Sweet words and the beginning of our girl processing her story

I just have to write this stuff down!

The past few days Ella has been telling me the sweetest things. They are almost too sweet to be true and I find myself wondering if she is just joking.  It goes something like this...

She gets her face right up close to mine, holds my head in her hands, looks me in the eyes and says, "Mommy, God made you so special to me," and then gives me a big hug.

Today she went a bit further and said, "God made you sooo special to me Mommy, and God made you so beautiful to me."

Are you kidding me? Does it get any sweeter than this?

Lately we've been talking more about her past, the history I know of hers. I've talked about it regularly over the past year or so but she is asking questions and interacting with me more about it so we end up talking about it more these days. I like to share what I know with her because it is her story and I want her to know it from the beginning so she can ask questions as they come up and feel comfortable discussing them with me anytime. Usually she just repeats what she hears from me and says things like, "When I was a baby I was chubby and had chubby lips. Remember that mommy?" This comes from me showing her the few newborn pictures I have of her. I do know she weighed 8 1/2 pounds at birth (chubby for here) and in her baby photos her beautiful, plump lips are so obvious, just like they are now. Love those beautiful full lips. So I say something like, "Yeah honey I remember that about you from the photos I have but we didn't know each other yet then." I go on to talk about who cared for her when she was a baby and who else was involved in taking care of her until we met her when she was two years old. I tell her about the first time we saw her and what that was like. I tell her about saying goodbye to some of the house mommas from the children's home at the airport that day we took her with us to Cebu, and how they cried.

Well last night as she was reiterating this story back to me, she asked me why those ladies were crying. I told her how they were sad because they really loved her and were gonna miss her. And she said, "I was sad too." I asked her why and she told me that she wanted to stay in that place. This was the first time she has shared anything about her experience of the transition to our family. I told her how sorry I was that we took her away when she didn't want to leave and acknowledge that that must have been very difficult for her since she didn't really know us. Then I asked her, "How do you feel now that you're here with us?" She replied, "I'm happy here."

Ella's First Day of School

I know it's strange to be starting school in November but let me explain.  The school year here starts in June and ends in March.  When I looked into putting Ella in preschool at the beginning of the current school year, I was disappointed that I wasn't able to find anything that was only a couple days a week. I did find a school I really liked but it was five days a week and I was just not ready to have Ella away from home that much to start out. I really wanted to transition her gently into something that would expose her to school and get her used to the idea of being part of a class without it being full-on school yet. She wasn't even quite four at the time so I figured school at this point wasn't totally essential, especially if I was intentional about our time together at home and getting her lots of opportunities for social time. Those things so far haven't been a problem.

What I decided was to do an experiment with a little preschool at home. Things just came together so well when I started looking into it. Ella has made some friends in our church congregation over the past year or so. She has really gained confidence socially and the fact that at age four she is more developmentally geared toward interacting with other kids really helps her readiness for this. It's so different from the 2-3.5 year old stage of independent play alongside other kids. So these particular few of Ella's friends are all within just a few months apart. They had no plans for preschool and seemed to also be very ready for something outside the home for a few hours a week (not to mention their mommas!).

We are doing a second semester of the 2012-2013 school year (November to March). I hired a teacher who is a friend in our congregation. I utilized the wisdom and experience of another dear friend Ellen, who was a preschool teacher in Hong Kong for years and is a wealth of knowledge. She has lots of resources she has been willing to share with me as I searched for curriculum to use.

I am using a Montessori at Home curriculum with some other stuff thrown in. It's been really fun learning about the Montessori philosophy and how great it is at nurturing a child's innate ability to learn through play. I also got Before Five in a Row, a literature-based preschool curriculum that I may try out a bit at some point. 

Our class is Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1:00 till 3:30 pm. Each of the moms are rotating assisting at each class and bringing snacks.

Today went GREAT! I was SO delighted to see Ella enjoying herself so much. She was eager and interested and participated fully. All five of the children seemed to have a great time. Here are a few shots of our playroom turned classroom and the new students.

Teacher Cherry Ann

Snack time!

Family Update

It's about time I give an update on how we are doing, but most of this is about our girl. Ella will be four later this month!  We'll be in the US and Canada with family (we leave in 6 days) and it will great to celebrate together there.  It's our annual furlough when we get a month to travel around North America. We'll be splitting our time between Colorado, North Carolina, Alabama and Halifax, Nova Scotia. Andrey has additional work-related travel to Washington, D.C., Dallas, and Seattle.

These days just seem to be going by fast.  It's been a busy season and I can barely keep up on some things I used to do often, like blogging.  I find myself splitting my time between bringing Ella along in whatever I'm doing in the community and spending focused time with her doing fun things she enjoys.  We may go to play area in the mall or the pool or a play date or baking together at home.  She is such a trooper and doesn't seem to mind joining me on most things I do, although I can occasionally leave her with someone.

In general she is doing great.  She frustrates and delights me every day.  I guess that's the way it is with kids.  It's hard to keep up with all the new things she is doing/into because she is always changing.  I guess that's how things go when you have a healthy, growing child.  I'm so thankful that she's thriving and loving life. 

I am planning a small home school pre-school for her in our home November to March.  I will hire a teacher for two afternoons a week and one of the three moms of the four, four-year-olds will rotate so one of us is here to assist at each class.  I just have to find the right curriculum.  I think this will be a great intro to school for Ella.  Depending on how it goes, we will either continue to home school next year or I will put her in kindergarten in a school I checked out last year and really like. I had considered putting her in pre-school there last year but wasn't ready to put her in 5 days a week.

Ella treasures her time with Daddy more than ever.  This includes a morning walk, evening play time during the week and swimming on the weekends.  She just loves her time with him and can really get thrown off emotionally if she misses out on any of it. 

Heading out for a morning walk

We have seen a real increase in her confidence lately.  She doesn't mind the camera like before and even poses sometimes!  She plays more with other kids and has lots of friends.  One time during a visit to Ana Mae's neighborhood all the local kids were play in a separate room of a bamboo hut.  She really wanted to go in but looked to me for permission to join them. When I encouraged her to join them she flung the curtain dividing the two rooms open and announced to the kids, "Hey guys! I'm here!"

Photo shoot in the garden!

