Family

We noticed many months ago that our daughter is really good at remembering the names of people she meets and their family members. For instance, whenever we talk about Ella's good friend Tessi, she will usually ask about Tessi's brother, mommy and daddy, all by name. At night we pray for our god-daughter in the US. When we pray for her Ella always interrupts and lists the names of the rest of the family members, all five of them. She met them for the first time in April. If we talk about her cousin in Canada she will always say, Uncle Mike, Auntie Lisa! Or my brother in Florida. Uncle Luke, Aunt Tonya, Hattie. I could go on.

It wasn't until recently, when she started often listing the names in our family, Mommy... Daddy... Ella! that it occurred to me what this means.

This shows me that she is beginning to understand the concept of family.  In my adoption reading during our wait for a child, I learned that many adopted children do not understand what family is and that it has to be learned, or re-learned.  I had never considered this before but it made sense to me. Ella only had female caregivers during her first two years of life.  It is only reasonable that she clung to me right away but for many months wondered why this big white guy kept hanging around. She had no concept of a male caregiver, much less a father.

I now think she gets it. She knows that I am her mommy, Andrey is her daddy and that we belong together and will stay together. Attachment is a process and I'm not sure we can yet say "we've arrived" but this is a pretty significant development in the process. I am so pleased and so thankful.

Lately she's been interested in the baby carrier again after many months of not needing it or using it. Last week she asked to be in it with me after she woke up from a nap. I was surprised when she wanted to stay in it for nearly 30 minutes with her head on my chest like a baby. Even our relationship is still in process.

I am just amazed when I think of how far Ella and Andrey have come in their relationship in 14 months. A few nights ago she asked to go in the baby carrier with daddy for a nighttime walk. I can't recall her ever being carried by daddy in it on the front. She only went in it a few times on his back during hikes last Spring in the US and her going in there wasn't by her request but because mommy was really tired of carrying her. This was different. This was voluntary, requested, cuddly-closeness with her daddy.

As much as Ella needed a family, we needed her. We longed and ached for a child for most of our eight years of marriage prior to her joining our family. And for the record, she is not the lucky one. We are.

Ella's daddy has been patiently waiting for his daughter's love and affection for a long time. He hasn't pushed it, even when he could have, even when I thought he should, he didn't. He waited and let her initiate each gradual level of connection. And oh it has been so very gradual but would you just look at them now!

Monday Morning

Sometimes I can feel a little sad with the start of a new week when Andrey goes back to work. It's mainly because I love having him around and the family time we have on the weekends and the welcome break I get not being the only one to care for and entertain Ella. It's just more fun to do it together.

But I know that feeling isn't one I should dwell on. This morning I am reminded of God's faithfulness and his new mercy. I am specifically thankful that my husband has work. Not just work but a dream job in many respects. How many people do we know that do not have work and are struggling to provide for their families? How many families do we know that are living apart due to financial constraints (husbands or wives living in another city because of work opportunities, this is very common in the Philippines)? And here we are with PLENTY and SO so much to be thankful for beyond just financial provision.

I am also thankful for the good health we enjoy. This is easy to remember when I think about our neighbors next door (who are also our good friends) who lost a wife/mother to cancer a few months ago.

I am thankful that I am able to stay home with Ella - that I'm not forced to work. What a privilege. I have realized (again) that attachment is a process and our girl is still very much bonding to us and our family. I'm so thankful I can be a constant presence for her.

Here are a few shots from our Monday morning - quite typical of weekday mornings around here. 

Ella, still in her PJ's out for an early morning bike ride with some cereal in her basket to munch on.

The bees are having breakfast, too. Ella and Andrey regularly have morning walks together and they love to watch the bees.

It's a mobile breakfast this morning.

Another thing to be thankful for - our wonderful helper! It's not even 7 am and she's busy cleaning up the yard waste she chopped down from our crazy jungle garden last Friday. Love this woman!

And here a few moments from Friday afternoon.

With "Ate Rau Rau" (FYI 'Ate' is pronounced Ah-tay and means older sister) Ella loves her play time with Ate Rau2x on Friday afternoons.

 

One of Ella's favorite activities when Daddy comes home from work

 

What are you thankful for at the start of a new week?

