To Really Live...

Some days I feel I am wasting precious time. Something tells me it's because I am. I can get so wrapped up in "my life" that being challenged to go out of my way for another offends me. Sure it is easy to serve the people I really like - anyone can do that - but to serve those not in my immediate circle and those who are not easy to love? Oh the wretchedness of self! As a Christian I have erroneously believed that I'd reached this place of selflessness and once there, I was changed forever - immune to the onslaughts of self. Oh how wrong this is.

How quickly I forget my desperate need for Christ - his resurrection power, his Spirit - and how essential staying tapped into it is, to being willing to lay down my life. Clearly, left to my own devices, I end up living according to the default modus operandis. My default m.o. is that of self. Self-centered, self-focused, straight up selfishness. Sometimes I put a convincing shiny gloss over it and try to call it something else but deep down I know what it really is.

I can not passively expect transformation to selflessness. The only way to combat selfishness is to actively choose daily to live according to a different force. The power of the Spirit. Only then can I follow Jesus' example and live like he did, literally pouring out his life for the broken, the hurting, the prisoners, the exploited - those in bondage to sin and culture and generational curses and poverty.

The same power that raised Christ from the dead supposedly lives in me. Do I really believe this? Sadly, my life doesn't always make that fact clear. It's not enough to know it's there. I have to choose daily to access it and live according to it. Only then will I be able to see and hear the words and leading of the One who calls me beloved. Only then will I have the courage and selflessness to act.

Jesus said,

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it."

I've never liked this verse. It's too challenging. Too difficult to understand (is it?). Surely it must not mean what it sounds like it means. I have rationalized and diluted its meaning for years. I all too often tend to give and serve when it's convenient. I give out of my abundance and then pat myself on the back when I do. Blech!

But today, what I am hearing is that I must not spend my energy on protecting this life of mine, to build it up, to improve it, to save it - strictly for the comfort of it. No. I must give it away. Lay it down. For me this begins with laying down my to-do list, my schedule, what I guard and regard as "my time." It also means living with less and giving away more.

Everywhere I look it's the same message.

"Those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples" Luke 14: 33

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant..." Philippians 2:1-7

"Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did." 1 John 2:6

"This how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another. If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

I have believed for some time that I should wait until these things come naturally - until I am compelled by my compassion to act. And at times I do. I am learning that this doesn't always just happen and when it does, it not often enough. I have to decide it and takes steps toward it and structure my life in a way that is conducive to laying it down.

[By the way, I am not talking about working to earn my salvation. For I "have been saved by grace, through faith - and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) I know this well for it was heavily stamped into my mind as a child when I memorized this verse at church in Awana. Frankly, the emphasis on this verse freed me from feeling guilty about my life not looking any different after I "got saved." I was taught that if any "works" were of the wrong motivation, they would just be "filthy rags" before the Lord (from Isaiah 64: 6). This was a good thing to learn. Of course we can not earn God's love or our salvation but for some reason something I heard made me think it didn't matter that much about how I lived, as long as I really knew I was saved. I had heard somewhere that if I doubted my salvation, it meant I wasn't really saved and so I did my best to feel sure. I must have "prayed the sinner's prayer" numerous times in those early years. Besides the basic issues of moral behavior (no swearing, no drinking, no sex before marriage), the only imperative I knew about after I received Jesus and for many years afterward, was evangelism. You as a Christian must do this - regardless of how loving or unloving you go about it. (After trying unsuccessfully to convert my friends and get them to pray the sinners prayer in junior high, I promptly gave up and opted for being cool, which at the time, was easier for me to attain. I have felt a tremendous amount of guilt over the years for never having gotten anyone "saved." What a failure. For most of my youth I just went along living my nominal Christian life like my friends did and sadly like I saw other Christians doing. After all, I'm saved aren't I? So what's wrong with having a little fun?) But what about the very next verse in Ephesians? Why didn't we memorize this as well as it is clearly an integral and connected part of this passage? "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."!!! Ephesians 2:10]

What about that?? Are we just wooden pieces that get moved around by God the Grand Chess Player as one of his pawns? I don't believe so. He has given us the ability to choose and decide. We have our will after all. And there are always consequences to our decisions - both positive and negative - that affect us, the people around us, and the world in general.

Is it possible that we might miss out - or more importantly, that others might miss out on experiencing Jesus' life and peace and rescue and healing if we don't act? Although I hate to admit it, I think so.

