The Look of Hope

On Saturday I worked the day shift. The woman that I wrote about in the beginning of my last post came in for her daily lunch meal. I just have to share with you how different this woman looked! She came in smiling with bright eyes and said, "Good afternoon" to me and the others. Then she looked right at me and thanked me for the fruit I'd left for her the other day. Even her physical appearance was different. She looked clean and was wearing a colorful top, which may have been one of the nicest things she owns. (Many of our women put on their best clothes when they come to the clinic for care so when a woman comes looking like this one did last week, you know she's really destitute.) She looked rested and when I put my hand on her arm she didn't feel shaky. But the most significant thing was that the look of desperation I'd seen in her during our previous encounters was gone. On this day, hers was the look of a woman with hope, whereas before she wore an undeniable look of weary & hopeless desperation.

I learned that she has 4 living children. She's actually had 7 pregnancies including the current one. 2 of her previously-birthed babies died not long after birth for unknown reasons. She's only 27 years old. She has an elementary-level education.

I'm sure her situation hasn't changed much in the past week but what has changed is that she is now a woman experiencing love and care from others - in that, she has experienced the caring hand of Jesus. He is the cure for hopelessness.
"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Suffering & Grace

Yesterday a young pregnant woman who came into the clinic asking to see a nurse for a cut on her hand that was bruised and swelling. This is the same woman I wrote about in an earlier post who, with desperation in her eyes asked me if I wanted the baby growing inside of her. She is one of our patients at Glory Reborn and because of her situation, she is one of our "charity cases" which means someone is paying for the cost of her labs and medicines.
Like before, she came carrying her 9 month old child and also her 3 year old. She has a 10 year old as well who is not with her for some reason. Their clothes are dirty and tattered. They look pale and may have not been bathed in a few days. She thinks she is about 5 months pregnant and as far as we can tell, the child within her is much smaller than it should be.
As I was cleaning the wound on her hand I noticed she was shaking. I put my hand on her arm and asked her why she was so shaky. Did her hand hurt that bad? She responded, no. Had she eaten today, I asked. She responded, no. It was nearly noon.
We had just finished lunch and there was mung bean stew with chicken and rice left on the stove. I filled a large bowl and set it before her. She ate and also fed her 2 children. We told her to come everyday for lunch. I sent the guard to buy a bag of fruit. I cried on my way home in the taxi.
I felt such compassion for this woman. I couldn't help but think (especially since she is considering giving up her unborn child for adoption) that this woman represents the type of situation our future child/children may be born out of and it breaks my heart.

Each morning I enjoy watching CNN. The International Edition we get here in the Philippines is a great way to keep up with what is going on in the world. [On a side note, I was shocked when I watched CNN in the US recently at the lack of international news stories. Before we went to DC, I had been following the Zimbabwe elections (among other things) and was dismayed that there was no mention of it (nor the genocide in Darfur, nor the global food crisis) in the hours of CNN that I watched while sick with the flu. Are we that self-absorbed??] This morning in particular I'm finding it hard to watch without crying.

Also yesterday I read an extremely disturbing and tragic story of a man who's wife and 3 of 5 children were killed in a massacre by the Burma Army 6 years ago in Karen State, Burma. An FBR team (www.freeburmarangers.org) recently reconnected with this man and they learned that on Christmas Day, just 4 months ago this man was shot at by the Burma Army along with his 1 remaining son and nephew. The father escaped but his son and nephew were tortured, killed, and partially burned. I read about this man's grief as he cried over his son's remains.

At times like this when I feel the burdens of suffering around me and am unable to adequately articulate what is going on inside me, I am thankful for those who have articulated in song that which I am feeling...

"By Thy Mercy" by Alex Mejias & Ross Byrd, from the album High Street Hymns (http://www.discrevolt.com/groups/view/660)

Jesus Lord of life and glory
Bend from heaven thy gracious ear
While our waiting souls adore thee
Friend of helpless sinners here

By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord
By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord

From the dips of nature's blindness
From the hardening power of sin
From all malice and unkindness
From the pride that lurks within

When the world around is smiling
In the time of wealth and ease
Earthly joys our hearts beguiling
In the day of health and peace

In the solemn hour of dying
In the awful judgment day
May our souls on thee relying
Find thee still our rock and stake

By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord
By thy mercy, Oh deliver us
Good Lord, Good Lord

My prayer then becomes, Lord! Use me. I offer up myself. Show me what to do! and how... when... where... which... who?? Help!!! I can't fix it! It's too much. I examine myself. I am so weak and I fail. I am afraid and lack courage. Where has fear and love of comfort kept me from doing what you've asked me to? What is it that you're asking ME to do? That's all I'm responsible for, right? Have I messed up?