With a good friend, V

 

 

 

Ella amazes us at her fearlessness when it comes to animals.  We recently took in a grasshopper from our garden and managed to keep it alive for about a day, even after Ella tore off one of his legs. She let "Hoppy" crawl all over her.

Ella loves playing with "Ate Rau Rau."  Raulyn is a good friend and watches Ella about once a week. 

 The other day, Ella and I brought a young mom and her baby to the pediatrician for a check up. Ella said sincerely, "Baby going for ketchup?"

Ella is quite amazing at pretending these days. Here she is as an adorable little doctor.

I'm still exercising regularly! I'm not sure what's gotten into me, I can't ever remember a time when I was this consistent.  I've been working out at home with Jillian Michaels five days a week since the end of May and I'm loving it!  I'm getting stronger, I've lost a few inches and pounds and I'm feeling great.  Sometimes when I'm just hanging around doing nothing in the evenings I have a strong urge to get into a plank or do some push ups.  Weird.

Not much is new with Andrey except that he is busier than ever with work. Somehow he still manages to be totally present with us for family time and doesn't let the stress of work get to him too much.  (If I were him I would be one big stress ball and NO fun to be around).  He travels regularly but it's usually for just a few nights at a time which is quite manageable for us.  He is amazing and wonderful and we still get out almost every week for a date night.

To wrap this up, I'll add a few recent photos.

Mud at the beach during low tide (definitely a father-daughter activity!)

Have to watch this girl with the sugar packets!

Still dominates Gerald

Birth Videos and Dreams of More Children

My daughter loves to watch birth videos. Yes, I show her birth videos and you may think that's strange but it happened quite naturally, if you factor in me being a midwife.  Ella does come with me when I do prenatal check ups and she is always there beside me touching the pregnant belly and playing with my fetoscope.  She often prays for babies in the womb with me.  One day I thought I'd show her a water birth video. She was so interested and at one point said, "This is awesome!" We watched them regularly then things began to back-fire.  Ella started to verbalize what she was learning. In the grocery store. In a loud voice... "Babies come out woman's vagina!... Mans don't have babies, only womans! Giving birth is hard work!"

One of the best things is when I'm exercising and sweating and grunting from the Jillian Michaels-inflicted pain in my quads and Ella does for me what she observed in birth videos - wipes my forehead with a cloth, brings me water saying, "I know, Ella help you!"

Then things started getting annoying.  Anytime we are in a shallow pool, she wants to act out a water birth.  She'll say, "I know! Ella catch your baby out!"  Sometimes she mixes up the words push and pull, which is hilarious.  We have taken a break from birth videos for a while, as I got really tired of pretending to have a baby all the time and her asking me constantly to watch another birth video. Seriously! The girl was becoming obsessed!

There was one side effect for me.  I watched so many natural birth videos there for a while that I became especially committed to the idea of having a home water birth, when my time comes! Not sure I could try it another way!

Some of the birth videos have older siblings at the birth and I fantasize about having Ella present when I'm in labor someday.  I really, really want to have a baby someday.

I'll update you on that topic. I mentioned a few months back that we might adopt again. Well, (in my best Southern accent) that just ain't goin to happen!  It's disappointing and relieving all at the same time.  Disappointing because while I hope for a biological child, I also hope for more adopted children.  I really love the idea of having two Filipino children but as of now, that doesn't look likely.  Long story short, on paper we seemed eligible to adopted domestically from the Philippines because we've lived here for 5 years but in reality we are unable to obtain some of the requirements to prove we are residents.  It took us months of research to learn that it's just not going to work.  Every door we pushed on didn't open.  Our research began to wane when an immigration officer, after he told me there was no way to get the document we needed, laughed at me and said, "What? You can't produce!?" I left his office crying.  That was my low point.

Relieving because we don't have to go through a process that is way too complicated than it needs to be, especially for Americans for some reason, and we don't have to put ourselves at the mercy of an unpredictable court system after we receive a child, and I won't have to be grounded, not able to travel outside the country during the process.  Honestly, the process we went through for the inter-country process was way simpler, not simple but simpler, and standardized.  Even attempting this domestic adoption process was a massive headache. Getting information was SO difficult. Oh the relief!

So for now, we are (still) hoping and praying for a miracle pregnancy.  I believe it will happen, I just don't know when.  I have recently been encouraged by a few things.  The timing of me hearing these things is all God, if you ask me.

We recently were with a friend during Sunday morning worship and we were encouraged to pair up and pray for each other for what we deeply desired to see/receive from the Lord.  Me and Andrey paired up with our friend who was with us, a British guy volunteering in Cebu for a while.  Naturally, Andrey and I shared our desire for a baby.  This guy got so excited and then told us his family's story.  His parents tried for 16 years to have children.  At one point they had received a prophesy that they'd have a son.  Soon after they were pregnant with a girl.  A few years later they had a son, our friend who prayed with fervor for us to experience a similar miracle.  Yes!

A week later I was at the chiropractor having an adjustment.  We casually chatted about nothing on this topic when he told me that his receptionist's sister was told she could never have children but became pregnant at age 45.  Apparently she just learned she is pregnant again!  At age 48!

So I did a little internet research and found records of lots and lots of woman in their 40s and 50s having babies, many of them their first.

Not that I plan on waiting that long, it does help expand my understanding of what is possible. I may be 37 but I still have lots of time!  I will not dwell on my age. I will dwell on what I know is possible.

It's a good thing I'm getting so fit - because after all, "giving birth is hard work!"  I will be ready!

Ana Mae, No More Pain

There is just no easy way to put this.  Ana Mae went to be with Jesus today.  I was with her and her family when she passed from this life to a much better one this afternoon.  She had declined rapidly since I saw her yesterday.  Yesterday she was in pain, similar to the pain she's been experiencing for months, but she could move her limbs and even sat up to drink water to take medicine.  I honestly thought she had months left and I had planned to figure out the best way to care for her over the next while.  When I arrived this afternoon (we had planned to bring her to hospital) she was paralyzed, eyes rolling in the back of her head with labored breathing.  The family decided to keep her at home. 

