It's been 11 months since we were approved by the adoption board of the Philippines. Up until yesterday we hadn't heard of anyone else getting matched who were approved the same time as us. Yesterday I heard that a couple in the US (the husband is Filipino and they have no children) were just matched with a 9-month-old. Guess when they were approved? December 2008. We were approved in December 2008.
I think (I think) this means that our application is out there. Available. Up for grabs. This is big. I think.
In the past few months, since I became part of an online group for families adopting internationally from the Philippines, I've vacillated between thinking we might get matched soon to thinking it might be a while yet. I heard of families who waited more than TWO YEARS to be matched and many and what seems like the majority have waited around 18 months. I just wish I knew when it was going to happen! It's driving me a little crazy. Not that I'm feeling really really antsy and impatient yet. I'm not. I mean, of course I am ready and really, really want our chil(ren) to join our family but I know that we haven't been waiting that long and there are just so many families out there that have waited much longer than us that are still waiting. But the stories of some getting matched really soon and then the stories on the other end of the spectrum just screw with my head, back in forth. From excited to relaxed. From impatient to patient. From anticipating the phone to ring any minute and wishing it would, to planning something months down the road and feeling pretty sure we won't have kids by then.
Do I just keep doing what I'm doing, knowing that it could change at any moment but not expecting it to. Or should I be living my life as if it will be any time. If so, what should I be doing? What will I look back on and wish I was doing RIGHT NOW. At least in this moment I'm in the "It could be soon. It might be soon. What if it's soon?" mode. Maybe next week I'll be back to the "It's not gonna happen for a while so just chill out and wait" mode. I can't seem to find a middle ground.
3 comments:
The beginning of your post gave me chills! When you let us know you got the call we are going to Happy Dance, Whoop and Holler our way around the house.
Will pray that God continues to prepare you and your child(ren) and shows you to that middle ground.
I am really glad that I got lots of organizing and decluttering projects done before Joshua came along. Things are devolving and piling up around here, so I hate to imagine how much worse it would have been if I hadn't done that stuff before.
Oh man, I can totally understand how you would vacillate so much! Very cool to have all these emotions documented as one day soon you'll be changed forever again and you may forget how you felt in the days/months leading up to it. Go team!
Take a breath Jen. Take a nap. Perhaps the twins are not even born yet. God knows where they are. And soon you will know also. Get that nap while you can. And prepare to whip up homemade baby food. Yipee, a whole new way to cook. BYW, I really do know how to spell "angel."
Aunt Jan
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