Blind Beggar Recovers Sight!

Tonight we were approached at a stop light by a woman who appeared to be blind begging with the assistance of a young boy. We rolled down the window and greeted them and offered some packages of peanuts. "Hello! Would you like some peanuts?" They both smiled and I could see the "blind" woman's eye crack open a little to see where these strange voices were coming from. Then she tilted her head and squinted both eyes open just enough to really check us out as she walked away. I guess the sounds of two foreigners were just too interesting not to get a good look at. Andrey and I found this very amusing. Your gig is up lady but we would have given you peanuts anyway.

Correction

Please excuse my mistake. 1,156,897,766 is over 1 billion, not over 1 trillion as I originally posted in my list of facts about India. Clearly I get lost when there are more than a few zeros. For all I know there are a kazillion people around here! It's crowded!

The Republic of India

Andrey and I are going to India for two weeks on Monday. We've known for a little while that Andrey would be traveling to four cities in India this month to visit other offices with his boss. It never occurred to me to go with him until a spouse of one of the directors encouraged me to come. It didn't take long to realize this was a great opportunity that wouldn't be easy to pass up. I certainly won't have the same freedom once the kiddos come along. Besides, more stuff to keep me distracted while we wait, the better. The trip will take us to Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai, and Kolkata.

Neither of us have ever been to India. We both feel it is something we just need to experience. I'm so glad we'll get to do that together. Andrey will be busy most days with work stuff, which means I'll have a lot of free time to explore and hang out with the few people I know. Fortunately, I've had the opportunity to get to know a few of the spouses of other field directors in Chennai and Bangalore, and they both have offered to host us and hang out with me while we're in town. In Mumbai we'll get to meet and hang out with a couple of women introduced to us by some of our friends in our church community here in Cebu. They have a midwifery/doula business in Mumbai and are involved in numerous outreaches to the poor. They have agreed to let us join them for a few days and see what they do. We'll have some time in Mumbai at the end of our trip when Andrey is finished with work and we can explore the city together before we head back to Cebu.

For a country that represents such a huge proportion of the world's population (and the world's poor), I figure I should know a few things about it.

India Facts
(taken from The CIA World Factbook: www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/ unless otherwise noted)

• India's population of 1,156,897,766 (that's over 1 trillion!) is second only to China for the world's most populated country (July 2009 est.)

• India has 3.75 times as many people as the US in about a third the amount of land as the US

• Maternal mortality rate: 540 per 100,000 live births (Compare to 200 in the Philippines, 14 in the US, 5 in Canada) World Health Organization
  

• Infant mortality rate: 50.78 per 100,000 live births (Compare to 20.56 in the Philippines, 6.22 in the US, 5.04 in Canada)

• Fertility rate (average number of children per woman): 2.68 (Compare to 3.27 in the Philippines, 2.05 in the US, 1.58 in Canada. The country with the highest fertility rate is Niger, 7.75)

• Religions: Hindu 80.5%, Muslim 13.4%, Christian 2.3%, Sikh 1.9%, other 1.8%, unspecified 0.1% (2001 census)

• Languages: English enjoys the status of subsidiary official language but is the most important language for national, political, and commercial communication; Hindi is the most widely spoken language and primary tongue of 41% of the people; there are 14 other official languages: Bengali, Telugu, Marathi, Tamil, Urdu, Gujarati, Malayalam, Kannada, Oriya, Punjabi, Assamese, Kashmiri, Sindhi, and Sanskrit; Hindustani is a popular variant of Hindi/Urdu spoken widely throughout northern India but is not an official language (2001 census)

• Capitol of India: New Delhi

• Government type: Federal republic

• Gained independence from the UK in 1947

• Legal system: Based on English common law; judicial review of legislative acts; separate personal law codes apply to Christians, Hindus, and Muslims

"Brown Out" during the Night Shift

I'm not sure why Filipinos call a power outage a brown out. When the power goes out in the Philippines, there isn't even a little power coming through. There is simply no power. Last night while at work at the clinic, we had a "brown out."

Thankfully my patient delivered ~30 minutes before the delivery room went dark (and I might add that she delivered ~30 minutes after I arrived and was told she was only 4 centimeters dilated and not in active labor! Just goes to show you should never think you know how fast or how slow a woman will have her baby. And you better listen when a woman says she's needs to push. At least there is usually a very clear difference between a 'i think maybe i need to push' urge and the urge that can. not. be. stopped. That baby is coming! Can you say 'precipitous labor'!?). It was already oppressively hot. Accompany that with the loss of the electric fan and the sweat that was already beading on my forehead quickly began pouring down my face as well as every bodily crevice. Breathable cotton undergarments? That don't make no difference when they're drenched, child. Believe you me.