My good friend Tabitha joined me today.  We anointed Ana Mae with oil and prayed.  We worshiped.  We invited God's presence and peace and rejected fear.  Ana Mae tried to speak at one point but wasn't able to.  I could see her trying to focus her eyes on me and the others around her.  I just held her hand and we told her how well she had done, how brave she is and how Jesus is here and she is safe.  We prayed with her family to surrender her to the will of God.  We began to take communion together when her breathing became very slow and each breath became a gasp.  Then she sighed with a slight grin on her face and was gone.  She was surrounded by her grandmother, parents, sisters, aunties, classmate and cousins.

About ten minutes before her last breath a verse from Romans popped into my head and I felt the Lord was saying that he was going to bring good out of this, for this family and for this community.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

I really did not expect this to happen and so soon.  I had hoped for healing till the end, but despite my lack of understanding about why and how this happened, I saw God's grace in this - the timing and quickness of it.  There is some comfort in knowing that her suffering is done and did not drag on for months. 

We hope in the Lord not because we are sure we will get what we want.  We hope in the Lord because he is good, faithful, powerful and loving. 

Thank you for caring for Ana Mae from near and far, for praying and for sending money.  It is nice to know the family does not have to stress about money right now on top of their great loss.

Ana Mae's MRI result

I've been dreading writing this post for the past two days.  We got news of Ana Mae's MRI result on Saturday.  It's about as bad as it can be.  Cancer in her brain.  Cancer in her spinal cord.  Cancer all over her liver.  I hate cancer!

Doctor says he believes the progression of the disease went like this:  From the nose to the brain, across the blood-brain barrier to the spine and then to the rest of her body.  There is narrowing of her spinal cord and a compression fracture in her thoracic spine. This explains the pain in her back and her difficulty walking.

At this point further treatment would be palliative only, or treatment can be abandoned and supportive care can be given.  Ana Mae and family will meet with the doctor tomorrow to discuss these options.

I honestly did not expect this.  It is quite a shocker for me as I know it is for Ana Mae and her family.  As tempting as it is, we must not give up hope.  It is not up to the doctor to decide how long Ana Mae will live.  Until the Lord tells me something different, we will continue to pray for complete and miraculous healing.  I am not willing to accept that this is God's will for Ana Mae.  We will press in and pray intensively over the next weeks.  Please join us in asking for revelation, wisdom and breakthrough as we pray.  Let us not be discouraged but ramp up our prayers and exercise the authority afforded to us by Jesus' death and resurrection to overcome the power of the enemy.

As you pray if you get any insight or words of encouragement, please send them along.

Ana Mae - Treatment Resumed

Here's the latest on Ana Mae:

She was discharged from hospital on Friday. She was admitted for the day at a different private hospital on Saturday so that we could access their blood bank and she could receive the blood transfusion. Everything went well with that. She seemed to be feeling better so her doctor resumed her treatment.

I saw her this morning at the cancer center where she received radiation and chemo today. Tomorrow should be the last radiation in this round and next Tuesday will be the last chemo. We have just enough money to cover the remaining treatment after paying for the hospital admission and blood transfusion last week. We always seem to have just enough, for which we are very thankful for.

Ana Mae still complains of weakness and pain in her legs and lower back. The x-ray she had last week did not show any structural damage from the fall she had a while back.  The doctor says we need to rule out anything affecting her spinal cord and gave us a request for an MRI to be done next week.  She will also need another CAT scan next month to check the effect of her treatment on the cancer.  We're not sure yet where the money for this will come from but we are trusting God for it. He has provided everything up to this point so I'm not going to worry about it.

Thank you for your help on behalf of Ana Mae.  Please keep praying with us for complete and miraculous healing and for the on-going cost of her medical care.

Quick Ana Mae Update

You're prayers have helped. Ana Mae is feeling much better.  The results of the tests that were done came back normal except for her low blood counts. The doctor said she could go home later today if the blood transfusion went well but we were not able to find blood in her type.  I drove around most of the morning and went to four blood banks but no one had type A+ or was willing to share it with us. I learned that the private hospitals prioritize the blood for their patients only, so since they didn't have any "extra" and because Ana Mae is in a different hospital (which has no blood bank), we couldn't get it from the private hospitals I went to.  So we brought 3 healthy-looking males with type A+ blood to the hospital this afternoon for screening as potential donors and all three failed the hemoglobin test.  Darn.

So as of now, we just need blood. If we can't find more potential donors in the morning we will see about getting her transferred to a hospital with it's own blood bank so we can access the blood there. After the transfusion she can be discharged. The plan is to see how she does at home for about a week and during that time the doctor will decide how urgent or necessary it is to have her get an MRI in order to see if there has been any metastasis to the spine or brain. More time for us to pray!

Urgent Prayers Needed for Ana Mae

I saw Ana Mae yesterday at the cancer center after her 33rd radiation treatment. As of then she only had 2 more radiation treatments and 2 chemo treatments left in this course. She was supposed to have her weekly chemo after the radiation session but begged the doctor to let her do it the next day instead. She was very upset and crying and clearly very agitated and uncomfortable. She had recently developed a nagging cough.  Her skin on her face and neck is burned and her mouth is full of ulcers, which are side effects of radiation therapy. She has reason to complain. The doctor agreed to let her postpone the chemo till today.

The plan was for her to come back this morning for her second to last radiation treatment and her second to last chemo treatment. A few of us from our congregation were going to visit by the time she got back later this morning. When we arrived Ana Mae's family told us that she refused to go for treatment today.

We went inside and saw her lying down, clearly very weak, in a lot of pain and emotionally distressed. Her mother told me that she hasn't eaten much since yesterday. Ana Mae told me through tears that she couldn't sleep last night, that she has pain in her back and legs and is unable to walk. She still has a cough.

We prayed for her and she seemed to settle and experience peace. The pain lessened. I helped prop her up so she could take some cough medicine. 

I called the doctor and informed him of her situation and he told us to bring her in to be admitted. He will stop the treatment for now and wants her on fluids and close monitoring in hospital. We brought her in and they did some tests. She needs another blood transfusion.

The doctor told me there is a possibility that due to the toxicity of the cancer cells, some may have leaked to her spinal cord and/or brain. He said it's called micro-metastasis and if this is the case it would not look good. The good news is, it might not be micro-metastasis. We don't know that that is the case right now. In fact, she had a fall several weeks ago that may explain the pain in her back and legs as she has been complaining of such pain since then.