So am I to go around feverishly trying to help all the broken and hurting people around me? Impossible! I could spend every waking hour of every day for the rest of my life and still not reach them all. So how do I know who to go to in the name of Jesus? Who to encourage, who to pray for, who to share food with, who to help with their medical bills when everywhere I go there are needy people. The main point though, even if I don't get it right all the time, is to do something. The worst thing is to not do anything, which is just so tempting!!!

That is why I must DAILY commune with God's Spirit. So that I can see and hear and act according to that. And also so that I can act out of his power, his love, his rest, and not out of my own strength and striving, which will just end me up jaded, bitter and burnt out. Jesus did what he saw the Father doing. So we also must. And in order to see and hear, we must be looking and listening. We must be willing to risk and practice. And in order to live from his strength and power, we must draw close to him, learning to rest in him daily. I think this is where I continually get off-track. How many times do I have to be reminded of the same thing until I get it!? The key is to not feel condemned and give up but to accept God's mercy and take comfort from the life of amazingly effective ministers like Paul who, in expressing his frustration with the power of the sin nature in his own life said, "What a wretched man I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" And to that he says in the very next verse, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 7:24-25)

I regularly get wrapped up and distracted by my own needs and desires that I stop looking and listening. And I forget that I need God's strength and so I live out of my own and end up weary. And I have learned not to do something out of obligation or guilt as something done without love is useless. But when I give up all together, this is when I waste precious time. Time that could be used to be Christ incarnate to a hurting, starving, suffering, empty, evil world. How else will the world know God? It's not enough that I go to church on Sunday. It's not enough that my husband works for a Christian organization that seeks justice on behalf of the poor. It's not enough that we live here in the Philippines if I am just going to pass over the poor as I go about my to do list. I'm sick of feeling afraid and making up a million excuses as to why I can't stop and take time to be Jesus to someone in need when it wasn't on my schedule!

God sent Jesus so that humans could experience God in human form. When Jesus was resurrected into heaven he left his work for his followers to do. He sent the Holy Spirit to empower this work. As Christians, we are not only followers, we are his body. As Christ was God made flesh, we are Christ made flesh. We are his hands, his feet, his life, his representatives. The bible and the accounts of Jesus' life are FULL of examples of walking with, living among, and seeking out the poor. Clearly this is important to him.

I think one of the biggest disservices we can do as Christians for other Christians and to the rest of the world is to not live as Jesus lived, thereby giving others a poor example of who Christ really is. Over the years we have met other Christians who are risking their very lives and even the lives of their children to follow Jesus. We have friends who live part of the year in the jungles of Burma, serving displaced people who live daily under the threat of attack by the Burma army. And our other friends who just picked up their family with two young children and moved to a country in central Asia. And not that you have to pick up and move to be faithful to what Jesus is calling you to. Of course there are many, many others we know who are making risks and faithfully and obediently serving Jesus. Their examples speak volumes to us.

Many faithful people in our community here in Cebu (led by the example of Jackie Pullinger) are teaching us, by their example (of course they're not perfect) what it means to be a follower of Jesus as they regularly lay down their lives to serve the poor. These are not well-educated people with theological training. They are people who rely on the the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to them through the bible and then live according to what they learn. Simple as that.

I am seeing faith lived out in a way that looks very close to what I read about in the first five books of the New Testament. It is this example that challenges and spurs me on to grow and change and live according to what my gut tells me - that there is more to this life of faith! It is an example like those we've witnessed that Andrey and I want to be to our children. This is the legacy we desire to pass on. Not safety, not security, not comfort, not mediocrity, not loving only when it's convenient, not giving only when we have enough for ourselves...

Gracious Lord I cry out to you for mercy. For time is short and I don't want to waste any more of it. You have touched and healed my life. You have rescued and saved me. How could I ever repay you? You deserve nothing less than my life laid down and for me to live out that which you have prepared in advance for me. You say we are to love you. That is the greatest commandment. You also say that if we love you, we are to feed your sheep and love our neighbor as our self. Help me Lord! For it's only in YOU that this is possible.

Isaiah 58:6-12 (The Message)

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

"If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again."

Thanksgiving Week, 15 Years Ago

This week marks 15 years since I was diagnosed with cancer and had major abdominal surgery to find out where else the cancer was growing. I remember how unfortunate it was to have to have surgery the week of Thanksgiving, having to miss my favorite family holiday. But it was a different day then.

I was a different person, and my relationship with my parents was just beginning to improve after I had been estranged from them for over a year. In fact, it was my experience with cancer that I attribute the beginning of the reconciliation with my parents. As it turned out (and to my initial horror), I needed them and I couldn't do everything by myself. The entire painful seven days in hospital, not once was I alone. My mom and dad took turns so someone would be with me at all hours. As I recovered and during the months of daily radiation treatments when I couldn't work or go to school and therefore couldn't pay the rent on my apartment, they took me in and cared for me. I had already been living on my own for over two years and was used to taking care of myself, so for me (and my extremely independent spirit) this was really hard.