Ode to hot season in the Philippines

There is a heat the rest of the year that becomes bearable. That not when it's summertime in the Philippines. The word hot takes on new meaning. "I don't remember it being this bad last year!" Oh how quickly we forget.

Summertime.

When you daydream about a city-sized dehumidifier. When the aircon barely makes a dent and the electric fan becomes a must add-on. When you uncharacteristically desire a walk by the river on a windy winter day in Saskatoon. When you lose your mind with disgust for your present stickiness and plan your days to stay close to home and that "cold" shower. When the cold shower isn't cold anymore!!! When you resort to drinking salt water to replace the massive salty water loss. When you can drink 4 glasses of water in 15 minutes and still not have the urge to pee! When looking on the bright side has you thinking, "I must at least be sweating out some toxins!"

Our brown out, which lasted about an hour afforded me the unique opportunity to suture in a very romantic setting - by candle light. The only thing is, you can't get the light source very close to the patient or you will sacrifice the sterile field (or light your patient on fire). Thankfully we also had a small flashlight and an extra visiting volunteer to hold it while I sutured. This was a first for me. The power came on just as I was tying off so I was able to inspect the stitches clearly to ensure I did a decent enough job. Success.

Our patient is positive for hepatitis B but did not prepare the essential immunoglobulin injection for her baby after months of reminders. They simply didn't have the money. And the clinic just so happened to be out of hepatitis B vaccine, which all babies get. When the clinic is out of hepa-B vaccine it usually reflects a city or province-wide shortage as sometimes even the Department of Health is "out of stock." Nice. This baby first needed the hepatitis B vaccine injection, to be followed by the immunoglobulin 6-12 hours later.

What to do? We sent the patient's husband out to look for the vaccine with borrowed money from the clinic. The patient and her husband only had 500 pesos (~$11) to their name. It was after 10 pm. He didn't come back till after 11:30 reporting the pharmacies he went to were out of stock. This baby really needed this vaccine.

Thankfully I had my car. He and I went to seven different pharmacies before we found the vaccine. It took over an hour, driving all around town to find it. Thank God we did.

That was my first shift since the end of March (what a way to come back to work!) and my last 12-hour shift in a while. We are trying out a new schedule format next month with 8-9 hour shifts. At least then I will be showering off 9 hours of unimpeded sweat instead of 12. I wonder if I will notice a difference.

Getting Ready for Baby

Since we found out that we'll only have a few weeks after getting the call till we can pick up our child, we've been in serious baby preparation mode. We've been working on a few house projects getting our new room (we'll be moving into the guest bedroom that adjoins to the baby room) ready, as well as the baby room and the bathroom that connects the two rooms. We've added shelves, re-grouted tiles, replaced parts of the wood floor and old wall panels. We installed a hand bidet (which will double as a diaper sprayer). Once these projects are done we'll move into our new room and will be able to get the baby room all set up with the crib/toddler bed we bought. Then we'll get the shelves organized and filled with what we have for a child of unknown age, size, and gender. So what does one buy for such an unknown child? Things like clothes can not be bought yet but there are plenty of other things we've been able to prepare. This has served as a welcome distraction during our waiting.

On our recent trip the US, we were able to bring back LOTS of baby stuff that I either ordered, shopped for, or was given by grandparents, aunts & uncles. I can't remember being so excited about stuff before!

Andrey doesn't get this but when I buy something new I love to show him what I got. Since you are all so far away (you, being all the ladies in my life that would actually be interested in this), I will do a little show and tell here. And perhaps it will serve as a list to other adopted parents of things they can prepare prior to know the exact age/gender of their child.

Diapers

I've decided to try out two systems. Pocket diapers and prefolds with covers.

• 14 one-size pocket diapers, Babyland brand. They came with 28 inserts.

• A dozen cotton prefolds - size medium
  

• Two Thirsties diaper covers - size medium (for 15-30 pounds, which should cover an average baby from 6 months to 2 years)

• Two Bummis Super Whisper Wraps - size medium

• I also got a couple of nylon pull on pants (super cheap) that I figured were worth a try. I read some use them as extra protection for over night.
  

• I also bought this adorable little swim diaper. I bought a baby blue long-sleeved swim top (also called a rash guard) to go with it. It only came in a size for age 1 but I couldn't pass it up. If it's too small for our child, we'll give it to our adorable niece Annika.
  

