Sunrise over Porters Lake and the Promises of God

Yesterday I woke up earlier than anyone in the house (not a common occurrence). It was still dark so I thought I’d better get up and watch the sunrise since I rarely am awake and alert before the sun. I took the short walk to the lake and sat on a rock. It was incredibly quiet and peaceful except for the occasional car (there’s a main road just between the house and the lake). There wasn’t much wind so the lake was almost completely glassy, enabling a clear reflection of the trees on the other side. It is in nature and quiet and stillness like this that the presence of God is almost tangible. It brought me to tears because it is this feeling that I long for in Cebu but have yet to discover space to experience it. This lasted for about 5 blissful minutes… until the attack of the local mosquitoes. I thought, “no problem” because I was wearing long pants, socks, shoes and long sleeves and so there wasn’t any bare skin for the bugs to bite – or so I thought. As I struggled to regain the much-desired sense of peace by ignoring the annoying creatures, I soon found myself scratching several bites on my forehead and thighs. They bit me right through my pants! “Why did you create mosquitoes, God?” I asked. “I just can’t think of any good purpose served by mosquitoes!” In the same moment I wondered how many times do we ask God this question about things we don’t understand? Like the fact that Andrey and I do not yet have children after 3 ½ years of trying, waiting and hoping. And how is it that a homeless, mentally ill woman in Cebu has given birth to 15 children, all of which are in children’s homes waiting to be adopted? Why is a woman like that fertile when we, who can provide a stable, loving home are not? Where is the reason in that? What possible purpose could that serve? I clearly have no idea. Just like I have no idea why mosquitoes exist.

But I have a choice. I can either live according to what I see with my eyes or I can live according to the precious promises of God: “[The Lord] satisfies your desires with good things” and “Blessed are those whose hope is in the Lord.” I have a choice to put my hope in the ability of my human understanding or I can put my hope in Jesus who is faithful, loving, compassionate, and wise. Someday I’ll ask him to explain to me the purpose of mosquitoes and the purpose of this time of waiting for children.