Another Side of Cebu

Cebu City is bordered by the ocean on one side and mountains on the other.  We regularly get to enjoy the ocean but it's not often we get out to explore the mountains.  There aren't any public walking trails or nature parks and so we've been a bit disappointed with lack of options for getting out in nature for a hike.  Now that we have Ella and we see how much she loves and needs to frolic around where there are trees and grass and open space, we recently decided to settle for a walk in the powerful midday sun on a road through lots of farm land that has some nice views.  We enjoyed it so much we wondered why we haven't done this more in the past.  It's perfect for Ella, who loves finding a good stick or two, riding on Daddy's shoulders, skipping with mommy and being social with the many cows and goats along the way.  We are so thankful to live in such a beautiful place.  I realize that by adjusting expectations and having the right kind of attitude we get to experience some simple but great things that we might otherwise miss out on. 

More Nosy Ladies

I ran into another extremely nosy and tactless lady at the market yesterday.  Opposed to my last nosy lady interaction, I responded so much better this time.  I think it was a bit easier to handle the barrage of questions about me and Ella because they were directed at the lady I was buying mangoes from.  This woman was verbally processing all the questions she had about us and wanted to start a conversation with the seller about us, perhaps assuming we didn't understand a word she was saying.  But I did understand. And the seller, whom I've bought from before, knew I understood, so she was noticeably uncomfortable with this woman's gossipy chatter. 

I was thankful that the seller kept quiet and let me handle it.  So as the lady tried to discuss how clearly American I was and how clearly Filipino my daughter was and wondered aloud where my daughter's "real" mama was, I acted as if I didn't understand but gave knowing glances to the mango seller.  I ignored the nosy woman, but as she continued I began talking to the mango seller in Cebuano and the woman could then see that I understood.  You'd think this would cause her to feel a little embarrassed for talking about us so openly where we could hear but no, she just went on as if her curiosity and questioning was perfectly acceptable.  She then directed her questions at Ella.  Hello baby! Where is your mommy? You speak Cebuano right? At this point I was really annoyed and so thankful that Ella did not understand what she was saying because she said it in Cebuano.  I then employed a local expression that people here use to say I don't want to talk about it in a light-hearted way.  I looked at the woman and said, "Secret!" with a smirky smile.  The woman sort of laughed it off and I left... without giving ANY information and with my daughter's privacy and dignity intact.  It felt so good.

I guess I should be ready for the scenario when Ella is asked Where is your mommy? question in English.  She would probably just look at the person like they were stupid because clearly her mommy is right here.  I really, really hate that question. 

I am finding a variety of ways to respond to strangers' questions.  I recently decided that when someone asks about me and my daughter and they aren't initially really offensive or annoying, and if I'm in the mood, I would take it as an opportunity to educate the person on international adoption.  I tried this last week when I had a conversation with a less nosy woman at our local running track.

On a quick side note.  This woman asked if the child in the stroller I was pushing was my daughter.  Then she asked, Can she walk?  I find this so funny and just tells of the fact that strollers are not commonly used around here.  In the mall, yes.  But not at the running track I guess.  I find it so amusing that her first thought was to wonder if my child was disabled.

Anyway, instead of even letting the conversation move to her asking how it is that me and my daughter don't look alike, I went right ahead and told her that we adopted our daughter and that there are many families around the world who adopt children from the Philippines.  I told her that we waited for three years to get her because we wanted her so bad and that she was chosen for us and how wonderfully happy we are now that we have her.  And then I directed the conversation elsewhere.

I often get this response from strangers who learn a little about our story - Oh she is so lucky!  To this I make a point to say something like, Oh thanks, but we are the ones who are lucky.  She is such an amazing girl and we love her so much.  She is not a charity case and I don't want her to ever think that we adopted her simply out of "the kindness of our heart".  What strangers don't consider is that we needed her as much as she needed us.  What they don't know about is the ache in my heart I carried for years and years as we waited for her.  

It feels very good to be learning how to take control of these interactions and protect my daughter in the process.  I want our discussions about our story and adoption to be on my terms and when I choose to share, I want the conversation to be very positive and natural.  At some point when Ella gets older I may have to direct the questions to her and let her decide if she wants to share or not.  We will have to work as a team to deal with inevitable interactions like these.

Ella and Roo

Ella has a special friend - a little purple puppy she affectionately calls Roo, after the young kangaroo character from Winnie the Pooh.  Ella loves Roo and is with him nearly all day and night.  She brings him wherever she goes.  If she happens to forget about him, she will ask, "Where Roo go?... Roo crying!" and run to find him.  When she is not dressing Roo or changing his bum, she is carrying him in the "baby carrier."

She has found so many ways to carry Roo.  I see now how silly those play baby carriers are for kids that one can buy.  Who needs 'em?  All you need is a scarf, blanket or in this case a removable apron strap.