In time I asked their forgiveness and they did not hesitate to forgive and receive me. Our relationship has only improved since then and I am deeply grateful for their love. They loved me the way Jesus loves us - unconditionally and undeservedly. Like the story of the prodigal son. The father in that story didn't care what his son had done. He desperately wanted his son back and received him with open arms when he finally did return.

Looking back, I realize that having cancer was the beginning of the restoration and reconciliation that has taken place in my life since then. It is a good practice to look back every now and then and recall all that has happened and give thanks for the Lord's grace, mercy, love and goodness. Truth be told, without Jesus, it is scary to think where my life would be today.

I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.
Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning....
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.
(Excerpts from the 30th Psalm of David)

burdens, blessings and something about love

My blogging has been spotty. I feel compelled to write something so I'm just going to start and see what comes out. I think sometimes I don't blog because I feel I don't have anything "good enough" to share. It's as if it needs to be a polished thought or an impressive post. I wish this wasn't so because sometimes I just need to write. I do reserve my journal for times like that as it is a place I can write more freely but I'd like to get better at doing a bit more of that here. One reason for that is that my favorite blogs are the ones that are real, raw and unpolished. They're just about life. And life, in its truest sense, is that. Raw. Real. Unpolished. Ugly, even. And, as this post turned out, corny. So at the risk of not sounding as cool and smart as I wish I was, I will ramble a bit about what has been occupying my time and thoughts these days and not waste time trying to make it sound good...

Lately I've been burdened. Burdened in one of the few positive ways one can be burdened. Burdened and compelled to pray, and compelled to treasure the numerous, abundant blessings in my life.

I am burdened by the sufferings of friends I know, of people I don't know and of things that are far-removed such as what I read about online or in the news. I can vascillate between feeling numb or feeling too much in reaction to what's going on around me. Lately it's been the latter. Here are a few examples of the things a little closer to home that make me feel deeply sobered to the realities of life...

I have a friend in Oregon whose 22-month-old son fell through a screen from the third floor of their town home onto his head on the concrete. He's hanging on but the extent of the damage is unclear at this point. Everyday I read her blog to get the latest update and hear her pour out her heart that is grieving, struggling, angry, and so, so sad that her son may never be the same again.

I have a friend at church whose 10-year-old son had brain surgery a week ago for bleeding in his brain after symptoms of a concussion weren't attended to while he was boxing in a neighborhood gym. He was encouraged to keep boxing and ended up unconscious. 10-years-old. His mother is 28 and 7-months-pregnant. Her 8th pregnancy in 11 years. They are very, very poor. Neither parent has a job. Thankfully the gym is paying for all of their son's expenses because there is just no way they could afford any of the care he's received. He woke up from a coma two days ago, thank God but the damage in his brain is yet to be determined.

One of the long-term midwives at Glory Reborn desperately wanted to get pregnant after she married. A year went by, and then another. So many of us prayed with and for her that she'd be blessed with a baby. And then it happened! And there was much joy and rejoicing and hope and excitement - especially on the part of Tina and her husband Vincent. Tina delivered a baby girl last month, "Hannah Monique." After birth, baby Hannah was rushed into surgery for a severe diaphragmatic hernia (the contents of her abdomen were displaced up into her chest cavity, restricting adequate growth and development of her heart and lungs). Everything that could possibly have been done was done but she didn't make it. Tina and Vincent were and are devastated.

I am sorry to depress you. These are just a few things/people that I think about a lot lately. The good side of this has been some of the moments in the past week that I have felt urged to soak up, inhale, take note of, revel in, and enjoy. Most of which have involved being with Andrey. Definitely the best thing in my life these days (& the past 7 years), is my relationship with Andrey. I really enjoyed hanging out with him this past weekend. Not that we don't usually enjoy spending time together, because we do. Time with Andrey - talking, eating, laughing, being silly - is one of the most life-giving things in my life and for some reason this weekend, even though it was full of ordinary life, just felt extra special.

