Busy Days & Thoughts on Motherhood

We made it back to Cebu last Monday evening and the rest of this week has flown by. I feel like so many of my recent and infrequent posts have been about coming and going - travel - in and out of Cebu. I'm happy now that we have no travel planned until April, so that's almost 2 months before we head off again. I'm not complaining. I'm grateful to get to travel so much it's just that there is a time and a place for staying put and being productive and having a routine. One of the best parts of travel is realizing my need for this and appreciating my work and routines more than I would otherwise. I came back energized for what lies ahead this year.
But now I am already feeling slightly overwhelmed. There is a lot on my plate these days and I find myself processing how to manage it all. Our lives are FULL these days. We have a good church and a home group with friendships developing out of that community. We have our work and the friendships that are building out of that. I have my studies which have officially started this week. We have the adoption in the works and currently there is a lot to do to get our documents ready. We are moving in a week. And there are all the things I like to do to stay grounded - cooking from scratch (my creative outlet and a necessary therapeutic activity), eating well, exercising (which goes straight out the window when I travel), and making time to meet with Jesus - to pray, to read the Word, to listen for his voice, to worship, & to rest in his presence. In addition, I find that I thrive within a certain level of organization - like in the areas of budget, paperwork, emails, random stuff. All these things take time. And when there's not enough time I have to learn to prioritize.
All of this and we don't have children! Granted, I shouldn't be studying when we get our child so that's one less thing but from what I understand many working and stay-at-home mothers struggle to "keep it all together." I know I will struggle with this. I have no idea whether I'll want to work when we have kids. I really have no idea what it will be like but I'm trying to prepare myself for the loss of independence I now enjoy, for the ability to spend 3 hours in the kitchen preparing a meal from scratch, the freedom to go where I want when I want on my days off, etc... As my friend put it, "When you have kids it's like half of you is gone. You sacrifice your needs/wants for your children." I hate to look at it in such a negative light but I do recognize that this is a very practical part of becoming a parent. Maybe it's more like your life as you know it is over and you have to adapt to a new identity. Whatever it is I know there will be some tough times when I feel unorganized, behind and constantly playing catch-up. If I do work I figure there will be times when I feel divided - like when I'm at work I'll feel like I'm cheating my kids, and when I'm with my kids I'll feel like I'm cheating my work. These are just things I've been hearing from so many of my friends who have young children and also have part-time or full-time jobs. So I guess I'd better be enjoying these last days of independence and realize that if I struggle to keep it all together now then there's no way I'll ever do it when there are kids in the equation. It's time to start lowering the expectations of myself now and get used to a little (or a lot) of disorganization. The thought makes me cringe but I know I must be willing if I want to be a mommy.