The other type of baby carrier that Ella uses is a "pouch," which of course is appropriate for a small purple kangaroo. 

Here she is with Roo in the pouch but covered with a long shirt.  I love how she has her arms around her Roo-filled pouch, just like a pregnant woman.  She is so nurturing and affectionate with her "babies."

I was so impressed with this one.  I guess there wasn't enough space in her jeans so she grabbed her bathing suit and put it on. 

She also loves to "feed" Roo.  You can't really see it here but she has her shirt pulled down from the top to expose her nipple so she can line Roo up just right.  After all, positioning is important for a good latch.  ;-)  I have my good friend Hanna to thank for modeling this effective, over the top (no pun intended), nursing style.

She is so into Winnie the Pooh these days.  She has adapted Pooh's common expression of "Rumbly in my tumbly" and has made it her own.  She often lifts her shirt, rubs her tummy and says, "Oh YES! Tummy rumble!!" And it is the cutest thing ever. 

She is such a precious girl.  I am enjoying her so much.

Sunday Morning Snapshot

It's a rainy morning but that didn't stop Ella's morning walk with her Daddy

Oh the joy of morning coffee...
(roasted by our very own brother-in-law)

And helpers in the kitchen

Cornmeal whole wheat pancakes with pears and cinnamon
are made complete with Nova Scotia maple syrup

Happy girl loves her bacon and syrup with a little pancake on the side

Midwifery is 'With Woman'

A mother of four prays for rice.  She doesn't have enough to feed her kids.  She had a baby last month. Her husband is out of work.  There is a job.  It's his, but only if he can come up with 300 pesos up-front for a uniform.

I have never gone unwillingly without food.  I have no idea what it's like to be hungry and wonder where my next meal will come from, much less worry about my children's next meal.  I want to have a baby so badly and often wonder why it is so difficult for us when there are plenty of women out there who have more than they would have chosen.  Our stories and experiences could not be more different.

She is my friend, inasmuch as I've been given the opportunity to come alongside her during her pregnancy, to add to the minimal prenatal care she was receiving - to pray for her during her labor and to help her pay her clinic bill so she can go home the day after she delivered a healthy baby boy.  I checked on them a few days after she delivered to screen for any problems since the private clinic told her to come back after a week... so they could remove the cord clamp.  She and her husband saved one-third of the clinic's normal delivery cost during her pregnancy and that was not easy for them.  By the grace of God her husband had work during that time.

To deliver with a trained midwife at a private clinic or a doctor at the public hospital (and both options can be sketchy) it costs at least 3,000 pesos ($70 USD) if everything goes normally.  When urban poor Filipinos live on less than $2 USD a day, how can they be expected to afford basic maternity care? And when things go wrong?. . . 

I cared for her during her last pregnancy three years ago, back when I was still only dreaming of becoming a mom.  Her labor was long.  Too long for the protocols at the clinic where I worked so she had to be transferred to hospital.  I made sure she and her husband had what they needed to deliver there and she ended up delivering normally without any augmentation.  They were so grateful they gave me a beautiful silver necklace with a bamboo and silver charm in the shape of a slipper.  I didn't want to take it but knew it was their way of doing what they could to pay me back so I received it with joy.

I want to be with woman nearly as much as I want to be with child.  When I care for a woman such as this I find myself in an overly-enthusiastic, nearly-giddy state.  These people must think I'm crazy, I tell myself, but they already do - not because of my over-excitement at getting to do a baby and mom check-up after my first 16 months of motherhood, but because I do not fit their presuppositions about white women.

Being white is synonymous with being rich and while compared to them I am exceptionally rich, it's true that I don't fit the description of a rich mommy in the Philippines because I don't bring my nanny along or even have one and I do drive my own car, a dirty one at that.  In the Philippines, if you can afford a car you can afford a driver, and a driver then keeps your car pristine and clean at all times. Image is highly-valued by Filipinos and I pretty much drive around town in a car that looks like it just drove in from a long road trip...  all the way from America. 

I've been doing a lot of day-dreaming and praying lately.  I LOVE being a mom but I also recently realized that I REALLY miss working as a midwife.  I want to come alongside women in my neighborhood as they walk through pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period.  I want to become their friend, learn about their lives and see where it leads. 

A little bit about food on a fertile island in the Tropics

I'm glad we reached the end of the leftover holiday treats. Me pants are a bit tight, ya know?

I'm feeling quite happy about being back into the regular routine as far as eating goes. Somehow we got out of the habit of our meatless Mondays. We do often have meatless meals but sometimes we can forget to make dinner a meatless meal. I like the weekly reminder to cut the meat and find some new and fun veggie recipes. Some of my very favorite cookbooks are the Moosewood Restaurant series. They are probably my most used cook books, especially the Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home, Moosewood Low-Fat Favorites, and Moosewood Celebrates. So good.