Diaper accessories

• Diaper pail liner - Planet Wise. I got two so I have another to use while the one is in the wash with the dirty diapers.
  

• Dirty diaper bags - for travel
  

Natural Baby Co. - holds 2-3 diapers, great for short day trips

Planet Wise wet/dry bag - holds ~20 diapers, for overnight trips

• Snappi diaper fasteners - for the prefolds
  

• Bummis Bio-Soft flushable liners - biodegradable inserts for use inside diapers so solids are easily flushed away. I have a few friends who really like using these.
  

• Cloth baby wipes - My Aunt and my Mom made me dozens of cloth wipes. The photo here is what my Aunt made - all from leftover fabric she had lying around. With what my mom made (she made me some wipes out of soft sherpa fabric, which is so soft!), I think we are covered as far as wipes and washcloths go. They also stocked us up on some very cute burp rags. Thanks Mom and Jan!

• Diaper bag - Skip Hop Deluxe Duo. I asked Andrey if this print was neutral enough for him to not mind carrying. He agreed at the time but I now wonder if it is neutral enough. Too late now. I just love this print and it will go with everything and will double as a purse as well.
  

Toiletries

• Diaper rash cream, body wash/shampoo, baby wipe spray and some supplies to make my own (witch hazel, tea tree oil, lavender...), spray-on sunblock for kids, nail clippers

Medicine

• Last year I stocked up on a few herbal remedies for kids. Cough syrup, boo boo spray, immune support. These are things I can't just run out for when I have a sick kid. Of course we have pharmacies here with plenty of allopathic remedies but I'd like to do what I can with herbs first before I resort to pharmaceuticals.
  

Crib Bedding

• My brothers and sisters-in-law in Florida gave us two organic cotton fitted crib sheets in light brown and beige and a waterproof crib mattress cover, which I love. (Thank you Paul, Laura, Luke & Tonya!!)
  
• I bought a few light-weight receiving blankets in these prints
  

Feeding Supplies

• Sets of BPA-free plastic plates, bowls, travel containers for snacks, and a sippy cup with handles
  
• Kleen Kanteen water sippy (They come in different colors but I got stainless to match my adult version water bottle that I use everyday. So silly but I don't care. I love things that match.)
  

Baby Carriers

• Moby Wrap: My mother-in-law bought this for me about 4 years ago. Thanks, Mom! I can't wait to put your second grandchild in it! Although it does look a little warm - maybe I can use it when we go to Canada :-)
  

• Ergot Baby Carrier - Dear friends Colleen and Taj (Thanks ladies!!) pitched in to help me buy this carrier. I've had so many friends tell me how much they love theirs. I got one in chocolate brown.
  

Books: Thanks to our gracious parents, aunts, uncles and cousins, we have LOTS of children's books. I love the stock we are creating. Will need to get a book shelf for them. I'm going to start looking for some adoption-related story books, too. I've heard of some great ones out there. Thank you Moms, Mike, Lisa, Kit, Allen, Brenda, Wayne, Mairin, Alex, Graham, Joel & Katya!

We also have been given by our parents, Andrey's grandmother and cousins an assortment of knitted blankets, quilts (Andrey's mom made us a gorgeous quilt big enough for a double bed - amazing!), and hand-crocheted/knitted stuffed animals. Thank you Katya. Thank you Grandma. Thank you, Mom. We are so blessed!!

Things we plan to buy after we get matched

• Stroller & Car seat - will have the first grandparents who visit bring these from the States (much cheaper!)
  
• Feeding booster - can buy here
• Baby monitor - depending on age of child, can buy here
• Pack 'n Play?
  
• Clothes (of course!) - can't wait till I can buy clothes!
  
• A few toys
  
• Safety supplies (plastic socket covers and stuff like that - not exactly sure what else we'll need)

Am I forgetting anything?

In adoption time-line news, I recently heard that the Philippines Adoption Board is extending wait times from up to 24 months to up to 30 months. I know of two other couples, who like us don't have any kids yet (childless families usually get priority over those with other children). One has been waiting 22 months without a match, the other 21. Of course we have no idea what will happen but we're thinking it will more likely be toward the end of this year. We were told a wait time of 12-24 months but other families were told 18-24 months and most recently 18-30 months. May 8 will be 17 months for us.

Family Time Photos

We had a wonderful week in Virginia with family. Naturally, there are a LOT of photos of our newest niece, Annika. I told you she was cute!

Adoption Stories

This past weekend at the conference we attended I was blown away by the many people I met who have adopted internationally. It felt like all the adoptive families were coming out of the woodwork to find me and tell me their story and that they are praying for us. I felt so blessed and encouraged.

