Here's to More Progress, Nearly a Month In...

Today was a great Saturday. With Michella interacting with her Daddy nearly all day, today was the first day where I felt like we were a family and not just me and Michella with Andrey on the side.

Michella and Andrey played together just the two of them for a really long time this morning and I was able to get a few things done around the house. This time, it didn't seem to matter if I was around or not. She was so into playing with Andrey that I think she completely forgot about me. She still is not okay with Andrey holding her but given how much sustained interest she is showing in him these days, we believe that is just around the corner. Highlight of the day? This evening she leaned over and tenderly kissed him on the face spontaneously three times, with smiles and eye contact in between each kiss. Precious. So nice to have Daddy home all day!

  

Tonight we went to a place called Tops that overlooks the city before we had dinner. We got going a bit late and didn't get there till after dark but it was worth stopping by and attempting a few family photos despite the black nighttime background just to feel the air. It was quite windy and cool. Definitely the coolest I've felt since being in the U.S. last spring. 

It is safe to say I am falling in love with my daughter. There has been a surge of strong emotions for her over the past few days. We are amazed at the progress so far. It is stark when thinking back to our first week together. Monday is one month since she became our daughter. Here are a few photos from the past few days.

Her favorite kitchen activity while I cook dinner. This time, she stuck her head under the water a few times just for fun. This kid loves anything to do with water. She was soaking wet.

This is her asking me to turn the water back on. "Beee" (please). It didn't take her long after this to figure out how to turn the water on herself.

I added this photo just so you could see the adorable shorts and tee I bought for her in Manila. Oh my goodness she is the cutest thing ever.

  

I just bought a scale for the first time in ages so I can keep track of her growth. While I was getting ready in the bathroom, she donned this headband, picked up my make up bag and got on the scale. Oh my. Too cute.

I already knew our girl loved fried fish. What I didn't know is that she loves eating the fish head, too.

 

We received an unexpected gift in the mail yesterday. In addition to some adorable clothes, there was this beautiful quilt. Michella loved it. Thanks Sheri!

Michella and Andrey's first play time - video

Michella's Breakthrough with Daddy!!!

Something great and unexpected happened last night. Michella had fun playing with her Daddy! We bought a few bouncy rubber balls earlier that day. When Andrey came home I tried to get her to play with him and she was okay with it as long as I was holding her. Then we got the balls out and she just came alive! Who knew this would be the thing that would do the trick? And this morning, there was more of the same - with Michella initiating play with Andrey and even letting him throw her in the air a few times and hold her for a few moments! Yay yay yay!!! I nearly cried!!! Lucky for you I got a bit of it on video. (Well the video is taking forever to load right now and I need to get to bed so I'll settle for the few photos I have and will post that video asap - hopefully tomorrow morning)

And since I started this post, we had an even better night tonight. I am amazed. Michella and her Daddy were having so much fun throwing the balls around that she totally forgot about me! She pointed to the door, indicating to Andrey that she wanted to go outside, so they did and I hung back just to see what would happen. To my surprise, she didn't appear tentative or ever look back. This is HUGE! As she walked out the door with him I realized that this was the first time she'd ever been this far from me physically since we got her (4 weeks tomorrow, by the way). She was having so much fun. The sound of her continuous laughing is the best sound ever. For the first time since we got her, I was the one to clear the dinner table while Andrey played with Michella. When she wanted water to drink, it was Andrey she looked to. He responded and she accepted. We are hoping and praying this is the start of a new norm. Hooray for another breakthrough!! Thank you for praying specifically for this, friends! We believe this is a direct answer to all of your (and our) prayers.

Back in Cebu - This week's progress

We returned from Manila on Friday evening. We've had a full and fun weekend. I sat down to write some of the positive things we've observed over the past week and am amazed at how much there is to report and be thankful for. 

• I exercised for the first time in a month during Michella's nap time today. I've never been so excited to exercise. It felt great and am happy that my month off didn't make me too weak for my Jillian Michaels' workout. I was surprised at how finding time for a 20 minute workout felt like a huge feat, which made it feel that much greater that I accomplished it.

• We've got the grandparents lined up. Andrey's parents booked tickets to come see us end of next month. They'll be here just before American Thanksgiving till just before Christmas. And my Mom booked her ticket to come in February. Yay!