Nine Years! (Our Story)

Nine years ago I married this Canadian guy, Andrey. We met at church four years prior. We were friends. We hung out in the same social circle. We went to coffee shops to study together (he was in law school, I was studying nutrition). We were not remotely interested in each other.

I thought he was too nerdy and clean-cut for me. That was back when I still cared about being cool and actually thought I was. (Turns out self-awareness comes with age and putting off of the old self, or false self, comes with discipleship.) Andrey thought I was a little too "edgy." I used to dye my hair in wild colors - from platinum blonde to red/orange. You can see why it took nearly four years before things changed (although friends saw it well before we did).

Over those four years I changed a lot and learned more about who I really was. Andrey was still nerdy and clean cut but I began to see him very differently. He was a guy that everybody loves (still is!) with a personality that draws you to him. (How did I resist his manly charms for so long!?)

Alaska, 1999 - I'm the blonde in the front

Alaska, 1999 - Andrey is front right

Andrey and I led a home group together and got to know each other better. I was so impressed with how well we worked together and was especially impressed when he defended me to a guy in our group that said that it was okay for me to "serve refreshments" but not okay for me to pray out loud. I began viewing this nerdy guy in a different light. This guy was quality.

Then, a year or so later, God really turned on the light. I couldn't get him out of my mind so I prayed and prayed and prayed that the Lord would show me if this was it. He did. God asked me what I wanted and did I want Andrey? After listing all his wonderful qualities on paper and comparing them to my list of qualities I wanted in a husband (and I decided I could let the item good dancer go), I realized he measured up to everything. I told the Lord, yes, this is the guy I want. And this was before I really knew how great he is!

I kept this revelation to myself as Andrey was traveling in SE Asia (including Thailand and the Philippines, who knew?) after taking the BAR exam. What I didn't know is that he was also praying to try to figure out "what to do about Jen."

When he returned home to Seattle and we saw each other again at church, there was a huge spark. We made excuses to hang out a few times and soon after he asked me out on "some dates." I hid my extreme excitement as I heard this and responded with, "Umm, sure, that would be great." Then I went inside my house to my four female roommates and squealed on the floor like a school girl. Within a week of our first date we were madly in love. Like seriously giddy, drunk, can't focus on anything else, in love. Having to wait TWO months for that proposal felt like FOREVER!

He took me snowboarding and we got engaged on a snowy mountain in Vancouver. What a dreamy day!

Abbotsford, BC - January, 2002 - Engagement Party

Six months after the proposal, we married on July 12, 2002.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico - July 2002 - Honeymoon

I had no idea how life-giving our relationship would be and where God would take us together. Andrey is my best friend and is absolutely my most favorite person to be with. He is so even keel and solid and kind and loving - even when I'm not so easy to love. And he is an amazing father.

He has played a huge part in the deep emotional and spiritual healing I have experienced over the past decade. I'll never forget when we got together when he called me a jewel of creation. This is a picture of true love. All made possible because of our Father in heaven who is the definition of Love. This is the kind of love that transforms and empowers and the whole thing is marked with joy.

I love you, Andrey! Happy Anniversary!

First Father's Day

What a joy to celebrate Andrey's first father's day. We got a three-day weekend due to Rizal Day here in the Philippines on Monday so we got to spend lots of time together before Andrey headed to Manila this week. In the last six months or so, he had a slight change to his job that has him traveling to Manila for 2-3 days every other week. Ella and I really miss him when he's away. 

I asked him to grill on Father's Day because I was inspired by a meal in one of my favorite cookbooks Moosewood Restaurant Celebrates and because I know he loves to grill. I prepared a Caribbean Jerk Grill that included a Jerk sauce, which I enjoyed calling, I'm so glad my husband is not a jerk sauce. We enjoyed our favorite special occasion meat, steak, plus some shrimp and veggie skewers, roasted potatoes, pineapple margaritas and a fruit and nut chocolate tart.

