Why do I feel like such a freak everywhere I go? Practically every interaction I have with anyone, especially staff people at every supermarket, mall, and coffee shop I go to seems to invoke funny reactions like embarrassed-looking smiles, staring, laughing and the subsequent not-so-subtle giggles and words among coworkers immediately after I walk away. Was it something I said? Is it my looks? What? Can you be any more obvious that you're talking about me?? Sometimes I just want to blend and go about my business as if I am perfectly normal!!! Just fake it people, I don't care. Just do it when I'm not looking or can't hear. On better days, I find this cute and I have the wherewithall to choose not to take it personal. On days when I'm having a hard time adjusting to this new place it makes me feel like never leaving my house and then I find myself dreaming about life in North America (which is never truly as perfect as I imagine in these moments).
I remember how experiences like these were exactly the same in Thailand, except harder because I couldn't communicate and I was adapting to Asia for the first time! At least the Asian part of the Philippines is somewhat familiar, it's just the Filipino-specific cultural nuances I am still quite ignorant about. Part of it is the fact that there are way fewer white women here than in Thailand. I rarely see any and I get a feeling that the average Filipino (at least here in Cebu) also rarely sees white women. So I'll just chalk it up to being unique. Yep, that's it. I'm interesting. An anomaly. But who likes to be seen as a circus everywhere you go??
Disclaimer: I would just like to note how friendly Filipinos are and that I really don't think their actions are ill-intentioned. This is just me reacting to the daily struggle of being a foreigner.
5 comments:
Hey Jen,
I remember this feeling from my years in rural Japan. Old women in the supermarket used to come over to poke through my groceries and then walk off nodding. Kids at the elementary school pointing...
There were perks too (free beers, invitations to homes, etc.) but it is hard to constantly be pointed out as different and remain gracious. I know that a number of times, I found myself becoming quite irritated or even rude when someone had not really done anything terrible...
Will keep you in prayer.
I've experienced this, too...It's tough being a visible minority and dealing with culture adjustments at the same time. I'm praying!
Hang in there, Jen. Wearing my Seahawks shirt and driving a Subaru with a Labrador Retriever in the back is the equivalent to camouflage back here in Seattle - and I still think people do those things. :) Much love to you and Andrey!
Jen,
They are not used to your great, terrific beauty.
lv
d1
By just being there you are increasing their scope of imagination and God's creation!
Cheers!
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