So I stocked up on a few days worth of produce at the local market this morning. I am amazed at how much I can get for 300 pesos ($7 USD). All of this is grown (save the apples and mandarin oranges) on Cebu Island. I can point to the mountain where these mangoes were grown. I love that if we need to save money on the food budget, all we need to do is eat simply using more stuff available at the market. I often buy fish there as well (if I can get there in the morning since the fish is not on ice) and can get 8 small fish (enough for two lunches for me and Ella) for about 20 pesos.

For 7 bucks I got 1.5 kilos of some of the most delicious mangoes in the world, 6 mandarin oranges, 6 Fuji apples, 2 carrots, long beans, 2 eggplants, some pumpkin-like squash, tomatoes, a handful of chili peppers, 1/2 kilo of water spinach, kamote tops (greens of the local sweet potato), plum tomatoes and the shredded meat of one small coconut, which I used to make fresh coconut milk for our dinner tonight. 

What's on the menu? (From Moosewood Celebrates)

Red lentils & brown rice

Mango chutney

Curried greens with cashews

Ella and I went outside for a bit and I noticed the papaya tree we had cut down in November is back in full-force. These papaya trees grow like weeds here! It's nice to have fresh papaya but I have a hard time keeping up with it all and much of it ends up falling to the ground and rotting in the hot sun. Not a nice smell. Maybe I should sell some at the market down the street. Unfortunately it's not the best papaya. My neighbors like to make achara (pickled papaya) with the unripe papaya but I don't enjoy it much. My favorite is the red lady papaya that I can find at the supermarket for about 20 pesos. It's oh so sweet and Ella loves it.

A little fun in the sand box before lunch

Today's lunch: Crispy fried fish, rice, bananas and mangoes.

 

What are some of your most used and loved cookbooks?

2011 in Pictures (and a bit more)

2011 was a fantastic and memorable year and I am so thankful for what we've experienced and learned.

Much has changed in our first full year together as a family.  Our girl has made huge strides in her level of confidence and security.  Andrey has grown as a Dad.  His relationship with Ella went from guarded and distant (on her part) to a moment on New Year's Eve when I tried to take her from him so he could drive some people home and she clung to him and cried, "Neeeeeeed Dadddy!"

Andrey and I have gotten better at caring for our relationship now that we are parents.  After eight years of just us, we know we have to work at it now and we're getting better at it.  I've changed a lot too.  I started the year feeling unconfident in my abilities as a new mom and struggled with anger and control.  I received some prayer and have worked hard to walk out the healing I experienced.  Today I feel more free and more like my true self than ever before. Thank you, Jesus!

Now to recap the year... with all its travel and firsts.

Malapascua in January with friends

Ella met Mimi for the first time in February when she came to Cebu

Back to our favorite beach spot in Moalboal in February

First international flight to the US in March

First road trip in the RV with Grandma and Grandpa

First time meeting Papa

Finalization of the adoption in April

 

Family time in North Carolina in May

Ella and her cousin Annika started a lifelong friendship

My first Mother's Day

Ella discovered a love for pecans and PJs at Mimi and Papa's house

Family Reunion Easter weekend in Alabama

Ella's first baseball game (and NY Yankees hat, thanks to my dad)

Back in Cebu: Andrey's first Father's Day

 Ella got LOTS of pool time throughout the year

First tricycle

Another beach trip in July

First tennis game in a very long time with good buddy Charlotte
(I won, but not by much; Charlotte made we work for it)

Ella's third birthday family dinner in September.  And yes, we always give her beer.

My first Scuba dive during a retreat with the organization my husband works for

Ella's first trip to Canada in October and first experience with snow

First family photo shoot

Fun times with Annika during our time in Canada

 

First horsey ride

First time meeting Grandma GG (and all our other wonderful relatives in Canada)

 

Ella and I began spending lots of time with new friends Hanna, Tessi and baby Gabe in October

Ella loves baby Gabe, like seriously loves him. Talks about him all the time. Cares for her baby dolls who she pretends are baby Gabe. Will pick him up like she does our cat if you turn your back for even a second with baby Gabe within reach. Having said that, she is very gentle and sweet with him.

 

A few of Hanna's shots from a trip to Crocolandia (who knew Cebu has the Philippine's largest crocodile? That was a little freaky)

 

Trip to Bantayan Island for Andrey's birthday

It was this trip when we realized that Ella really knows how to swim

 

During the last days of the year we took one last beach trip to our favorite spot in Moalboal with some great friends. We took a boat trip and spent many hours playing on the beach and in the pool.

Look at that starfish Ella!

Sweet daddy-daughter times

We have such great friends!!

 Happy New Year!