 

 

 

Not only is he not a jerk but he's such a great husband and Dad! Like when I married Andrey, I knew he'd be a great husband but I really had no idea how great he'd be. He totally exceeded (and still does) my expectations. Now that he's a Dad, the same goes. I always knew, and for years dreamed how amazing a Dad he would be. He's even more patient and loving and kind to Ella than I imagined. When he's home, he is focused on Ella and plays with her for long hours at a time. Her time with Daddy has become her great delight. On many a morning, "E-D" is the first thing she says after she wakes, wanting to know where he is.

  

On Monday we went to a mountain resort place called Genesis Valley that we heard good things about.

It did not disappoint and we'll definitely be back. They have a series of pools of different depths and a large playground. Ella swam for over two hours (with a lunch break in between). She had so much fun with Daddy that there were times I felt a little like a third wheel - and that's a new feeling for me! I love it though. I just love it that Ella and Andrey have so much fun together, especially in the pool. They play all sorts of fun games together. They hop on one leg and fall over. Ella rides on his back. She jumps into the water to him or jumps and then swims to him. There is a lot of jumping into the water these days. In this photo Andrey is catching her but most of the time she just jumps right in like that on her own. Sometimes she floats head down for up to five seconds before swimming back up. She's amazing. Here are some shots and a short video of the pool action.

One thing's for sure, he has no problem being nerdy in public with his daughter. What a guy!

 Happy Father's Day, Andrey. We love you!

Weekends with E-D and the Love of Water

Ella and I love having Daddy around every weekend. Saturday mornings are such a fun time. We like to have a big breakfast and then Andrey and Ella get lots of playing in together while I get a little time to myself. Yes! Last Saturday I went out for coffee with a friend and this Saturday I hung out in our room (to get away from the karaoke, mind you) and have some computer time and exercise.

Morning swim with Daddy in our ridiculously small kiddie pool

Ella just adores her Daddy and it is such a joy to see. This morning when she woke up and Andrey was out of the room, the first thing she said was "E-D" and wanted me to take her to him. That's how she pronounces Daddy. I love it so much that she wants to see him and be with him as much as possible. The other morning when we got to sleep in Ella rolled over onto E-D and cuddled with him for quite a while. And that was before she so much as needed me, mmMeee, as I'm called. (She still sleeps in her bed at night but often ends up in our bed by morning.)

  

After a walk with Daddy in the rain. He let her hold the umbrella so they both got soaked but they both loved it

Helping Daddy wash the dishes

I started exercising again. My goal is three times a week. Lately, I've been back into Jillian Michael's 25 minute videos and I feel great when I do them. I'm thinking about getting some yoga videos to do as bonus. I am quite motivated to do yoga when I body gets achey. Yoga makes my body feel great and totally eradicates the lower back pain I get from lifting Ella all the time.

Speaking of which, Ella still requires carrying most of the time although she is getting much better at walking when she's in the right mood for it. I've started encouraging her to walk more but I don't push it if she insists on being carried. As much as it annoys me at times - especially when I have lots of other stuff to carry like when we're out shopping - I am trying to remember that someday she will need me less and I do enjoy holding her close. It would be one thing if I felt she was just being lazy but I don't think that's it. I think she still has a need for closeness and the security that comes with it.

I think this because she usually needs me to carry her when she hasn't had enough one-on-one time with me that day or when she's tired, which is normal for a child to get a bit clingy when they're tired. When she's well rested and has had plenty of mommy time at home, she can walk for quite a while when we're out together. To encourage her walking I've stopped bringing the stroller out with us. (After all, she's almost 3!) She's also getting better about sitting in the cart when we're shopping. I have to pick the right times to do our grocery shopping because if I go a little too close to nap time then I end up carrying her and pushing a heavy cart of groceries around the store (and feeling bitter about it, like oh poor me this is so hard). And the carts here have four multi-directional wheels, not just two in the front like in North America and that makes them quite unwieldy. But hey, I don't go shopping with FOUR kids like my friend Mel so I feel like I have it pretty easy and shouldn't complain.

I can barely concentrate on this post because there is karaoke blaring again. I'm going to have to have a talk with them asap because I am feeling on the edge!!! While she sings, "I will survive!" I wonder if I will.

In the Philippines when it rains, small children will take off their clothes and run in the street to play in the rain all the while chanting, "Ligo uwan! Ligo uwan!" (bathe in the rain! bathe in the rain!) It's so cute to see. Now Ella does it too. The first thing she does when she sees rain is run outside and start stripping down. 