Two stories in particular, really encouraged me. (I won't go into much detail as I haven't asked permission to share their stories.)

I met a woman, similar age to me, married a similar number of years, no biological children, who adopted internationally a year ago. She and her husband went to the Eastern Europe planning to bring home two children and ended up with four. Her story was rich with joy and thankfulness for what God has done. Meeting her reminded me to remain open to whatever the Lord has for us in this adoption - be it one or two (or more!) children. This came at a good time as I have been stressing out lately about the idea of two children, not feeling sure I'm ready for it if it happens. Her story has put this in perspective for me. Meeting her was great as she's the first adoptive mother I'm met that doesn't already have a biological child. I could really relate to her.

Andrey and I were introduced to an American couple who struggled for years to have a baby. They have endured a huge amount of loss in their journey to become parents. They shared with us how they were presented with a choice between continuing to pursue fertility or applying for a job that may take them overseas to a country where fertility specialists are not available. They prayed and made the difficult decision to relinquish their hopes of a successful pregnancy in order to follow where they felt God was leading them. Not long after, they were shocked to learn that she had become pregnant for the first time without the help of fertility treatment and she is currently well into her pregnancy. A total miracle! Even though I was meeting this couple for the first time I couldn't help but tear up when I heard their story. I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness. We then shared a bit of our story with them and they prayed for us and our desire to become parents, which really blessed us. Another divine connection.

These are just a few experiences from this past weekend that served to remind us that our Creator is so involved in every detail of our lives and our hopes for a family. It confirmed to me that we are exactly where we are meant to be. There is much more to share but the point is that when we release our deep desires to God and let him bring about his purpose in our lives in his timing and in his way, there is a greater joy and blessing in it than if we hold tightly to our plans and make them happen in our own strength. I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him
and he will direct your paths
Proverbs 3:5-6

Quick Update

We flew to the D.C. area last week. We come here every year to attend the annual meeting/conference/retreat related to Andrey's work. The actual work-related events last about nine days in total for Andrey and involve me for about five of those. We usually tack on about a week in order to spend some time with family who travel to the area to see us. This year, Andrey's parents have arranged for us to stay in a cabin in Virginia with Andrey's sister, her husband and their new baby, Annika. It is just plain wrong to move on to the next paragraph without a word or twenty about Annika.

The first grandchild for Andrey's parents, Annika has been referred to as "the joy bringer." As we have gotten to know her this past week, I think this description is the most fitting of this five-month-old little girl. We loved her long before we met her for the first time in person this week. She is, we think and declare proudly, the cutest baby ever (no offense to other babies out there!). She seeks out eye contact and smiles at any of us who come near. She is the picture of health - chunky thighs, double chin, delicious skin, rosy fat cheeks, and bright eyes (gorgeous ocean-blue) and a smile that turns you to mush. And that hair! She has a ton of hair that is endearingly a borderline baby mullet. Precious, long-prayed-for, rejoiced over, joyful, bright, genuinely happy, content, secure, well-loved. These are a few adjectives that come to mind after spending just a few days with this little joy bringer. Mike and Lisa have agreed to let me post a few pics of her, which I plan to do once I am working on a computer that has both my photos on it and access to the internet. That will have to wait for now but I just want to say that it is so refreshing to be around a baby like Annika. Her parents are doing an excellent job at caring for her.

This weekend, my mom and aunt will join us. They are bringing lots of baby stuff with them, including more than a few home made cloth baby wipes. They both love to sew and were asking me what kind of stuff they could make. I can't wait to see what they brought! I began listing all the baby prep activities we were up to prior to this trip but decided it's best to devote a separate post to that.

Tomorrow we drive to the city, where we'll be till we leave on the 17th. I won't have access to the internet very often while in the hotel so I'll be out of touch for at least the next few days.

Tomorrow also marks 16 months of waiting since our approved adoptive parents status came to be. We are quickly approaching the average 18 months wait from approval to match but I regularly hear of families who wait much longer than the average. For instance, I recently read on the adoption group we belong to about a few families who are waiting 22 or more months and counting. I just wish I knew even a ball-park figure of how much longer. A couple of months more? Another 6 months? Unfortunately with adoption the long sought-after hour can not be known. All I know is each day brings us closer. Each day gives me more time to get my shit together. More time for learning perserverence and patience, I suppose. I should have plenty of character by the end of this wait. And then the true challenge and growth begins. The challenge of parenting a child I know nothing about, who will come to us with their own personality, experiences, hurts, uniqueness, quirks. That will present joys and challenges of its own. Maybe I'm okay with waiting a little while longer. All I really want is about another month to get the baby room organized. Of course I'll be happy if we got the call tomorrow but getting a few things organized will help reduce my anxiety level, which is worth a lot to me given the big unknown we are headed for.