• Michella continues to warm up to Andrey in small ways. She had a few playful interactions with him over the past few days. She has even sought his attention on a few occasions. She'd look at him till he'd look at her. She'd smile, then hide her face in my chest, only to do it again. She seems fine with this as long as it's from a distance. Today at a friend's birthday party she watched Andrey closely as he played with another child around her age. I can't wait till she starts claiming him as her daddy!

• I discovered an activity that occupied Michella for nearly an hour while I cooked dinner tonight. Sounds like such a simple thing but for her to be occupied this long and me completely hands-free was really something special. Thanks to a newsletter we are receiving called Growing Child gifted to us from Andrey's parents, I got the tip that 2-year-olds really enjoy and learn a lot from time spent pouring water and sand (not together). I pulled a chair up to the sink, gave her several different containers, turned the water on to a dribble (and periodically turned it off so as to not waste as much water. I know I'm a water-waster but dinner-making without a 2-year-old on my hip is necessary for our survival as a family and my sanity), and let her at it. She had a blast!

• We attended two birthday parties for friends' kids this weekend and after taking some time to warm up, and as long as there weren't any adults trying to interact with her, Michella played with (or next to) some of the other kids and had fun.

• Andrey and I watched a TV show together in bed after Ella went to sleep the other night for the first time. Flight of the Concords. Laughed out loud. This felt significant to get to hang out with Andrey, enjoy something together and laugh. Feels like a little bit of normal life (our new normal) is setting in.

• Michella and I have seen a real improvement in the sleep department. She has had regular nap times and bed times (I hold her against her will till she falls asleep, which she always does). At night we have gone from screaming fits, to wimpering, to fake crying - to three nights in a row with none of the above, just a little playfulness to try to distract mommy from the bed time routine, which is really, really cute and difficult to ignore. I usually give in for a few short bits of giggling (as she tries to tickle me and put her fingers up my nose to get me to laugh) before I close my eyes and act like I'm sleeping. Eventually she gives up and goes right to sleep. We still have a few wake up times in the night but I'm getting used to that and now know how to handle them without it being too stressful for either of us. Hallelujah!

• Both Andrey and I have noticed an increase in Michella's overall level of happiness.

• Michella's cold (snot river) is finally gone!

• Almost all lice are gone - I sacrificed mommy-time (nap time) for a few days and spent the time manually picking nits out of her hair. She certainly wouldn't allow this during any waking hour. That, combined with a few vinegar washes, tea tree oil in our shampoo, conditioner and combing with a substandard comb seem to be doing something. I'm not sure which one thing is effective or if it's a combination of things. Now I have to look for a while to find nits in her hair and I still can't find any in mine.

• Ella used her big girl chair a few times for eating. It was so nice for me to get to see her face while she eats and is a welcome break from the usual. She's still sitting on my lap for most meals but is willing to use this chair usually about once a day for either a meal or a snack. It's more fun interacting with her this way while she's eating and it's better for eye contact but I don't mind her sitting on my lap till she gets more comfortable with eating this way. 

• Our helper brought her five-year-old son to work one day last week and Ella smiled and played with him a little bit. This is the first time we've seen her warm up to anyone else besides me or the cats.

• Ella continues to talk more, especially to me and she is beginning to talk to me even with Andrey in the room, whereas she used to never say a word if he was near. I learned that when she says "Bee" she means, "Please." And when she says "two," she means "thank you." I've also noticed her counting one-two-three sometimes. Although she skips one and says "do...free"

• Ella loves to travel! She did not seem anxious at all about getting on an airplane to and from Manila. During any and all taxi rides she's sits up straight and observes whatever she can and looks on with curiosity. She particularly likes men on motorbikes although we have no idea why. She has smiled and waived at a few in traffic. Andrey feels slighted when this happens. :-(

• Ella appears to be really comfortable in her home. Coming back from Manila it was great to see her obvious joy in being back at home. She often says, "Yay!" when we arrive home or when we go into a room she likes. 

• One funny thing is that Ella loves to go to the public restroom and usually always converts from a shy and silent girl on my hip to an energetic girl as soon as we go into the stall together and I close the door. She says "Yay!" and proceeds with smiles and unintelligible chatter. She loves pushing the button or pulling the lever to flush if she can and really gets a kick out of watching the water (and other stuff) go down the toilet. It is likely she did not have automatic flush toilets at the children's home but a bucket of water for flushing. Not as fun, I guess. I think because it is an enclosed space with just me she knows she can be herself. I figure this is the 'self' that must be waiting to burst out but isn't comfortable while we are in a public place, and that's why it bubbles forth so quickly while in the CR with just Mommy.

