Adoption Update

As of July 8, we have been waiting 19 months since approval of the adoption board of the Philippines. I just heard about a non-Filipino family that was recently matched with a child. They waited 21 months. To my knowledge however, there are still numerous families waiting for a match that have already waited close to two years. We still have no idea when our day will come but there have been a few encouraging developments lately that I will share at the end of this note. Before I do that, I need to vent a little about something we are working on.

Our agency in the US recently informed us that the Adoption Board of the Philippines created a new form titled, "Type of child acceptable to Family." They encouraged us to fill out this new form and submit it to them so they can forward it to the adoption board for us. We filled a similar form out during our first home study. The new form has been updated and expanded and is more specific, listing more than double the number of conditions included on the original form.

This form was probably my least favorite thing about this adoption process so far, besides the long wait. Just look at the title - type of child acceptable?? I despise the thought of having to think through and decide the type of child we find acceptable.

Here is the list, word for word (there's a box to check next to each condition either 'accept' or 'not accept':

Birth Condition - Premature, undescended testicle, umbilical hernia, physical abnormalities (cleft lip, cleft palate)

Eye Condition - Visual acuity abnormalities, strabismus

Ear Condition - Hearing impairment, ear deformity

Heart Problems - heart murmur, heart defect (may require surgery)

Hematologic Disorder - G6PD, thalasemia, others

Infectious Disease - Hepatitis B, First degree infection under medication

Orthopedic Problems - Hand anomalies, leg anomalies (bowed leg), foot anomalies (requiring cane, leg braces, or splint), facial feature anomalies

Emotional and Social Development - Autism, ADHD, known history of physical/sexual abuse

Developmental Delays - Cerebral palsy, seizures, speech related problems (stuttering, lisps, etc.), gross motor delay, hyperactivity, slight developmental delay, global developmental delay, speech delay, metal retardation (mild)

Parental Background - No known information; History of: drug use, alcohol use, emotional illness (e.g. depression), mental illness (e.g. schizophrenia, psychosis), mentally challenged, with criminal record, child of rape, child of incest

Other - lactose intolerance, skin conditions (eczema, dermatitis), bronchial asthma, hypo/hyperthyroidism, needing surgical procedure(s), large hemangioma (which will disappear over time), dental carries

I have so many problems with this form! My mind just goes berserk when I read each condition. Premature? Are we talking 3 months or 3 weeks premature? Alcohol/drug abuse in the mother - was this during pregnancy? If so, how much alcohol? What kind of drugs? How was the child affected? Cerebral palsy - Is this really considered a developmental delay? What degree are we talking? Seizures? What is the underlying condition causing them? How severe? How often? Hematologic disorders - what does "others" refer to? Infectious disease - Do I only need to consider Hep B? What about HIV & TB? Why aren't those on the list? I could go on....

Aside from these things, and the over-arching dislike for such a list is the problem I have with playing God, so to speak. I mean, I understand why we have to fill out such form but geez, this has got to be my least favorite part of the adoption process because of the knowing that by checking a 'not accept' box, I am eliminating an actual child in need of a family. It just seems wrong to have to choose.

Now it would be fine if the choice was between a child considered to be "normal" and a child with certain special needs but these aren't the options (I was naive early on to think it was this black and white) and even if they were, who are we to limit our choice to a "normal" child? Of course parents of biological children would choose to give birth to a healthy, normal child but given the option of having a child with some form of challenge (as is the case in all adoptive children), who would want the responsibility to pick and choose that which they would be faced with? Normally, you get pregnant, you pray for the best, do the best you can to take care of yourself and then be prepared to take on whatever your child presents with, because that child is your child.

Whatever boxes we check, we have to be willing to take a child with such a condition. If we check the box and then we're presented with a child with that condition, we have very little grounds to reject that referral. So we'd better be darned sure we are willing to take whatever we check "accept." But how do we know? We are not familiar with many of these conditions and what impact they have on the child. I have some research to do.

Besides, even if I fill out a form and feel pretty confident that I can "handle" the conditions I checked off, the child we get is not just a list of conditions. He/she is a child with complex genetic and environmental make-up that blend together into something unique. You just truly have no idea what you are going to get! So I guess in the end, all we can do is fill out the form the best we can and trust God with the result, knowing that ultimately, what we receive will be from Him and we will accept and deal with whatever we are faced with, because that child will be our child. Still, I don't have to like the process.

So with this, I am asking for your support in prayer in the next day or so as Andrey and I fill out this new form. Our hope is that we will be led by the Holy Spirit to check those boxes that we feel we are willing to take on, even if it is something we'd rather not deal with.

It's not realistic to just check 'not accept' on most boxes as I really believe it eliminates 90% of children waiting for a family. We also know that regardless of what may be said of a child's health status, there may be other conditions present and in different degrees than stated. Frankly, we are prepared for some challenges and feel ready to take on whatever our child presents with. Maybe it's not even about what we feel we can handle but about what we feel led by God to be open to taking on. As I write, I realize this may be a attitude in which to approach this list. So really, it's up to the Lord to guide us! Simple as that! There is just no way I can rely on my own human wisdom in this. What we need is divine wisdom and discernment and as you pray with us for that, I will expect to be lead. Okay, I feel better about this now.

I have two more (positive) things I want to mention. Our agency also encouraged all families who have been waiting longer than a year to write a brief card to the adoption board including a few updated family photos, that says something like, "We are eagerly awaiting the referral of our child... here are some recent photos." We are happy to get the chance to do this and have already printed three photos to include in our note. One of Andrey with his (Filipino) staff, one of me at work at the clinic with my (Filipino) co-workers and one of us together on our recent trip to India. If you couldn't tell, the choice of photos is very strategic for us and hope they will show that we are well integrated into Philippines society and familiar with Asian culture in general.

Now I've saved the best for last. Something very encouraging came to our attention a few days ago. Our social worker in Manila who works for Holt's partner agency emailed us to tell us that she recently wrote a letter to the adoption board, "appealing to the Board to consider [us] soonest for a referral due to [us] have been living in Cebu, Philippines since 2007."

Our social worker actually wanted us to write a letter to the adoption board like this many months ago but our agency in the US said we'd better not as we hadn't waited even 18 months yet at that time. Well the day after our 19 months mark, our social worker took the liberty (likely with the approval of the US agency), to send such a letter. I got very excited when I read that!

Thanks for your support and prayers! We so blessed to have so many family and friends supporting us in this journey. Lord bless you today!