Please join us in praying for:

• Every cancer cell to be gone. 
• His peace to surround her and comfort her.
• Resolution of any back/leg pain. 
• Continued provision for her medical bills (I have a couple hundred dollars left)

Last Sunday morning my friend in our congregation talked about the story of the persistent widow in Luke 18.  What I learned is carrying me through this week.

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

I always thought this story was about justice and couldn't necessarily be applied to praying persistently for other needs or wants. But in the first verse, Jesus' reason for telling this story is clear - to show them (his followers) that they should always pray and not give up. Other translations say they ought always to pray and not lose heart. The other part that stuck out to me in a new way was the last verse about when Jesus comes back, will he find faith on the earth?

And this is how I am challenged to exercise my faith this week. To pray and not give up and to not lose heart. Even when I am tempted to give in to discouragement and therefore pray less and with less faith because I have not yet instantly seen what I have asked for.  No.  I will not be limited to pray for those things that seem possible to my limited human mind, knowing that God's thoughts are higher than my thoughts and his ways higher than my ways and knowing that nothing is impossible with God.

I also know that Jesus said, "All who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these..."

We know that Jesus went through towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the Kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he sent out the 12 disciples and then the 72 it says he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the Kingdom of God and to heal the sick.

The results are up to God but I must do my part and pray for healing.

So join me! Let's not lose heart but keep praying with faith in our loving and powerful God. 

Firsts

Andrey and I find ourselves in a place we have dreamed of being in for a while.  A place where we have a bit more time to ourselves and with each other and have more of an overall balance to our family life.  It has always felt far off until recently and then what feels like suddenly, (even though it's been very gradual) we are here.  We've had several firsts in the past few weeks.

Andrey and I had our first overnight without Ella, a whole 24 hours!  We celebrated our 10th anniversary by staying in a hotel in the city (and got upgraded to an extra nice room!) while Ella had her first sleepover at her best friend Tessi's house.  She did better than we expected.  She didn't show the least bit distressed by us leaving and was totally fine when we returned.  She seemed to have a really great time.  Andrey and I are were amazed at how smoothly things went... and so happened to have the most amazing time away together.

The other night Ella woke early in the night when we both were still up.  For the very first time instead of calling for me she called for Daddy.  I waited for her to change her mind and ask for me.  Not only did that not happen but Daddy brought her back to her room and got her back to sleep and in bed!  Unheard of.  So great. 

Last week I put Ella to bed and decided to try to see if she'll get to sleep without me in the room.  This has never gone well.  But on this night she surprised me.  Could this be the beginning of not having to wait till she's asleep before I exit?

Last weekend Andrey and I saw a movie... in the theater!  First time that's happened in two years. We saw the latest Batman movie and enjoyed some wine and chocolate that we brought in.  Yep, you can do that here.  It was sweeet!  The wine and chocolate, that is - I didn't care much for the movie.  Date nights out of the house rock!

When Ella chose to go on a rather high zipline off a mountain over the ocean with her Daddy during our recent trip to Palawan, I saw it as indicative of how far we've come as a family in less than two years.  We feel like all the time and energy not rushing her into things has paid off.  She is secure and confident (and quite brave!) and is very attached to both me and her Daddy.  And the bonus? Andrey and I are really enjoying dating each other again. ;-)

Miracles Abound!

Thanks for praying for Ana Mae!

As of today we were out of money but in the last day I have miraculously received 32,000 pesos! The family received 10,000 pesos from the Philippines Charity Sweepstakes Office yesterday. These together add up to enough to cover the next two weeks of treatment - all but 1 radiation treatment and 2 chemo treatments remain after that! We are only short 15,000 pesos to complete her treatment and I have no doubt the money will come in when we need it. 

AND... just minutes after an unexpected donation was left at my house an hour ago, I received a text from Ana Mae's sister about the latest CT result - More than 60% of the cancer is gone. From her nose down to her neck, the cancer is gone, there is only cancer left near her eyes.  I will have the chance to speak to the doctor myself on Monday to confirm this and to get some more details.

Join me in doing a HAPPY DANCE in celebration of God's loving faithfulness and care for Ana Mae and for hearing our prayers and for answering so quickly and timely.  I am blown away and in awe of his power and goodness. You are good, Lord, and all praise and glory goes to YOU!

Thank you for taking part in these miracles.  God is using you!

Ana Mae, 20 Treatments In

I saw Ana Mae today.  The difference in her appearance is remarkable! 

A few days before she started treatment (June 18)

After 20 of 33 radiation treatments,
3 of 7 chemo treatments (July 18)

This week's treatments have been paid for but as of the end of this week, there is no more money.

Please join us in prayer for the following:

1) Complete and miraculous healing for Ana Mae

2) That the CT scan she had today shows better than expected progress and will result in a better prognosis

3) Financial provision so she can continue and complete her treatment.  Ana Mae's sister is going to another government agency tomorrow in hopes of receiving some help.  So far, they've only received 2,000 pesos ($48 USD).

I admit, I'm worried.  I'm a bit stressed about the money.  I am close to tapping out my own resources and ability to be of practical help.  Oftentimes I'm presented with something within my ability to act - I just have to pray and decide whether it's the right thing to do or not.  But in this case, what I'm able to do isn't nearly enough.  This is beyond me and I really have no idea how the Lord is going to move but I believe he will.  It is uncomfortable but I know it is a good place to be because when we're desperate and willing to stake our lives on the faithfulness of God and not on our own abilities or resources, that is when we see the Lord move is mighty ways.

When we chose the bit about not worrying in Matthew chapter 6 for our discussion this past week with this family and community, I had no idea I would have to work so hard to apply it myself.

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Now is the time to pray with faith in our Mighty and Loving God.  I look forward to sharing what he does. Those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

Ana Mae, 8 radiation treatments in

I saw Ana Mae today.  I had the privilege of bringing more money.  Although not reflected on my Paypal giving widget, at the end of my first week of fund-raising, I had the equivalent of $950 USD to put toward Ana Mae's care.  At the end of the second week, I unexpectedly received another $800 USD!  God is so good!

So far I have used all of the first week's donations.  This paid for Ana Mae's blood transfusion last week, eight radiation treatments (treatments #4-11 of 33, this week's remaining treatments were paid in advance), some pain meds, and her first chemotherapy treatment tomorrow.