• In our three+ weeks together, we've discovered some of the foods Ella enjoys (favorites in caps): So far... RICE, bread, oatmeal, corn flakes, WHOLE WHEAT CRACKERS, soba noodles, spaghetti, pineapple, apples, mangoes, BANANAS, papaya, pumpkin (sometimes), malunggay (local green leafy veg), MILK, mango yogurt, any cured pork product, CHICKEN, fried FISH, eggs, tofu, miso soup, any kind of soup broth, CASHEWS, chili (she especially enjoyed the kidney beans and black beans), and anything with chocolate. She is so fun to watch eat! I hope to slowly increase her repertoire of acceptable vegetables, which is the food group she is the least interested in. Exposure exposure exposure is my tactic. She rejected carrots three times before she ate them and seemed to enjoy?tolerate? them tonight. :-)

So here are some of the best photos I have from the past week. And a video. I just think our daughter is the cutest thing ever! I can say that because I can't take any credit for her good looks. ;-)

With a pair of Daddy's underwear

Singing

Checking out Manila

This girl LOVES any and all electronics - cell phones, remotes, ipod, camera...

With the air con remote and her new friend, Percy the Penguin

With Mommy's cell phone, and notice our matching bracelets, made for us by a co-worker of Andrey

On the move... I got so many photos that day because I thought she looked so adorable in this dress. It has apples on it.

Busy girl - on the phone and taking care of "baby"

Showing me her "baby"

She loves to climb our stairs and no she doesn't want any help! There is something about that look in her eye that tells me I need to keep an eye on her.

Hopefully soon we'll have some photos of her with her Daddy!

Manila Trip - Citizenship Paperwork Filed

We had our appointment yesterday at the U.S. Embassy and it went really well. Yay! Now her citizenship/visa paperwork is filed and the outcome looks very favorable. We also met with our social worker and she was so excited to meet Michella. She even teared up telling me about when she first saw her photo and saw how beautiful she is. We scheduled our post-placement home studies tentatively for November, January and end Feb/early March. We are required to have three in the six months following placement. Once we complete this, we will get the final papers from the adoption board that will allow us to finalize her adoption in the U.S.

We will finalize in Alabama where my parents live. We learned recently that we will have to go through a bit of a home study process there as well. Not sure how long we'll have to be there but we are making early April the target for travel to the U.S. We should have her visa ready to go early next year. It will be so great if we can be at the annual prayer gathering of the organization Andrey works for. This is a highlight for us each year. We are super excited that it is looking likely that we will be able to go. Andrey has to be in DC in early April regardless so of course it is ideal if Ella and I can join.

We have been enjoying Manila. Ella and I have been hanging out a lot while Andrey works. She continues to appear more and more comfortable with life in general, especially with me. She continues to move in the direction of warming up to Andrey. Our social worker said that it was the same with other families she's worked with and it took about 3 or so months for the child to attach to their daddy. We can deal with that.

Ella and I did a little shopping yesterday and I was so excited to find a Gap. I bought her her first pair of jeans and a really cute 3/4 length sleeve top. I figure we'll need at least one outfit she can wear to arrive in the US in the spring time. And then I found this adorable little shop called Gingersnaps. I did not prepare myself for the strong desire to buy stuff for her! I have done very little shopping for Ella so far - only 2 pair of short and 2 t-shirts - so I decided to get her a few things. Mainly a few casual shorts and t-shirts for day outings. These will be some nice hand-me-downs for Ella's cousin Annika someday. Even though she is tall for her age, the 2T stuff I've bought is too big! Even the 24 months shirts I bought are a little big. The jeans I bought were sized 18-24 months and they are really big. I love how clothes for this age come with adjustable waists so she can wear stuff big and grow into them. These jeans should last for years given how baggy and long they are on her. She's tall but very petite. I hope to fatten her up a little. ;-)

We are heading back to Cebu this afternoon. Gotta get going. It's time for lunch.

Into our Third Week Together...