Andrey typically isn't comfortable with being affectionate in public. I'm not talking about making out here. Ick. Not in public. We've become part Asian in that sense as we find ourselves very uncomfortable with inappropriate public displays of affection such as groping and necking. No, I'm talking about holding hands or walking with arms around each other. I love that stuff. I realize it's one of my most favorite things in the whole wide world, for Andrey to put his arm around me in public or want to hold my hand - more so in public because for me it means SO much that Andrey is compelled to express his love, not only just for me but for others to see. It sends the message to me that I am loved, wanted, special and that he's not ashamed to show it that I am his. I love it so much. Last weekend Andrey was uncharacteristically "lovie" with me in public. Once or even twice in the mall he reached over and kissed me on the forehead and smiled at me affectionately. I was beaming. I could have just melted into a soppy puddle right then and there in the pet shop. Few things make me feel happier or more loved.

Perhaps it's the fact that we know these days of just the two of us are fleeting and should be taken advantage of. Or perhaps it's the Lord further strengthening our marriage because we're going to need to be strong and united for the imminent parenting challenge ahead. Perhaps it's the awareness of how tragedy could strike at any time. As others can attest, life is just moving along and then BAM! - it's changed, forever. So I sat in the middle bench seat the other night when Andrey was taking me to work so we could be close and I told him how thankful I was that he's alive and doesn't have an unknown extent of brain damage. Time lately has been extra sweet and I am thankful. So, so thankful for all that we have. So thankful for my best friend. The guy I will team up with in this parenting thing soon enough and for the rest of my life, should the Lord bless us with that.

Part of the fun lately is seeing each other scold our cat Gerald when he does something he's not supposed to - like pee in our plants or scratch up our furniture. I was so entertained seeing Andrey run after Gerald, yelling his name scornfully. I too must look ridiculous when I suddenly get up from my chair to grab the spray bottle of water to discipline a silly little cat, provoked by his latest offense. I mentioned to Andrey something like this, "Man it's gonna be entertaining seeing each other lose our cool with our kids someday. I'm sure I'm going to find it hard not to laugh!" These are the things we look forward to, I guess.

I realize this post has turned corny. But love is corny so I don't care. God has given me a gift greater than I could ever have dreamed up myself. I am savoring and relishing this relationship; this partnership; this friendship. I want to combat the lie that all marriages eventually dry up and aren't fun anymore at some point. What a lie! Marriage is wonderful! We're coming up on our 7th anniversary and I'm still crazy for my nerdy husband!

I realize that if God could give me such a wonderful gift in Andrey, that I expect I will think the same of our future children. I know there will be times when I realize how perfect our adopted children are for our family and how precious they are. Times when I will be filled with love for them and with joy for God's amazingly creative goodness to us - how they were specifically chosen for and meant for our family. I'm really looking forward to that but am also really enjoying today.

We can't expect or demand a life without tragedy or suffering. Not in this world. In fact, living in the developing world has made me baffled at how little suffering I have experienced and how unbelievable that is when the majority of people in the world seem to have so many, inexplicably more serious daily challenges. That's one of the most significant things I've learned since moving overseas - that my life, my experience of life actually represents life of the minority NOT the majority. The majority of humans in this world live with much more pain, suffering, and discomfort. To my surprise, many are full of joy and life, despite the awful tragedies they have had to endure. I am amazed at this. I know that I am to enjoy today, enjoy what God has for me today. Lately, that is a whole lot.

Pregnancy Dream

Last week I dreamt I was suddenly about six months pregnant. Not sure how that happened but the weird part was that my belly was transparent and I could see my baby clearly. The remarkable part of the dream was the emotions I experienced. I was ecstatic. I was SO happy to learn of a baby growing inside that all I could do was hold my belly and smile and talk to my baby. I was so hopeful and happy but with an apparent tinge of worry that all would remain healthy and well until delivery. Then it occured to me that I only have a few months to decide where I would give birth and who would be my attendant.

I'm still holding out for this miracle someday while at the same time greatly anticipating the arrival of our adopted children. Recently I decided I would be like the persistent widow in the parable told by Jesus that illustrated to his disciples that they should always pray and not give up. In the story, a widow kept going to the house of a judge with a plea that he grant her justice against her adversary. The judge did not respect or honor God nor did he care what others thought so for a while he kept turning the widow away. Finally, only because the widow had become so bothersome the judge decided to give her what she asked for so that she would just leave him alone.

Jesus used this as an illustration to demonstrate that if an unjust judge grants justice why would God not bring justice to his chosen ones who cry out to him day and night? He will not keep putting them off. He will make sure they get what they ask for.

