What a difference a year makes

We just got back from a three-week trip to the US and Canada.  At the end of our trip we got to spend a week with Andrey's family.  Ella and her cousin Annika got along so well and had so much fun that it was difficult to get them to do anything else but play together.  (Suddenly we were having numerous urinary accidents because of how much fun Ella was having. She didn't want to miss any of it!) They held hands in the car.  And for the first time, I saw Ella spontaneously give a hug to a friend.  A few times, she walked over to Annika and gave her a huge hug.  So sweet.

At the end when we were saying good bye, both Andrey and I hugged Annika.  With each hug, Ella mildly protested and said, "Ella's Mommy!" and "Ella's Daddy!" She wasn't upset, she just declared the truth to make sure Annika understood.

It made me so happy to see this.  To me, this was an example of her secure attachment to us. She was claiming us as hers. And she did so confidently.

I compare this to where we were at a year ago.  Same Spring trip.  In DC at a friend's house who had a 2 week old baby.  I held the baby and Ella pitched herself onto the floor crying.  She was so upset that I quickly passed the baby back to his momma so I could hold and console my daughter, assuring her that she was my daughter, I was her momma and always would be.

That is the difference between insecure attachment and secure attachment.

We are a year and seven months in to parenting our Michella, who is thriving.  She is a gem and we love her to pieces.

Now check out this adorable video of Ella and Annika having snacks behind the couch at Grandma and Grandpa's house last week.  Cheers!

More Nosy Ladies

I ran into another extremely nosy and tactless lady at the market yesterday.  Opposed to my last nosy lady interaction, I responded so much better this time.  I think it was a bit easier to handle the barrage of questions about me and Ella because they were directed at the lady I was buying mangoes from.  This woman was verbally processing all the questions she had about us and wanted to start a conversation with the seller about us, perhaps assuming we didn't understand a word she was saying.  But I did understand. And the seller, whom I've bought from before, knew I understood, so she was noticeably uncomfortable with this woman's gossipy chatter. 

I was thankful that the seller kept quiet and let me handle it.  So as the lady tried to discuss how clearly American I was and how clearly Filipino my daughter was and wondered aloud where my daughter's "real" mama was, I acted as if I didn't understand but gave knowing glances to the mango seller.  I ignored the nosy woman, but as she continued I began talking to the mango seller in Cebuano and the woman could then see that I understood.  You'd think this would cause her to feel a little embarrassed for talking about us so openly where we could hear but no, she just went on as if her curiosity and questioning was perfectly acceptable.  She then directed her questions at Ella.  Hello baby! Where is your mommy? You speak Cebuano right? At this point I was really annoyed and so thankful that Ella did not understand what she was saying because she said it in Cebuano.  I then employed a local expression that people here use to say I don't want to talk about it in a light-hearted way.  I looked at the woman and said, "Secret!" with a smirky smile.  The woman sort of laughed it off and I left... without giving ANY information and with my daughter's privacy and dignity intact.  It felt so good.

I guess I should be ready for the scenario when Ella is asked Where is your mommy? question in English.  She would probably just look at the person like they were stupid because clearly her mommy is right here.  I really, really hate that question. 

I am finding a variety of ways to respond to strangers' questions.  I recently decided that when someone asks about me and my daughter and they aren't initially really offensive or annoying, and if I'm in the mood, I would take it as an opportunity to educate the person on international adoption.  I tried this last week when I had a conversation with a less nosy woman at our local running track.

On a quick side note.  This woman asked if the child in the stroller I was pushing was my daughter.  Then she asked, Can she walk?  I find this so funny and just tells of the fact that strollers are not commonly used around here.  In the mall, yes.  But not at the running track I guess.  I find it so amusing that her first thought was to wonder if my child was disabled.

Anyway, instead of even letting the conversation move to her asking how it is that me and my daughter don't look alike, I went right ahead and told her that we adopted our daughter and that there are many families around the world who adopt children from the Philippines.  I told her that we waited for three years to get her because we wanted her so bad and that she was chosen for us and how wonderfully happy we are now that we have her.  And then I directed the conversation elsewhere.

I often get this response from strangers who learn a little about our story - Oh she is so lucky!  To this I make a point to say something like, Oh thanks, but we are the ones who are lucky.  She is such an amazing girl and we love her so much.  She is not a charity case and I don't want her to ever think that we adopted her simply out of "the kindness of our heart".  What strangers don't consider is that we needed her as much as she needed us.  What they don't know about is the ache in my heart I carried for years and years as we waited for her.  

It feels very good to be learning how to take control of these interactions and protect my daughter in the process.  I want our discussions about our story and adoption to be on my terms and when I choose to share, I want the conversation to be very positive and natural.  At some point when Ella gets older I may have to direct the questions to her and let her decide if she wants to share or not.  We will have to work as a team to deal with inevitable interactions like these.