The lice fight rages on! I can tell you that most treatment advice on the web does not factor in a 2-year-old! "Cover hair with such-n-such , leave on for x number of hours, comb through hair with a nit comb 1 inch at a time, be thorough, even if it takes hours." Hours?? I can barely get her to sit still for 10 seconds! Ha ha! We're doing our best. Today it was vinegar wash and combing. I got further than I thought. Oh the joy! I bought a good nit comb today off of ebay. Only 13-23 days till it's here! That will be my back up plan if all this other stuff doesn't work. The only comb I can find here is not fine enough to get the nits out. Ugh. Lice sucks. Or shall I say louse sucks. Lice suck. That's more correct.

We're going to Manila tomorrow morning till Friday. We will file Michella's visa and citizenship paperwork at the U.S. Embassy. That will only actually take 1/2 a day but Andrey has a couple days of work to get done in Manila so we are combining the two. Works out great since he would be in a hotel for a few nights and it's no extra cost for the two of us to join him. Then we spend less time apart. It's a win-win.

Tonight's post will be short so I can get some zzz's before our early morning departure. Not too much to share except that Michella continues to warm up to her surroundings and new family. She even seems more and more tolerable of her daddy's hugs and kisses. He hasn't been holding back his affection for her as much, often embracing her and kissing her while she's in my arms and even a few times when she's not. He even picked her up for a few seconds to hug her before he left for work yesterday afternoon and she didn't protest! But when he came home a few hours later and did the same thing, she really cried. I am always right next to her when he does this so she can quickly come into my arms.

She has done more playing near Andrey and has even opened up enough around him so he's been able to observe some of her playfulness and laughter up close. This evening after he tried to initiate play with her (during which she had flat affect), she gave a quick little laugh in his direction as he was walking away. Today when she and I were playing alone together she picked up a photo of me and Andrey, pointed to Andrey and looked at me so I said, "That's Daddy!" Then she kissed his face on the photo. When he leaves for work she looks concerned. It must be so scary for her to try to open up to another adult. It is ever so slight and subtle but we are calling it progress nonetheless.

We are continually praying for wisdom as to how to best go about fostering her relationship with her father. We want to be patient and let her initiate it when she's ready yet we are aware that she may not get there without a little help/challenge. It's a tough balance to strike.

Oh yeah, so yes, Andrey went back to work this week. Well, sort-of. He was off for two weeks and started back part-time the past two days going into the office only in the afternoons. I fully expected that he'd be back full-time as of yesterday so his decision to take as many half days off as possible over the next few weeks is much appreciated and welcomed. What a guy. I had freaked out about these days well before we ever heard of Michella and wondered (panicked) at the thought of being on my own with a child I was just getting to know, but you know, it hasn't been too bad! To be honest, in some ways it's a bit helpful to have him out of the house for short times as Michella is much less clingy to me and will really explore her environment (and my arms get a break). That means I am able to get a few things done and even cook without having to put her on the counter right next to me. Speaking of that, can't do that anymore. She really got into playing with something on the counter the other night while I was cooking and fell off. Poor thing. She really wailed but she was fine. She's a tough cookie.

I feel like I am getting the hang of this a bit. We are developing a routine and I'm getting used to it, too. We are feeling like we are ready for more social interactions so we'll be having more playdates soon and a few outings with friends. Had a swimming date planned for this morning but it fell through due to the weather. We went to Sunday worship for the first time this past weekend and it went really well - better than I expected. She spent a lot of time looking around and taking it all in. She only had to bury her head into me afterward when a swarm of people suddenly made her the center of attention. I don't blame her, nor them. But even that she handled better than expected, lifting her head occasionally to watch some of the kids around us.

This girl is amazing!!

We are currently thinking about the middle name we will give her. Michella ________ Sawchenko. We are beginning to call her by her nickname sometimes; Ella. We are liking the sound of it so far but I don't want to stop calling her Michella either so I will continue to use both for now. I have grown to love that name. I've never met another Michella. That name is special. 

Tonight I feel joy and and a sense of satisfaction. This is what I dreamed of for so long. Here I am. Doing it. I was so stunned in the first weeks home that I couldn't say it then but I think I'm ready to say now that I'm enjoying this being-a-mommy thing. I love her. She is worth all the hard work. 

I have a few photos and short video on our camera from the past few days that I'll upload if I get time in the next few days. So this is it for now. Good night.

Two Weeks Home

It's been two weeks since we've been home with Michella. It's amazing to look back at where we started and compare it to where we are now. Today was the first time I thought to myself, "I love being a mom." I was making champorado for Michella's afternoon snack and she was sitting on the counter next to me making funny faces and cracking me up. I just felt joy in making her a special treat I knew she'd love. I got more kisses today and my first high-five. 