A Birth Mother

This week at the clinic a woman delivered a baby boy. She held him and breastfed him for the first hour of his life. During his first day he didn't have a name. The staff at Glory Reborn named him John. John's mother made the very difficult decision to give him up for adoption. She made the decision during her pregnancy due to financial reasons.

John's mother is a 34-year-old with two other children. She has an elementary school level education and is estranged from her husband. She knew she wasn't able to properly care for another child.

We had initially thought that baby John would go to one of the local orphanages the day after he was born (where he would likely be adopted from internationally) but the orphanage first needed to screen the mother for HIV, so the baby had to stay at Glory Reborn for another day. The mother also was not yet discharged. The staff took care of baby John while the mother rested alone. She initially was using a bed in our postpartum room with other moms and their babies.

On Wednesday evening during the night shift she heard her baby crying and fussing and she walked around the clinic looking for her baby. Hilary was in the midwives room feeding John. The mother asked me if she could see her baby. I said, "Of course." I brought her into the room where her child was being held and cared for. He was fussy and my gut feeling told me he knew that something was amiss. Where was his mother? Where was her smell? Her warmth? Her voice? This little seven pound infant must know that he's lost the only thing he's known in his short existence.

As John's mother looked at him she started to cry. With my hand on her shoulder I told her, "Talk to him. He would love to hear your voice." She looked at him and spoke a few soft words - something like, "Hi baby. It's okay baby." Something amazing happened. John immediately calmed. He opened his eyes and looked directly at her face. There was a knowing in his eyes. A knowing who this person was. It was the person he longed for. We stood there with this mother, looking at her baby and crying for what felt like an hour. We asked her if she would like to move downstairs so she wouldn't have to be around the other babies and wouldn't hear her baby crying as much either. She agreed.

When I let myself really think about this I cry. A deep, grief-filled cry. I cry and grieve the fact that this woman is in a position to have to make such a difficult choice because of poverty. I cry about this child losing the most significant person in his life and how this must impact him and how it will impact him for the rest of his life.

I tried to encourage this mother by telling her that I know several families who are adopting babies like hers and that he will be very well cared for. I told her I admired her for her decision and how incredibly difficult it must be. I don't know if I would be as brave as this woman. But as much as I know how loved this child will likely be, I still can not feel like this is the way it should be. It just isn't. Ideally, this woman would have been able to make the choice to not have another baby and would have had access to affordable family planning options. Second to that, this woman should be able to keep her baby and get the help she needs to care for him. Of course, when these things aren't options, then I think adoption is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

But I feel as if I've witnessed something very special. The love of a birth mother. And her difficulty in giving him up. I will cherish this experience. For it's possible that our child will come to us with no known history. One day I will share this story with my child, to help them understand what their birth mother must have gone through.

To Really Live...

Some days I feel I am wasting precious time. Something tells me it's because I am. I can get so wrapped up in "my life" that being challenged to go out of my way for another offends me. Sure it is easy to serve the people I really like - anyone can do that - but to serve those not in my immediate circle and those who are not easy to love? Oh the wretchedness of self! As a Christian I have erroneously believed that I'd reached this place of selflessness and once there, I was changed forever - immune to the onslaughts of self. Oh how wrong this is.

How quickly I forget my desperate need for Christ - his resurrection power, his Spirit - and how essential staying tapped into it is, to being willing to lay down my life. Clearly, left to my own devices, I end up living according to the default modus operandis. My default m.o. is that of self. Self-centered, self-focused, straight up selfishness. Sometimes I put a convincing shiny gloss over it and try to call it something else but deep down I know what it really is.

I can not passively expect transformation to selflessness. The only way to combat selfishness is to actively choose daily to live according to a different force. The power of the Spirit. Only then can I follow Jesus' example and live like he did, literally pouring out his life for the broken, the hurting, the prisoners, the exploited - those in bondage to sin and culture and generational curses and poverty.

The same power that raised Christ from the dead supposedly lives in me. Do I really believe this? Sadly, my life doesn't always make that fact clear. It's not enough to know it's there. I have to choose daily to access it and live according to it. Only then will I be able to see and hear the words and leading of the One who calls me beloved. Only then will I have the courage and selflessness to act.

Jesus said,

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it."