TMI extracted

I had a interaction with a very nosey woman at the pharmacy I stopped in at today.  It all happened so fast that by the end of it, which included the time it took for me to pay and wait for my change, I realized how much information this woman got out of me about my daughter and I almost felt violated. And frustrated with myself for answering any of her questions.

You just don't know how far people will take things when the line of questioning starts. Most of the time it's the usual three questions and then they get the picture, but not this woman. Oh man did she interrogate me.  I just didn't see it coming.

The exchange went something like this. By the way, this slew of questions took place in about 60 seconds, well before I realized it would have been much better to have been rude and cut it off at the beginning. I need to get better at this. Ugh.

Lady: Is she your daughter?
Me: Yes (smiling)
Lady: So are you American?
Me: Yes (looking away thinking, here we go)
Lady: So you live here?
Me: Yes
Lady: Are you married?
Me: Yes, almost 10 years (I'm proud of that and was happy to share it)
Lady: So your husband is Filipino?
Me: No
Lady: Huh? (confused look) But... (examining Ella with her eyes, meanwhile I'm thinking, please stop here, please clue in before I have to spell it out for you)
Me: She's adopted (I smile and wink at Ella)
Lady: So you were not able to have a child?
Me: Not yet! (smiling and trying to look positive. I said this knowing what she was asking me but thinking, I have a child, so I guess we were able!)
Lady: Does she know she's adopted?
Me: Yes! (exasperated tone, because jeez, I just told you that, in front of her, thank God this is not how my daughter learns that she is adopted you crazy lady!)
Lady: So does she see her Mom? She sees her mom often, right?
Me: Umm, No! (THANK GOD my change finally came from the other sales woman and I could walk out the door... As I walked away I screamed in my head, feeling very protective, YEAH SHE SEES HER MOM.  I AM HER MOM! This wasn't some under-the-table deal. What does this woman think?)

You see there is this stigma with adoption here. Families who can't conceive will often adopt a baby from a family they know or have heard of who have more than their fair share. This is done illegally and many times secretly because it is shameful for a couple to not be able to bear a child. I can't tell you how many times this kind of thing was attempted during my time at the maternity clinic. The birth mom asking us to write someone else's name on the birth certificate that she planned to give her baby to.  Sometimes the child is brought up without ever knowing they were adopted. Or even worse, I've heard of situations where the child joins the new family and is more of a second-rate child than a beloved family member. I mean, you know, you have your kids and then you have YOUR kids. My British friend who has 2 biological and 3 adopted children gets this all the time. "So which ones are yours?"

I know all this about local, under-the-table adoption in the Philippines. And it makes me angry to think that someone would apply any of that cultural stigma to my child and think that I adopted her illegally.  After all that we went through to get her I can feel so defensive. And so there is a part of me that wants to share just enough so that they know that our situation is not typical and that I love my daughter as if I carried her in my body for 9 months.  I did carry her actually.  I carried her for years and she grew, as did my love for her well before I knew her name.  And it is so freaking official, it couldn't be any more above-board.

So there. I just wanted to declare that.

I feel like a Momma Bear.  ROAR!!!

Family

We noticed many months ago that our daughter is really good at remembering the names of people she meets and their family members. For instance, whenever we talk about Ella's good friend Tessi, she will usually ask about Tessi's brother, mommy and daddy, all by name. At night we pray for our god-daughter in the US. When we pray for her Ella always interrupts and lists the names of the rest of the family members, all five of them. She met them for the first time in April. If we talk about her cousin in Canada she will always say, Uncle Mike, Auntie Lisa! Or my brother in Florida. Uncle Luke, Aunt Tonya, Hattie. I could go on.

It wasn't until recently, when she started often listing the names in our family, Mommy... Daddy... Ella! that it occurred to me what this means.

This shows me that she is beginning to understand the concept of family.  In my adoption reading during our wait for a child, I learned that many adopted children do not understand what family is and that it has to be learned, or re-learned.  I had never considered this before but it made sense to me. Ella only had female caregivers during her first two years of life.  It is only reasonable that she clung to me right away but for many months wondered why this big white guy kept hanging around. She had no concept of a male caregiver, much less a father.

I now think she gets it. She knows that I am her mommy, Andrey is her daddy and that we belong together and will stay together. Attachment is a process and I'm not sure we can yet say "we've arrived" but this is a pretty significant development in the process. I am so pleased and so thankful.

Lately she's been interested in the baby carrier again after many months of not needing it or using it. Last week she asked to be in it with me after she woke up from a nap. I was surprised when she wanted to stay in it for nearly 30 minutes with her head on my chest like a baby. Even our relationship is still in process.