I have about 33,000 pesos left ($785 USD).  This is enough to get all of next week's treatments.  Yay! This is giving us some breathing room and time for the family to follow up on promises of help from local sources.  They will be going back to the mayor this week.  We are all very hopeful.

Ana Mae's tumor is noticeably smaller.  I will take a photo when I see her again this week and will post it here so you can track her progress.  She reports being able to smell and taste again and her appetite is returning.  She was very smiley today.

Another good thing is that her blood count increased remarkably due to the blood transfusion last week and this means she can start chemotherapy tomorrow.

We continue to have weekly worship meetings in Ana Mae's neighborhood (which has gone on for years albeit not always as regular).  Those who come pretty much make up a big part of her extended family.  Some really great things are happening.

Thanks for praying and please keep it up!  And more financial help is needed.  There is a long road ahead but we know that God is good, and his unfailing love surrounds those who trust in him (Psalm 32:10).

Ana Mae Update

I met Ana Mae's oncologist today and learned the details of her disease and prognosis.

Ana Mae has Stage 4B nasopharyngeal cancer. This is one stage short of 4C, which is end-stage. The cancer has spread to a very small part of her brain and also to the lymph nodes in her neck.

According to the oncologist there is a 20% chance of cure, and a 50% chance that the treatment will be effective enough to relieve or lessen the disease without curing it.

She needs a miracle.

Ana Mae began 3D (a newer and better form) radiation therapy last Thursday and has completed the first three of 33 total treatments. She was due to start chemotherapy tomorrow but her hemoglobin and hematocrit were so low that she needs blood transfusion first.  She is all set up to receive two bags of blood tomorrow and will start the chemo next week instead.

Between Compassion and what I was able to raise, we have only enough to get her 2 of 7 chemo treatments and maybe another 7 radiation treatments. The family has been to several local organizations for help, including the Mayor and Governor, and has received promise of some money but are told they can't get it for another month or longer.  Other organizations told them to come back after she's completed half her treatment. We are praying the money will come through by the time it is needed (sometime next week).

Thanks to all who have donated so far.  I was able to give 40,000 pesos (~$950 USD) toward her treatment today.

More is needed.  If you would still like to donate, just hit the donate button on the widget on the right side of this page.  I can assure you that 100% of your donation will go toward her treatment.  Any fees charged by Paypal for receiving donations on my blog will be otherwise covered.

We are doing all we know to do. Please pray with us for complete healing and for provision. I know that God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask for or imagine.

Please Help a Teen with Cancer

Friends,

I rarely do this, but please take a look at the fundraising widget I just posted on the right side of this blog. There's a girl we know here who is in desperate need of cancer treatment and I'm trying to help the family raise the money needed to get her started on radiation therapy as soon as possible.  She is 17 years old and was just diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer.

We are also looking for funds from local organizations but since her tumor is rapidly growing, we have a bit of time pressure. That's why I'm going to you at the same time we are looking for help locally.  Plus, it is unlikely we'll be able to get the entire amount donated locally and will need to supplement it with funds from abroad. 

When I had cancer at age 19, it was hard enough to go through diagnosis and treatment but at least my family had insurance that paid for nearly 100% of the medical care I received.  My remission was not dependent on us affording good care.  It saddens me that in addition to being faced with a life-threatening disease such as cancer, this family has the added burden of having to find money for the treatment needed to save her life.

Because she is a Compassion-sponsored child, Compassion was able to provide nearly $1,000 USD and that will go toward 7 weeks of chemotherapy.  The radiation therapy is expected to cost $3,000 USD.

Here's a photo of her I took yesterday. We were able to help her get the CT scan and some meds she needed in order to prepare for treatment.

Please pray for her and her family and donate if you can. Thank you SO much. ~ Jen

What's up these days

Andrey is delayed at the airport in Manila, Ella is asleep and after catching up on a few of my favorite blogs, I suddenly feel inspired to blog tonight.  I don't seem to have as much computer time as I did back when Ella was still napping.  Since I haven't been able get the detailed, in-depth posts I'd like to write accomplished, I will settle for a random and general update.

I feel busy.  Busier than I've been since I became a mom.  I am spending less time at home, which means I'm spending less time running out of ideas and energy and capacity to entertain my daughter. Ella and I get to do lots of fun social stuff with other moms and kids throughout the week, I get time with friends regularly (sometimes with and sometimes without Ella) and Andrey and I get date nights in once a week nearly every week (sometimes at home, sometimes out).  Ella is relatively independent and very secure and so affords us more time for other things.  Life seems to have a pretty good balance these days and I am so thankful for this season.  Sounds about the right time for child #2, wouldn't you say? Life is getting a bit too easy and fun. ha ha.  More on that later...

Some other things keeping me busy are the handful of mom and baby pairs that have come across my path in the past 6 months or so that I've been able to be involved in and use my midwifery and nutrition skills to help in some way.  I just love getting to be of practical help and getting to learn new things and the challenge of it all.  Like a few weeks ago, I did a first postpartum check-up on a woman who gave birth on the street a few weeks previous. I mean, literally on the street. In front of Dunkin Donuts. Can you imagine?  Anyway, it's really amazing that despite some pain she was having, everything was normal.  Healthy mom, healthy, thriving breast-fed baby. 

The past month or so I've been helping create and monitor a feeding plan for an extremely malnourished, brain-affected child.  I learned how to insert a feeding tube this week.  We got a good breast pump for the 16-year-old mom who was living on the street up until a family in our church congregation recently took her and her baby in.  Her baby is 7 months old and weights 7 pounds. :-( We are seeing gradual progress with the help of a pediatrician who never charges us. 

Ella's is generally very easy and so I can either drag her along with me when I visit moms and babies or leave her with one of a few people I am comfortable leaving her with that she enjoys.  It's so nice to have options!  I'm really enjoying getting to do something outside of parenting.  (Am I supposed to enjoy that so much?) 

I found a great plan for getting regular exercise. I recently clued in to the fact that I have until 7:20am when Andrey leaves for work every morning to do whatever I want. I realized that if I just get up a bit earlier, I can get exercise and some prayer time and maybe even a shower in before I need to be on duty with Ella.  Andrey gets her up, gets her dressed, takes her for a short walk and gets her breakfast started and I get a good start to some key elements in my physical and spiritual health for the day.