Contrast this to Andrey's experience. Man, it is slow-going. I feel for him that she is a completely different person when he is around. Sometimes it's as stark as her suddenly making funny faces to me as soon as her back is to him. Turn her right around and she gives him the stink-eye. So not fair. We are choosing to focus on the tiny bits of progress in this area, however. In her better moments, he can get quite close to her and she reacts less negatively. He's been persistent in kissing her head or cheek when I am holding her. She is tolerating this now. I've even left her with him a few times for about a minute or two and there has been less crying but still head down and no willing interaction whatsoever. He still hasn't yet had the joy of holding her. This makes me ache for him. How long, I wonder!?

She has continued to become more vocal, even with Andrey in the same room. And I think she likes music and possibly singing as she's been doing a bit of that lately and moves to the rhythm of music that is playing sometimes. It's extremely cute. 

It's way too early to tell but sleep has improved in the past day and a half (thank you Jesus!). Two nights ago I hit a major low point when she had me up till 5 in the morning after the three or more nights previous were very restless and short as well. I was at the end of my rope because the only thing that kept her from having a tantrum was me holding her while I was standing. I'd get her to sleep and gingerly extract her, only for her to sleep lightly or wake appearing anxious or scared and every time she woke and found that I was no longer holding her, she lashed out in anger until I would pick her up. If I stayed lying down and pulled her to rest on top of me, it was no good. If I stayed in bed holding her while leaning on pillows, it was no good. If I sat up and physically supported her body it was okay but as soon as I put a pillow under her so my arms could rest, she'd lash out. All I could do was get up and hold her. 

On the fourth night of this I did all I could. I held her till my arms and back were exhausted and when she still wouldn't let me put her down to sleep I lost it. I started crying and praying, "Help me Lord. Help me Lord. Help me Lord!" My whimper turned into an all out sob from shear exhaustion. It woke Andrey up and he supported me and prayed for me. It was clear that I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. We decided that I would find a position I could stay in and let her figure it out. She protested, kicking and crying and eventually screaming. I just held onto her (I had to because she would literally throw herself off the bed if I didn't) and told her, "Mommy's here. Daddy's here. We're not going to leave you. We will be with you all night. I know that you are mad but you need to sleep. It's okay if you are angry. It's okay if you are sad. It's okay if you cry. We love you." I just kept repeating this and found strength from Andrey who stayed awake with me and stayed next to me till she eventually gave up and fell asleep. 

Although it was really, really hard, I think letting her get those feelings out was very helpful. I really believe that the latest sleep issues are indicative of her grief and setting that boundary helped her to face her feelings and express them. Since then, I have done the same thing last night, during nap time today and bed time tonight and each time, she slept great! She napped for two hours today without being on me for the first time in a week. Wahoo! No obvious anxiety or disturbing dreams. And each time, she cries and fights me for less and less time. She was much happier all day today. 

Michella still has this cold and slight cough but at least there is no more fever. It was pretty high for a couple of days last week but is gone now.  I'll be so glad when this running nose gets better! We call it the snot river. We took her for a check up the other day and we both really like our pediatrician.

Well that's enough update for tonight. Here are photos from the past two days. 

My temporary solution to the teeth-brushing issue. Let her do it herself. She's not half-bad actually and is clearly quite proud of herself! The other day I let her brush my teeth then I said, "mommy's turn" and she let me brush her for about 3 seconds before cutting me off. This was progress. We pick our battles and this is definitely one to tackle later.

I really like these diaper covers. Thirsties. I'm getting better at diaper changes. As others have advised me - distraction is key and it usually works. I've just had to get better about doing it while she is in the middle of playing with something. Oh the new skills I am developing!

We went swimming today for the first time today and Michella LOVED it! We were so pleased. She is doing some kicking here. Andrey got some great video as well.

I started getting her to jump to mommy from our kitchen counter or our bedroom dresser a few times, which she loves, so of course it works in the pool, too.

Andrey demonstrated how to blow bubbles in the water and she just went for it and had fun.

Beautiful girl

She is becoming more comfortable with the camera and has started posing without any prompting from me. Here she is enjoying her favorite snack - whole wheat crackers plus a little something I introduced to her: Nutella. This girl loves chocolate. She is such a ham!

I love this picture. She is so cute I could just eat her up! Check out her half mustache.