I've never liked this verse. It's too challenging. Too difficult to understand (is it?). Surely it must not mean what it sounds like it means. I have rationalized and diluted its meaning for years. I all too often tend to give and serve when it's convenient. I give out of my abundance and then pat myself on the back when I do. Blech!

But today, what I am hearing is that I must not spend my energy on protecting this life of mine, to build it up, to improve it, to save it - strictly for the comfort of it. No. I must give it away. Lay it down. For me this begins with laying down my to-do list, my schedule, what I guard and regard as "my time." It also means living with less and giving away more.

Everywhere I look it's the same message.

"Those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples" Luke 14: 33

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant..." Philippians 2:1-7

"Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did." 1 John 2:6

"This how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another. If any one of you has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in you? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

I have believed for some time that I should wait until these things come naturally - until I am compelled by my compassion to act. And at times I do. I am learning that this doesn't always just happen and when it does, it not often enough. I have to decide it and takes steps toward it and structure my life in a way that is conducive to laying it down.

[By the way, I am not talking about working to earn my salvation. For I "have been saved by grace, through faith - and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) I know this well for it was heavily stamped into my mind as a child when I memorized this verse at church in Awana. Frankly, the emphasis on this verse freed me from feeling guilty about my life not looking any different after I "got saved." I was taught that if any "works" were of the wrong motivation, they would just be "filthy rags" before the Lord (from Isaiah 64: 6). This was a good thing to learn. Of course we can not earn God's love or our salvation but for some reason something I heard made me think it didn't matter that much about how I lived, as long as I really knew I was saved. I had heard somewhere that if I doubted my salvation, it meant I wasn't really saved and so I did my best to feel sure. I must have "prayed the sinner's prayer" numerous times in those early years. Besides the basic issues of moral behavior (no swearing, no drinking, no sex before marriage), the only imperative I knew about after I received Jesus and for many years afterward, was evangelism. You as a Christian must do this - regardless of how loving or unloving you go about it. (After trying unsuccessfully to convert my friends and get them to pray the sinners prayer in junior high, I promptly gave up and opted for being cool, which at the time, was easier for me to attain. I have felt a tremendous amount of guilt over the years for never having gotten anyone "saved." What a failure. For most of my youth I just went along living my nominal Christian life like my friends did and sadly like I saw other Christians doing. After all, I'm saved aren't I? So what's wrong with having a little fun?) But what about the very next verse in Ephesians? Why didn't we memorize this as well as it is clearly an integral and connected part of this passage? "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."!!! Ephesians 2:10]

What about that?? Are we just wooden pieces that get moved around by God the Grand Chess Player as one of his pawns? I don't believe so. He has given us the ability to choose and decide. We have our will after all. And there are always consequences to our decisions - both positive and negative - that affect us, the people around us, and the world in general.

Is it possible that we might miss out - or more importantly, that others might miss out on experiencing Jesus' life and peace and rescue and healing if we don't act? Although I hate to admit it, I think so.

So am I to go around feverishly trying to help all the broken and hurting people around me? Impossible! I could spend every waking hour of every day for the rest of my life and still not reach them all. So how do I know who to go to in the name of Jesus? Who to encourage, who to pray for, who to share food with, who to help with their medical bills when everywhere I go there are needy people. The main point though, even if I don't get it right all the time, is to do something. The worst thing is to not do anything, which is just so tempting!!!

That is why I must DAILY commune with God's Spirit. So that I can see and hear and act according to that. And also so that I can act out of his power, his love, his rest, and not out of my own strength and striving, which will just end me up jaded, bitter and burnt out. Jesus did what he saw the Father doing. So we also must. And in order to see and hear, we must be looking and listening. We must be willing to risk and practice. And in order to live from his strength and power, we must draw close to him, learning to rest in him daily. I think this is where I continually get off-track. How many times do I have to be reminded of the same thing until I get it!? The key is to not feel condemned and give up but to accept God's mercy and take comfort from the life of amazingly effective ministers like Paul who, in expressing his frustration with the power of the sin nature in his own life said, "What a wretched man I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" And to that he says in the very next verse, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 7:24-25)

I regularly get wrapped up and distracted by my own needs and desires that I stop looking and listening. And I forget that I need God's strength and so I live out of my own and end up weary. And I have learned not to do something out of obligation or guilt as something done without love is useless. But when I give up all together, this is when I waste precious time. Time that could be used to be Christ incarnate to a hurting, starving, suffering, empty, evil world. How else will the world know God? It's not enough that I go to church on Sunday. It's not enough that my husband works for a Christian organization that seeks justice on behalf of the poor. It's not enough that we live here in the Philippines if I am just going to pass over the poor as I go about my to do list. I'm sick of feeling afraid and making up a million excuses as to why I can't stop and take time to be Jesus to someone in need when it wasn't on my schedule!