Ella is doing so amazingly well.  I will do a proper update on her soon.  I will just say that we are loving the things that come out of her mouth these days.  She tells me she loves me all the time.  When I help her do something like lift her up so she can see, she says, "Oh thanks, Mama!"  The other day she told me, "I'm SOOO happy God made you, Mommy!"  Lately she's been asking, "You love me Mommy?" I think she likes to hear it again and again how much we love her.

On the baby front.  I need to devote at least a whole post to that but for fear that that won't happen for a while I'll at least get this out there. 

The headline:  We are considering adopting again.  This time local, domestic process here in the Philippines because we are considered residents and because the inter-country process we did before is no longer possible for US citizens living outside of the US.  The process is still a few years long but quite different in that we could have a child within several months of applying and submitting all the requirements.  Also, it's possible we could get a child as young as 1.

Why? and Why now?

• Andrey recently got a promotion and was asked to stay based in Cebu for the next three years.  We didn't see domestic adoption as an option before when we weren't sure how long we'd be here.
• Ella is doing great and we think she's close to being ready for it.  The timing feels right. She will be a really great big sister.  She needs (I need) someone besides me to entertain her all day and I know there are more children in our future.
• Since before Ella, I've dreamed of having two Filipino children.  I love the idea of our adopted children having a sibling who is also adopted.
• We feel God is presenting us with this opportunity to adopt again, and adoption opportunities these days are become increasingly hard to come by, especially for families like us living overseas.
• We do believe we will have a biological child some day and we are not giving up hope for that, but that hasn't happened yet and we know we want more than one adopted child, so why not now? 

So I wish it was as simple as this. . .

Hey everybody, we have a fun announcement to make! We are adopting again and we'll likely have a child by the end of the year! Yay! It's like I'm 4 months pregnant! 

But it's not.  

• We have been researching this process for over a month and the timeline is unpredictable and we may need to stay in the Philippines longer than Andrey's job would ideally want us here.
• By adopting domestically we will not be able to take our child out of the country while the adoption is in process and even longer before the US government allows us to apply for a tourist or immigrant visa for the child. This means we will not be able to travel to the US as a family for 2-3 years.  No furlough. No Spring trip to DC for the IJM prayer gathering.
• We are not sure we will be able to get all the requirements. Some are proving rather difficult to obtain.

Sooo, all that to say, we are going to try to adopt again.  We are cautiously optimistic.  We believe if it's the right thing it will happen. We are trusting God in this even though the path is not clear knowing that he will direct our steps as we hope in him.  I do wish things were less-complicated.

What a difference a year makes

We just got back from a three-week trip to the US and Canada.  At the end of our trip we got to spend a week with Andrey's family.  Ella and her cousin Annika got along so well and had so much fun that it was difficult to get them to do anything else but play together.  (Suddenly we were having numerous urinary accidents because of how much fun Ella was having. She didn't want to miss any of it!) They held hands in the car.  And for the first time, I saw Ella spontaneously give a hug to a friend.  A few times, she walked over to Annika and gave her a huge hug.  So sweet.

At the end when we were saying good bye, both Andrey and I hugged Annika.  With each hug, Ella mildly protested and said, "Ella's Mommy!" and "Ella's Daddy!" She wasn't upset, she just declared the truth to make sure Annika understood.

It made me so happy to see this.  To me, this was an example of her secure attachment to us. She was claiming us as hers. And she did so confidently.

I compare this to where we were at a year ago.  Same Spring trip.  In DC at a friend's house who had a 2 week old baby.  I held the baby and Ella pitched herself onto the floor crying.  She was so upset that I quickly passed the baby back to his momma so I could hold and console my daughter, assuring her that she was my daughter, I was her momma and always would be.

That is the difference between insecure attachment and secure attachment.

We are a year and seven months in to parenting our Michella, who is thriving.  She is a gem and we love her to pieces.

Now check out this adorable video of Ella and Annika having snacks behind the couch at Grandma and Grandpa's house last week.  Cheers!

Want to hear a good story?

In late January, a young mom came to Sunday worship with an extremely tiny, malnourished and sick baby in arms.  Baby J was clearly very dehydrated and lethargic and her eyes were full of gunk from infection.  I figured she must be a few weeks old.  I was shocked when C told me that the baby was already two months old.  Born premature in November with a birth weight of 1.2 kg (2 lbs, 10 oz), C told me how her baby now weighed less than 2 pounds.  She told me how she had brought the baby to the local health center and was told to put the baby on formula and sent home.

They couldn't afford to go to a doctor so they came to us.  Her brother is also a part of our church community and I had met this young gal back when her first child was an infant.  I am so glad she came on this day.  I knew that without proper intervention the baby would not last long.  When I told her and her partner how serious the situation was and how she needed to get the baby to hospital that very day, she drew her tiny baby up to her face and wept, clearly very worried.

Baby J spent just over a week in the public hospital and was treated for dehydration, pneumonia and sepsis. She responded well.  But with insufficient breast milk, C relied on formula she couldn't afford to feed Baby J.

Sometime in February a midwife friend of mine and I began visiting C in her home each week. With the help of a local doctor who saw them for free, both of C's babies were able to get check ups and medicine for some nagging chest infections.  I really wanted to help her increase her breast milk. Seeing Baby J recover from a critical level of malnutrition and seeing the tiny shack where they lived confirmed to me how essential it was to get this baby off formula. And aside from the obvious reasons for breastfeeding, there was a powerfully motivating economic reason.  They just could not afford it - especially in light of C's 18-month-old daughter, who was malnourished and not yet walking.  If we could get C breastfeeding Baby J exclusively then they can use her husband's small salary for food and not waste it on formula. And they barely have enough money for food.

I have seen numerous moms in the Philippines go from exclusive breastfeeding to "mixed feeding" because of a perceived and sometimes a real lack of breast milk.  Breastfeeding is not always easy and often takes a lot of work in the beginning to get things going.  When a new mom fears she doesn't have enough for her baby, it impacts her confidence and without any support you can see why poor women here feel they need to supplement with formula. (Why most middle-upper class women don't breastfeed here is another issue.)  The baby is given formula from a bottle and there is even less stimulation to the breast and then the milk supply doesn't even have a chance to build.  Formula helps to satisfy a screaming, hungry baby but it is counterproductive to exclusive breastfeeding.  Everyone knows that breastfeeding is best but it's the how that is lacking.  Many women want to breast feed and know they should but often lack the support to do so successfully.