Ligo uwan with a little extra fun with the hose - notice how nearly everything this girl loves involves water!

We've taken Ella swimming the past couple Sunday afternoons and it is becoming a fun family outing for us. Ella's skill in the pool is ever-increasing and that's without any direction from us. She is such a fish. She is now diving in head first, doing flips under the water, swimming on her side, nearly floating and lots of other fun moves that are hard to describe - all in the shallow end, mind you. I'll try and take some video next time. Other people in the pool always watch her, ask how old she is, then comment how amazing and fearless she is. She is so much fun to watch. Especially the first 15 minutes in the pool when she wears a perma-smile. She comes up out of the water with eyes open and a huge smile on her face before going under again. She is just SO happy to be in the pool!

Thankfully, she is inhaling less water and gagging these days. Did I tell you she barfed in the pool at the Sheraton when we were in DC? Yeah, no shallow end with Ella jumping in to me over and over and over again and not wanting me to hold her meant she drank and inhaled quite a bit. Now I know to get out ASAP when she starts to cough and gag. They had to tell all the guests to get out of the pool for cleaning and closed it for 20 minutes. I felt so bad for the other swimmers (and a little embarrassed). The same thing has happened in the shallow area at a pool in Cebu twice before but that was when she was just getting used to holding her breath under the water.

She swam for record duration last weekend - over two hours and was asking for more! It tires her out so much that her sleep has been great after her swimming sessions. I'm gonna try to get her out once during the week as well as I think she may not be getting enough exercise lately. It's been taking her quite a while to fall asleep at night these days. I think I'm gonna buy her a tricycle to try to get some more daily activity in and see if that helps. 

Anniversary Week (8 years!)

Yikes! How does this happen? Weeks go by and I haven't blogged. After about a month of slower days things suddenly became busy. There is much to update and I'm not sure where to start. Well I wanted to post about our anniversary so I'll start with that.

Andrey and I had a nice anniversary. A bit strange, but nice. Strange in that it was an all around untypical day. I worked all night at the clinic the night before and stayed late well into the morning to help as there were three women in labor (including the woman I was up with all night; poor thing was having a very long difficult labor making just enough progress for us to be able to keep her in the clinic), four postpartum moms and their babies, about five women waiting for a pap smear and tetanus shots, and new patients waiting to be interviewed. I stuck around to help as long as I could but eventually had to leave to get some rest. There were several extra staff around by then to help. I was disappointed I wasn't physically able to stick around long enough to see my patient deliver. I haven't had a birth in SO LONG so I was really hoping to get to deliver her baby. Okay, so that was beside the point. Needless to say I was tired.

Andrey was tired because he was up in the middle of the night to watch the World Cup final at 2:30 am. He had a few friends over. So he slept a bit in the morning then went to work when I arrived home around 11. Then I slept while he worked for a few hours. When he came home he woke me up and I stumbled out of our bedroom in a fog to find some beautiful lilies and roses in a vase on the table. What a nice surprise!

The afternoon was strange because we just puttered around the house and were a bit lazy together. By the evening we finally decided to go out for dinner, which we did and shared a bottle of wine that just about put me to sleep, but it was nice to get out.

After eight years, I'd say, we don't look half bad. It's our love that keeps us looking youthful. ;-)

I just have to give props to my wonderful husband. He is still my favorite person to be with. We laugh together often, get along great and make a great team. I knew he was the right one to marry but I didn't know how perfect he was for me until after we got married. Since then, I have been amazed at how the Lord gave me something even better than I could have asked for or imagined. Wow. I'm still blown away by that.

Andrey continually amazes me at how kind he is to me when I'm not the most lovable. He just seems to know what I need. He is affectionate and encouraging. He speaks loving, kind words to me daily - especially first thing in the morning when I am too sleepy to return the kindness.

He is a joy and a blessing and I am so very thankful for him. The lesson? Delight yourself in the Lord (and wait for His plan to unfold) and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37), even before you even know what those true desires are. God is good. We experience His goodness and love in each other daily.

So I guess this has turned into an anniversary post. Will update the rest soon...