At the end of this parable Jesus says, "When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" Everytime I read this parable I felt this last line was out of place because I couldn't see how it applied to the story. However recently I realized that it must be there for a reason and so I feel I may have discovered why he said that. I realize that we demonstrate our faith in God when we ask him for things that seem impossible to us and to the world and culture in which we live. I believe he wants us to ask and to keep asking because it shows Him that we really believe Him; that we take him at his word; that we believe he not only can do what we ask but he actually wants to and will if we choose to trust him for it. As soon as we turn to other means and other ways, thereby putting our hope in other things, we are saying to God that we don't think he can or will do it.

So I've decided to continually cry out to God for this. Believing that he is able to do what he promised. Just like Abraham did: "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall our offspring be.' Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that Go had power to do what he had promised."

Seedlings

Vegetable gardening is a new adventure for me. A few weeks ago when A's parents were still here I finally planted some seeds that I'd been accumulating in hopes of starting a small herb garden including a few other plants. I planted seeds for dill, cilantro, oregano, basil, and thyme as well as cherry tomatoes, lettuce (a long shot), and a few mammoth sunflowers. That was round one. I got a few good tomato plants going and 3 nice sunflower sprouts. How exciting to see them pop up!

Since then, rats (or slugs) ate my sunflower sprouts. I was so disappointed. My tomato seedlings gained enough height and apparent strength that I transferred them to pots last Saturday. Then, we had a torrential down-pour of rain while I was at work and couldn't pull them under shelter. I came home to a few barely-hanging-on tomato plants. Again, very disappointed.

My herbs never came up so I sowed another set of seeds in new dirt and paid more attention to watering. After two weeks - again, nothing. So last Saturday I tried again. This time with dirt that's apparently more specific to starting seeds and I actually read the directions. I'm hoping something comes up this time! I really love the idea of walking outside to clip off some cilantro when I want make Mexican food. Or grab some fresh basil for Italian. I'll keep at it and see what happens. Another factor may be the rain and cloudiness lately. We're supposed to be at the beginning of the hot, dry season but it seems to be taking a little time to kick in. I'm thinking once it does, it will help my tomatoes thrive at least.

We've also been learning to compost. A's parents helped us get some compost started several weeks ago and for a while it was going great. Until... the rats got into it! They bit a hole right through the plastic basket it was in. Now we are in the process of reinforcing the plastic bin with thick, metal wire. We'll see how that goes. I really like this composting thing. The possibilities. The sudden value of used coffee grounds and garlic peels. The idea of all that nutrition being used for something and not going to waste.

In the last week or so I've been out in the yard every morning and every evening checking on my seedlings (that was when there was still some hope for my tomatoes). I mentioned to Andrey how I need to try to not get so invested in these plants so that when they fail I'm not so disappointed about it, but after noticing my level of daily concern I realized that that's not easy to do. I am really invested in these plants thriving. I really want them to succeed!

At church last Sunday there was a word from the Lord spoken that went something like this: "What I have planted I will watch over and nurture and protect. What I have planted I will cause to grow to completion. Like a gardener that tends to his crops..." This word impacted me because for the first time, I felt I could really relate to what a gardener or farmer must feel, tending to his/her crops.

I recalled how invested I felt in seeing my plants grow and how mindful I was each day to check on them. As I journaled about that I could so clearly sense the Lord's gentle and kind, loving care over me. I became aware of the many areas in which I tend to strive to please and perform - to please the expectations I set for myself and the perceived expectations from others and from God.

I was reminded that it is God who will bring His work in me to completion. Not me. Sure, there are things he's prepared for me to do but there is no need for striving, for trying hard to sprout up and grow out of my own strength. It was a merciful reminder to rest in God and to make room in my heart and life for Him to tend to me to way He sees fit. It's time (again) to not allow that ugly voice of the enemy in my mind to speak the old tune of, "you'll never measure up." I hate that voice. God has already made me aware of that voice and for years I've learned to stand against it. Every so often however, it creeps up and I don't realize I'm letting it in until I really start to feel its effects. Once again I am reminded to call out that lying voice when I first hear it, to call it out as false, and combat it with God's truth.

It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

And my FAVORITE verse:

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2

How important it is to walk out that which the Lord has already done in us. He's brought healing and freedom yet I must continue to be alert and not allow the enemy's accusations drag me down. We must walk out the freedom the Lord gives us. We must stand firm. I'm reminded of another great verse...

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

How many times do we let ourselves be burdened by that yoke of slavery that no longer belongs to us? It seems these things I learn and then I forget and then I have to learn them again. And then I forget again. How quickly I can begin to feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not good enough. Letting expectations and the associated guilt that are not from God rule over me. Graciously, Jesus, in His mercy gently reminds me of his grace - over and over again. I am so grateful for that. I am amazed at his goodness, his patience, his mercy and grace.