I spent some time with C and Baby J and witnessed for myself that C really wasn't producing enough. We had her feeding on demand and hand expressing in between but we found that after getting formula from a bottle, baby J was becoming less willing to do the work at the breast to get milk. So we took the bottle away and had her and her partner work together to supplement while baby J was at the breast with the use of a large syringe and tiny feeding tube that was placed in the side of baby J's mouth as she suckled at the breast.  They only gave formula when baby J was not able to get enough at the breast.

The result was remarkable! It took several weeks and lots of prayer and encouragement, but C was able to reduce the amount of formula given to baby J from 8 ounces per day, to 4, to 3, to ZERO!!!

As of last week, she reported to me with a big smile on her face that she didn't need to give formula anymore.  She told me that baby J is now satisfied with just her milk.  The change in C's countenance as she told me this was indicative of the confidence and pride she was now feeling at her ability to care for and feed her baby. 

I am SO, so delighted at this I just had to share it with all of you.

Here's a photo (shared with permission) of C and baby J just a few days ago. I am happy to report that baby J is thriving and now weighs over 5 kg (11 lbs). C's other child is also doing well. We've been helping with things on the nutrition side and she is gaining weight and is now walking.  And C is getting help with family planning.

Another Side of Cebu

Cebu City is bordered by the ocean on one side and mountains on the other.  We regularly get to enjoy the ocean but it's not often we get out to explore the mountains.  There aren't any public walking trails or nature parks and so we've been a bit disappointed with lack of options for getting out in nature for a hike.  Now that we have Ella and we see how much she loves and needs to frolic around where there are trees and grass and open space, we recently decided to settle for a walk in the powerful midday sun on a road through lots of farm land that has some nice views.  We enjoyed it so much we wondered why we haven't done this more in the past.  It's perfect for Ella, who loves finding a good stick or two, riding on Daddy's shoulders, skipping with mommy and being social with the many cows and goats along the way.  We are so thankful to live in such a beautiful place.  I realize that by adjusting expectations and having the right kind of attitude we get to experience some simple but great things that we might otherwise miss out on. 

More Nosy Ladies

I ran into another extremely nosy and tactless lady at the market yesterday.  Opposed to my last nosy lady interaction, I responded so much better this time.  I think it was a bit easier to handle the barrage of questions about me and Ella because they were directed at the lady I was buying mangoes from.  This woman was verbally processing all the questions she had about us and wanted to start a conversation with the seller about us, perhaps assuming we didn't understand a word she was saying.  But I did understand. And the seller, whom I've bought from before, knew I understood, so she was noticeably uncomfortable with this woman's gossipy chatter. 

I was thankful that the seller kept quiet and let me handle it.  So as the lady tried to discuss how clearly American I was and how clearly Filipino my daughter was and wondered aloud where my daughter's "real" mama was, I acted as if I didn't understand but gave knowing glances to the mango seller.  I ignored the nosy woman, but as she continued I began talking to the mango seller in Cebuano and the woman could then see that I understood.  You'd think this would cause her to feel a little embarrassed for talking about us so openly where we could hear but no, she just went on as if her curiosity and questioning was perfectly acceptable.  She then directed her questions at Ella.  Hello baby! Where is your mommy? You speak Cebuano right? At this point I was really annoyed and so thankful that Ella did not understand what she was saying because she said it in Cebuano.  I then employed a local expression that people here use to say I don't want to talk about it in a light-hearted way.  I looked at the woman and said, "Secret!" with a smirky smile.  The woman sort of laughed it off and I left... without giving ANY information and with my daughter's privacy and dignity intact.  It felt so good.

I guess I should be ready for the scenario when Ella is asked Where is your mommy? question in English.  She would probably just look at the person like they were stupid because clearly her mommy is right here.  I really, really hate that question. 

I am finding a variety of ways to respond to strangers' questions.  I recently decided that when someone asks about me and my daughter and they aren't initially really offensive or annoying, and if I'm in the mood, I would take it as an opportunity to educate the person on international adoption.  I tried this last week when I had a conversation with a less nosy woman at our local running track.

On a quick side note.  This woman asked if the child in the stroller I was pushing was my daughter.  Then she asked, Can she walk?  I find this so funny and just tells of the fact that strollers are not commonly used around here.  In the mall, yes.  But not at the running track I guess.  I find it so amusing that her first thought was to wonder if my child was disabled.

Anyway, instead of even letting the conversation move to her asking how it is that me and my daughter don't look alike, I went right ahead and told her that we adopted our daughter and that there are many families around the world who adopt children from the Philippines.  I told her that we waited for three years to get her because we wanted her so bad and that she was chosen for us and how wonderfully happy we are now that we have her.  And then I directed the conversation elsewhere.

I often get this response from strangers who learn a little about our story - Oh she is so lucky!  To this I make a point to say something like, Oh thanks, but we are the ones who are lucky.  She is such an amazing girl and we love her so much.  She is not a charity case and I don't want her to ever think that we adopted her simply out of "the kindness of our heart".  What strangers don't consider is that we needed her as much as she needed us.  What they don't know about is the ache in my heart I carried for years and years as we waited for her.  

It feels very good to be learning how to take control of these interactions and protect my daughter in the process.  I want our discussions about our story and adoption to be on my terms and when I choose to share, I want the conversation to be very positive and natural.  At some point when Ella gets older I may have to direct the questions to her and let her decide if she wants to share or not.  We will have to work as a team to deal with inevitable interactions like these.

Ella's First Dentist Appointment

Ella got her first fillings at the dentist last week.  She came to us with what I thought were at least two cavities, maybe more, and there was nothing I could do about them until recently.  I dreaded the whole dental experience.  So I brought her with me to our dentist and let her see the office, meet the dentist and get the feel for the place.  After several visits she refused to sit in the chair.  When it came time to book a real appointment I realized that I didn't have full confidence in my dentist to work on Ella.  I really like my dentist but she is often distracted during appointments, taking phone calls in the middle of cleaning my teeth.

