Grace and Redemption - A Great Day

I am happy to report that today was a much better day. If it weren't for Andrey talking me through a few of those rough spots and for all of your prayers, I think I would go crazy. That was a scary feeling.
I realize now,

• I had prepared myself for being rejected by my child but didn't prepare myself for being the primary caregiver and how demanding it is. Naturally, it is taking me a bit of time to step into this new role. I didn't realize how much I'd have to give up to do it well. I'm willing of course, and this little one is well worth it - there was just a big part of me that had a hard time accepting this new reality.
• Just because something works a few times doesn't mean it is going to work again. I now know I must have very loosely-held, low expectations each day. The past few days were hard partly because I just couldn't understand why what I had done before wasn't working and I was ill prepared for handling things when they didn't go as planned (nor the strong emotions that accompanied them), but the mistakes and failings in how I handled these challenges served to break me down enough to allow me to start fresh today with new insight.
• I had temporarily lost sight of what must be going on in Michella's heart and mind. I feel renewed in my ability to remain empathetic toward her and care for her in the way she needs right now.

We had a really rough night last night. We didn't really get to sleep in earnest till 3 am. Thankfully, we slept till 7:30 together. I'd say we both did pretty great today considering our short night. Here is much of the day in photos.

Morning play time. I was surprised that she didn't mind me snapping a few photogs.

Michella loves the cats and is constantly attracted to them throughout the day. Here she is reaching for Gerald's tail, only to pull her hand back each time as soon as she touches it while giggling with delight. This is a daily occurrence now.

I love this photo. I also love the dimple on her right cheek I discovered when she started laughing. She can be quite silly and we do a lot of laughing together every day. She cracks me up!

Michella has become quite verbal over the past few days, with me anyway. In our play times together I have heard her say, hello, bye-bye, init (hot), indi (no), baby, and dada? (She has said this a few times when pointing to a photo of Andrey.) I read a bit about normal developmental milestones in the 2-year-old. She seems to be on target in her gross and fine motor skills but is clearly behind in language, although it is too early to tell what is just due to the major transition she is experiencing. Besides, there have been changes in languages with each caregiver she's had so it is understandable that she would be a little behind in this department. We are confident in time she will catch-up. Her progress so far (at least with me), is already more than we expected.

A little impromptu post-breakfast naptime. We love how her belly looks so big in this photo and how she is resting her arm on it. She eats a lot.

This is not a great photo but I posted it because of the look on Michella's face as she is laughing here.

Michella and I went outside to walk and play and she was in a very energetic, playful mood (although not wanting to be put down to walk or run like she did yesterday when she chased me and ran for a while and loved it). Michella (not knowing Andrey was there taking photos) kissed me for the first time! How wonderful! She first kissed my cheek, then when I turned to her looking very happy she kissed me twice on the lips. That was when we both noticed Andrey with the camera so she quickly withdrew.

If Andrey is not near, Michella is okay with hanging out on the counter while I cook. Her head is down because I picked up the camera. Here she is playing with the salt shaker, which up until this point had been only shaken for fun but not opened. She put some salt on her hand and then licked it and looked at me with an unsure look on her face about what she was tasting then would quickly start to laugh a loud, "Ha! Ha!" with her mouth wide open before doing it again. Don't worry, I stopped her as soon as she poured about 1/2 tsp in her water and started drinking it. She thought that was hilarious, too. Probably just because she was getting a reaction out of me.

Just as Andrey was finishing dinner for me because Michella was done with sitting on the counter, I held her and swayed to a Ron Sexsmith song called "Never Give up." The words were so appropriate that it brought me to tears as I felt overwhelmed with emotion. It was a mixture of relief for the redemption and grace I had experienced today after the mistakes and failings of yesterday and a welling up of a love that seems to have grown a bit plumper for this little girl. As I sang the words of this song I was making a commitment.

Never give up on you

The world may try to break us in two

I'd never give up on you, darlin'

Whatever I do