitive to me but as a man he just doesn't understand what it feels like and I needed to talk to other women who understand that deep and powerful desire to bear children.
So I am convinced that there is no reason to go down the path of infertility alone staring at my feet. Because once I lift my head and look around I realize that what I thought was a tiny, dark path is really a spacious well-used trail that so many others have been on.
So thank you dear friends. You have really blessed me.
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