How often do you get asked about whether you use birth control from a perfect stranger? Is it common? It's happened to me at least three times since living in the Philippines with one of those times including getting warned by a taxi driver about the difficulty of getting pregnant after I turn 35 and how I'd better hurry.
The most recent occurrence was during the training I attended in Manila last week. Here's how the conversation went with a guy that I had just met and had had a few bits of small talk with that morning about where I live and why I was in the Philippines. Naturally, the conversation by that afternoon had moved to more personal stuff. This is normal, right?
Guy: So are you married?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Do you have kids?
Me: No.
Guy: How old are you?
Me: 34
Guy: How many years have you been married?
Me: 2 (Okay so we've been married for 7 years but I started lying about this recently because I've learned that telling the truth makes conversations like this even worse)
Guy: Hmmm... (I can hear the wheels turning as he searches for the reason for this)... So are you using family planning?
Me: That's a little personal, don't you think?
Guy: Sorry.
End of conversation.
Yes. I know it's weird. A married woman in the Philippines who doesn't have kids. I can understand why this guy and numerous taxi drivers have found this strange, given the fertility rates in the Philippines. But frick! None of them ever seem to consider infertility. None of them seem to consider that this may be a sensitive topic (less so now than before but still!). That's why I've started lying. Perhaps I'll start really lying and just say I have kids already so we can have a cordial conversation about the joys and challenges of being a parent.
The last person who asked me the same line of questions was a salesman in a hardware store after I asked him where I could find a new toilet seat. I told him that's none of his business and proceeded to immediately walk away abandoning my purchase. Two words. Unexpected and Inappropriate.
I'm a pretty open person and I usually don't mind entertaining the common array of questioning from curious Filipinos. I choose to be flattered by the fact that they are just genuinely interested in my story - why I'm here and what I'm doing. I'm okay with that but being questioned about my use of birth control is clearly a line that should not be crossed.
3 comments:
Wow Jen, I'm sorry that you're forced to field this line of questioning.
Perhaps you could tell them some wild tall tale involving aliens or cyborgs or something. Could tip the balance from awkward to entertaining?
i'm sorry Jen. the constant personal interviewing was always tiring, but this is certainly worse. and not something you should have to field!
This is just internationally rude. No excuses for being Filipino or Asian or anything else: it is RUDE TO ASK SOMEONE ELSE personal questions about their sexual or reproductive life! All over the world! I think you might be running into the foreigner-is-less-human-so-therefore-doesn't-have-feelings phenomenon.
I am glad you are clear and firm in drawing a boundary around such inappropriate behaviour.
xo.
And soon it will be irrelevant, because you will have children, and then no one will ask you this anymore (just invasive and inquisitive questions regarding your adoption...)
:P
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