God sent Jesus so that humans could experience God in human form. When Jesus was resurrected into heaven he left his work for his followers to do. He sent the Holy Spirit to empower this work. As Christians, we are not only followers, we are his body. As Christ was God made flesh, we are Christ made flesh. We are his hands, his feet, his life, his representatives. The bible and the accounts of Jesus' life are FULL of examples of walking with, living among, and seeking out the poor. Clearly this is important to him.

I think one of the biggest disservices we can do as Christians for other Christians and to the rest of the world is to not live as Jesus lived, thereby giving others a poor example of who Christ really is. Over the years we have met other Christians who are risking their very lives and even the lives of their children to follow Jesus. We have friends who live part of the year in the jungles of Burma, serving displaced people who live daily under the threat of attack by the Burma army. And our other friends who just picked up their family with two young children and moved to a country in central Asia. And not that you have to pick up and move to be faithful to what Jesus is calling you to. Of course there are many, many others we know who are making risks and faithfully and obediently serving Jesus. Their examples speak volumes to us.

Many faithful people in our community here in Cebu (led by the example of Jackie Pullinger) are teaching us, by their example (of course they're not perfect) what it means to be a follower of Jesus as they regularly lay down their lives to serve the poor. These are not well-educated people with theological training. They are people who rely on the the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to them through the bible and then live according to what they learn. Simple as that.

I am seeing faith lived out in a way that looks very close to what I read about in the first five books of the New Testament. It is this example that challenges and spurs me on to grow and change and live according to what my gut tells me - that there is more to this life of faith! It is an example like those we've witnessed that Andrey and I want to be to our children. This is the legacy we desire to pass on. Not safety, not security, not comfort, not mediocrity, not loving only when it's convenient, not giving only when we have enough for ourselves...

Gracious Lord I cry out to you for mercy. For time is short and I don't want to waste any more of it. You have touched and healed my life. You have rescued and saved me. How could I ever repay you? You deserve nothing less than my life laid down and for me to live out that which you have prepared in advance for me. You say we are to love you. That is the greatest commandment. You also say that if we love you, we are to feed your sheep and love our neighbor as our self. Help me Lord! For it's only in YOU that this is possible.

Isaiah 58:6-12 (The Message)

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

"If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again."

Plumbing Woes

Some things in life are only funny after the fact. Here's an example...

For the second time, we are having a major plumbing disaster in our bathroom. The water supply to the toilet has been leaking so I tried to tighten the valve and like last time, the whole thing just broke right off - flush with the wall. You might ask, "Why did you have tighten the valve Jenifer? Isn't that what broke the thing last time?" Well, my answer to that is - first of all, the leak was getting worse and two, one would think that if the job was done well the first time that it wouldn't recur, right? Anyway...water gushed forcefully out of the wall and as I learned the last time this happened, there is no way to turn the water supply off as the lever to the main water tank is so old and rusty it broke off like probably a decade ago.

I frantically searched the house for something I could stick in the wall that is just the right size. My five attempts were unsuccessful and resulted in nearly completely soaked clothes and hair. So there I am sticking the handle of the toilet scrub brush that I wrapped in electrical tape into the waterfall flowing from our bathroom wall as water spritzes and sprays into my face. (And this is the scene that drew expletives from my otherwise impeccably-clean mouth that I can laugh about now.) It won't hold! (More expletives) I call the maintenance guy who, after a while was able to find a branch just the right size, wrapped it in electrical tape, stuck it in the gushing hole-in-the-wall and forced it in with a hammer thereby reducing the gush to a leak (just like it was prior to this incident). Ahh. Exhale. Of course this happened at 6pm last night so it was too late the call the plumber. The maintenance guy assured me he'd call first thing in the morning.

A look on the bright side leads me to be thankful we have an Asian-style bathroom covered in tile with a drain. Smart idea really. Otherwise the water would have no doubt flooded the wood floor in our bedroom in minutes.

The scene today is another drama. I've got two guys on the job discussing the problem in Cebuano and I'm doing my best to understand and contribute my opinion. From what I can tell, I will get a new valve (will have to empty the water tank first) for the main supply and new (this time brass) parts to connect the toilet and hand bidet (i.e. "ass gun") to the water supply. That's all the landlandy is willing to pay for right now although what the plumber suggested was a new valve for every bathroom and the kitchen. I also have our helper's toilet that doesn't work and a drain that's clogged. We also want to install an ass gun in the guest bathroom since we will be moving into the guest bedroom soon but that will have to wait. Meanwhile every pipe I see is rusted and cracking. Practically another flood waiting to happen. This whole house needs a plumbing overhaul! Sorry to my husband for saying this, but I WANT MY DAD!!!