I was thankful when I got a glowing recommendation from a friend of mine for another dentist who had done some work on one of her kids.  So I took Ella in to the new dentist's office to make the appointment so she could see it and get familiar before her actual appointment. We went back a week later and I had very low expectations.  I talked to Ella about it all week leading up to it and only encouraged her to sit in the chair, open her mouth and let the dentist look inside.  I gauged her readiness by her response to this.  She was very positive (and super-cute practicing what she would do when the dentist asked her to open up) and seemed eager to give it a try.  I was nervous.

On our first visit she totally blew me away.  Not only did she do what she agreed to do, she actually sat there and let the dentist give her a good teeth cleaning.  I was able to sit with her in the chair, and while she was a bit nervous at first when it came time to lean back in the chair, she did so with encouragement from me and the dentist who was super matter-of-fact, kind, patient and all-around disarming. He was perfect. Thank God there were only two cavities. He said he could go ahead and do one of the fillings that day but I decided we shouldn't push it.

We came back a week later and she had her two cavities drilled out without any anesthesia and two fillings put in without even a twinge of pain.  I sat with her in the chair again and held her hands the whole time - not because she wanted that, but because I did - and I noticed that her hands and the rest of her body were so relaxed the entire time.  She was SO CUTE sitting there with her mouth open, body relaxed, tongue fishing around, and alternately turning her eyes to look at the dentist, then the assistant, then the dentist, etc.  This was like NO BIG DEAL for her whatsoever.

It appears that I have underestimated her. 

TMI extracted

I had a interaction with a very nosey woman at the pharmacy I stopped in at today.  It all happened so fast that by the end of it, which included the time it took for me to pay and wait for my change, I realized how much information this woman got out of me about my daughter and I almost felt violated. And frustrated with myself for answering any of her questions.

You just don't know how far people will take things when the line of questioning starts. Most of the time it's the usual three questions and then they get the picture, but not this woman. Oh man did she interrogate me.  I just didn't see it coming.

The exchange went something like this. By the way, this slew of questions took place in about 60 seconds, well before I realized it would have been much better to have been rude and cut it off at the beginning. I need to get better at this. Ugh.

Lady: Is she your daughter?
Me: Yes (smiling)
Lady: So are you American?
Me: Yes (looking away thinking, here we go)
Lady: So you live here?
Me: Yes
Lady: Are you married?
Me: Yes, almost 10 years (I'm proud of that and was happy to share it)
Lady: So your husband is Filipino?
Me: No
Lady: Huh? (confused look) But... (examining Ella with her eyes, meanwhile I'm thinking, please stop here, please clue in before I have to spell it out for you)
Me: She's adopted (I smile and wink at Ella)
Lady: So you were not able to have a child?
Me: Not yet! (smiling and trying to look positive. I said this knowing what she was asking me but thinking, I have a child, so I guess we were able!)
Lady: Does she know she's adopted?
Me: Yes! (exasperated tone, because jeez, I just told you that, in front of her, thank God this is not how my daughter learns that she is adopted you crazy lady!)
Lady: So does she see her Mom? She sees her mom often, right?
Me: Umm, No! (THANK GOD my change finally came from the other sales woman and I could walk out the door... As I walked away I screamed in my head, feeling very protective, YEAH SHE SEES HER MOM.  I AM HER MOM! This wasn't some under-the-table deal. What does this woman think?)

You see there is this stigma with adoption here. Families who can't conceive will often adopt a baby from a family they know or have heard of who have more than their fair share. This is done illegally and many times secretly because it is shameful for a couple to not be able to bear a child. I can't tell you how many times this kind of thing was attempted during my time at the maternity clinic. The birth mom asking us to write someone else's name on the birth certificate that she planned to give her baby to.  Sometimes the child is brought up without ever knowing they were adopted. Or even worse, I've heard of situations where the child joins the new family and is more of a second-rate child than a beloved family member. I mean, you know, you have your kids and then you have YOUR kids. My British friend who has 2 biological and 3 adopted children gets this all the time. "So which ones are yours?"

I know all this about local, under-the-table adoption in the Philippines. And it makes me angry to think that someone would apply any of that cultural stigma to my child and think that I adopted her illegally.  After all that we went through to get her I can feel so defensive. And so there is a part of me that wants to share just enough so that they know that our situation is not typical and that I love my daughter as if I carried her in my body for 9 months.  I did carry her actually.  I carried her for years and she grew, as did my love for her well before I knew her name.  And it is so freaking official, it couldn't be any more above-board.

So there. I just wanted to declare that.

I feel like a Momma Bear.  ROAR!!!

Ella and Roo

Ella has a special friend - a little purple puppy she affectionately calls Roo, after the young kangaroo character from Winnie the Pooh.  Ella loves Roo and is with him nearly all day and night.  She brings him wherever she goes.  If she happens to forget about him, she will ask, "Where Roo go?... Roo crying!" and run to find him.  When she is not dressing Roo or changing his bum, she is carrying him in the "baby carrier."

She has found so many ways to carry Roo.  I see now how silly those play baby carriers are for kids that one can buy.  Who needs 'em?  All you need is a scarf, blanket or in this case a removable apron strap.

The other type of baby carrier that Ella uses is a "pouch," which of course is appropriate for a small purple kangaroo. 

Here she is with Roo in the pouch but covered with a long shirt.  I love how she has her arms around her Roo-filled pouch, just like a pregnant woman.  She is so nurturing and affectionate with her "babies."

I was so impressed with this one.  I guess there wasn't enough space in her jeans so she grabbed her bathing suit and put it on. 

She also loves to "feed" Roo.  You can't really see it here but she has her shirt pulled down from the top to expose her nipple so she can line Roo up just right.  After all, positioning is important for a good latch.  ;-)  I have my good friend Hanna to thank for modeling this effective, over the top (no pun intended), nursing style.

She is so into Winnie the Pooh these days.  She has adapted Pooh's common expression of "Rumbly in my tumbly" and has made it her own.  She often lifts her shirt, rubs her tummy and says, "Oh YES! Tummy rumble!!" And it is the cutest thing ever. 

She is such a precious girl.  I am enjoying her so much.