Then, as in direct response to my cries - the next song plays...

He ever loves us in our brokenness
Weeps for every grief we face
Intercedes for us without ceasing
And bids us to receive his grace

His love protects us through the dark night
Never leaves us in our pain
He shelters us in his presence
In weakness he perfects his strength

He ever loves us in our brokenness
In the cross he hides our shame
Forsaken by the Father
He died for us
He took our place
He died for us
He took our place

Recently I've become aware that when I'm in North America, the predominate undercurrent to my thoughts is, "I don't have enough. I must get more" but when I'm in the Philippines the thought that bombards me as I ride around in an air-conditioned taxi with my wallet full of cash, my stomach full, wearing fashionable sunglasses is, "I am so disgustingly rich. I have so much. I have too much and I'm embarrassed."

Going back to Asia & A Few Random Other Things

Whew the past 2.5 weeks have flown by and there is much to share. But as usual, I've not the time currently to do that. I will report the highlights very soon however. 

This evening we will begin the journey back to Asia. Friday, April 18 will not be experienced by us. We board on Thursday and will arrive on Saturday around noon. 

Some good news is that we got a Vonage account and when we get back to Cebu we will set it up. Soon, we will have a Seattle phone number, which I will gladly pass on ASAP. We're hoping that will help us keep in better touch with you and also make it easier to be reached by you. 

Also, you may have noticed that you don't have to sign in anymore to read our blog. Yeah, we dropped the "privacy" aspect in the hopes that it will make it easier for everyone to read more regularly without the need to remember passwords, usernames, etc... 

We realize that since I am the sole contributer to this blog, that there is not so much that needs to be kept confidential that comes from me. I figure, it is only those people who love us and care about what happens to us, that will waste their precious time in order to read my feeble attempts to be articulate as I process my thoughts and feelings.  If you fit in that category and want to keep up with the details of our day-to-day lives, then you should be free to do that - and at your own risk - of boredom or frustration by the sporatic nature of my entries. It is what it is. No sense in trying to be something I'm not (even though I do daydream of having much in-depth, dynamic and thought-provoking entries). Well there is room for growth. Till next time...

Safe Arrival in DC

This morning we arrived safely in DC. It's great to be here but it feels COLD! I think my tolerance to cold has decreased ever since leaving Seattle and especially after living in Asia for 4+ years. I do appreciate the cool, clean air though. And the cherry blossom trees and blooming dogwoods are amazing.
I'll be staying with good friends, Sean & Shannon until Monday when I travel to NY. Andrey will be at a retreat center for the next 10 with work-related stuff.
The trip went well. We had an 8 hour layover in Los Angeles so we took a bus to Santa Monica and walked along the pier and then had dinner nearby. It was great to get out for some fresh air and not stay in the airport the whole time.
Oh and my esophagus problem is nearly resolved. Thankfully, I didn't end up having to have an endoscopy. I had so many people praying for me b/c I really didn't have time to deal with that and so I really cried out to God to handle it for me. I was in a lot of pain but nothing was life-threatening so I decided to forgo the procedure. Miraculously, after 4 days with absolutely no improvement, I woke up Monday morning (the day before we were to leave for America) with a 90% reduction in pain. Hallelujah! I was so happy. I really appreciate being able to eat and swallow like normal now.

USA-Bound

We will begin our journey to Washington, DC today. We'll be in the US until April 17. Every year, we go to DC in April and each year we look forward to it. DC in the spring is really nice. While Andrey is busy with meetings, I will fly to upstate New York to visit a refugee friend of mine who resettled from the refugee camp on the Thai/Burma border to NY. What a change. She is a Karen woman who was our main Babies at Risk worker when I was working on that project in Thailand. it will be great to see her and her family, now living very differently.
I love getting on a plane to America! So fun.