What a Great Day!

Twenty minutes before our social worker was set to arrive for our home study update this morning, I got a call from my parents that a letter from NARM arrived. I gave them the go ahead to open it and they read me the happy news that I passed!!! Yeeehaw!! How fun to have Andrey here to share in the joy. Even our helper cheered. I jumped up and did a happy dance. I did not expect to get word so soon! Wahooo!!!

The home visit with our social worker went fabulously - better than expected. We were able to ask lots of questions and now have a much clearer picture of how this whole thing works. This is what we learned:

• Our social worker really likes us and is hoping along with us that we'll get matched soon
  
• Our application has been released and is indeed available for matching (we thought this was the case but couldn't confirm it till now)
• Very few children come from foster families. The majority come from institutions varying in size and quality.
  
• How matching works: ICAB informs children's homes when a child in their care has been approved for matching. The social worker appointed over that child has to travel to ICAB in Manila and look through the list of available approved parents. The SW chooses a list of 5 parents who's parameters fits the criteria of the child in their care. The files of those five sets of parents gets pulled and the SW is able to look through them in detail. Out of those five, the SW chooses a first and a second choice. Every Tuesday, ICAB holds a meeting in which the SW presents the reasons for choosing those particular parents. Every Thursday, ICAB meets to determine if they agree with the choice of the SW and chooses the parents they feel are best out of the two options (or I suppose none if they disagree). Then the proposed match goes to the board and if the board approves it then they inform the adoption agency and the agency informs the parents. Now, our SW told us that because social workers have to travel, sometimes long distances to get to ICAB in Manila, they will wait until they have several children in their care up for matching before they go. This really does help me understand why this process takes so long.
  
• According to our SW, we shouldn't have to wait the usual 4-6 months from match to custody. That period of time is how long it usually takes for the processing of the immigration papers needed to take the child out of the country. Since we live in Cebu and once we are matched, it could take 1-2 weeks for the match to be approved by ICAB and at that time, we would be able to pick up the child right away. It was hard to contain my excitement at hearing this! (We still need to check with our agency that this is in fact true so even though I'm excited I'm reserving a space in my mind for this to not be the case in the end)
• Apparently for children under age 2, parents can take them on the same day they meet the child, whereas for older children parents must visit a few times before taking the child?? I find this strange. From what I've read, even children under age two benefit from a more gradual transition (less traumatic), getting to know the parents at least a bit before being taken away by them as strangers. She told us we'd be able to visit over several days and spend time first before taking custody if we want.
  
• Once we take custody, there is a 6 month post-placement period, during which we will have three home studies. At the end of this period the adoption will have to be finalized in the US.
  
• Because of the recent change in the determination of an orphan from a legal process to an administrative process, children are now becoming available for adoption at younger ages. For domestic adoption, children as young as 3 months may be classified as orphans and become available for matching and in international adoption, children as young as 6 months may become available, whereas before, it was 6 and 9 months, respectively. So far, the youngest age of child at time of match that I've heard about was 9 or 10 months.
• Even though we requested a single child age 0-36 months or a sibling pair ages 0-48 months, our SW thinks that the most likely scenario for us is that we'll be matched with a single child under age 2 yr 0 months, including a decent possibility of a match with a child under age 1. She thinks this because of the fact that we are still "young" (relative to other applicants, I guess) and childless.
  
• If we were to get matched with a sibling pair (less likely but still possible), she said it's more likely we'd get twins over getting non-twin siblings, since the sibling groups of two that she sees have an older sibling who is most often over 4 years old.
• We should prepare a book with photos of us and our home so it's ready when we get matched and can be sent directly to the child so he/she can at least see our faces before we meet in person and take them home with us
• Apparently we need a crib. We showed her our baby room with it's double bed and she said, "Uh... I think you need to get a crib." Ha ha, yes, we had thought of that but weren't sure we should in case we get a three year old.

So about the crib... Now that we know (think) we may not have much time between getting matched and taking custody, maybe we should get a crib! Until how old does a child use a crib anyway? We were just thinking a mattress on the floor because we've been expecting a toddler but now I realize maybe even that is a dumb idea. Somebody please inform me because I have no idea and it appears I need to get a move on here! Advice anyone??