I am just amazed when I think of how far Ella and Andrey have come in their relationship in 14 months. A few nights ago she asked to go in the baby carrier with daddy for a nighttime walk. I can't recall her ever being carried by daddy in it on the front. She only went in it a few times on his back during hikes last Spring in the US and her going in there wasn't by her request but because mommy was really tired of carrying her. This was different. This was voluntary, requested, cuddly-closeness with her daddy.

As much as Ella needed a family, we needed her. We longed and ached for a child for most of our eight years of marriage prior to her joining our family. And for the record, she is not the lucky one. We are.

Ella's daddy has been patiently waiting for his daughter's love and affection for a long time. He hasn't pushed it, even when he could have, even when I thought he should, he didn't. He waited and let her initiate each gradual level of connection. And oh it has been so very gradual but would you just look at them now!

Photo Recap Part 6

Ella's Adoption Court Hearing in Birmingham, AL
April 20, 2011


What a special day! Ella didn't really get what the day was about. All she knew was how fun it was to have all four of her grandparents around on a short road trip and lunch where she got one of her favorite (and usually forbidden) foods - hot dogs! We sought out a hot dog joint for a special lunch just before heading to court and we found a great little cafe. At least in the States we can get better quality hot dogs. This girl is a purist. No ketchup, no bun, just the meat please! She ate two.

After lunch, we walked to the court house. Ella enjoyed a few fun moments with Papa. The mood of the day was very light and joy-filled.

We came upon some local children's artwork and noticed a plaque with a list of "heroes," one of which was H. Tubman (Harriet Tubman), the inspiration for Ella's new middle namesake. How perfect!

Sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with love for this little one. What a girl!

Our entourage

It must have been her knowing that she was extremely close to officially being a Sawchenko that brought on this uninitiated nerdiness.

The hearing took all of five minutes. The judge was just delighted with Ella. After asking us a few basic questions about her name and how long we've been together she kept saying, "Awww, well isn't that neat! Oh that is so neat! She is just the sweetest little thing!"

At one point in the middle the hearing, Ella stood up in the chair that faced the judge and put her hands up like a winning champion and said, "Yaaaayyyy!" I'm so glad we got that on video.

A photo with the Judge

 

It's all done! (We still had a ton to do actually but at least the hearing was done.) What a great feeling!

Finalized

Thirty-two hours from now we'll be waiting to board our first of three flights back to Cebu. Our time in the US is coming to a close. What a historical trip.

Our sweet girl is now officially a Sawchenko! She left the Philippines a citizen of that country, arrived in the US as an immigrant and will soon return to Asia an American citizen. We completed all we came to do. At times we weren't sure it was possible. We had an Alabama home study, Alabama background checks, retained a lawyer, met with our local adoption agency and appeared in court. We got the adoption court decree, Ella's Alabama birth certificate and US passport!!! We applied for her social security card. All that despite going back a week early! It's truly miraculous that we've accomplished this much in such a short amount of time.

I will share more details and lots of photos of our travels from the past eight weeks in subsequent posts but wanted to at least announce that we have made it this far and have essentially completed this process. In all the waiting and preparation I never imagined this part of the process and here we are, done. What a great feeling. We can just go on with life with OUR little girl. She was ours in our minds and hearts since before we met her but there is just something about her status as our daughter being officially recognized.

The best things about this trip have been:

1. Successful legal completion of Michella's adoption into our family (YAY YAY YAY!!!)
2. The opportunity for Michella to build and deepen relationships with all four of her doting grandparents and to meet and get to know many of her aunts, uncles and cousins
3. The growth in Michella's relationship with her Daddy. There have been some huge leaps and bounds in their relationship because of all the bonus time they've spent together on this trip. This would have occurred anyway but would have taken a lot longer had Andrey been going into the office every day. 
4. Working for an organization that allows us to do this.

 What a gift this time has been!

Michella has continued to grow and develop and change and impress us and pretty much everyone else with her personality and skills. She is so deeply loved and we are extremely thankful for the blessing of being her parents.

We love you, Michella Harriet!!!

Pre-departure ICAB Visit - Six Months Together

On Monday this week we flew to Manila for the required pre-departure visit to the Intercountry Adoption Board of the Philippines. It was so exciting to be there - to see this mysterious place we had often wondered about during the 21 month wait between our approval and match with Ella.

This is a visit that parents usually make with their child just days after they meet. How fun for us to get to show off how far we've come in our nearly six months together. The staff loved Ella (like, of course!). She pretty much made herself right at home by taking off her shoes and walking around to explore, laughing and playing - a sure sign of a secure child!

We met the women who oversee the matching process and played a pretty big role in matching Ella to our family. Here is a photo with one of those women and our social worker (in blue). We received Ella's passport with American visa, as well as all the documents needed to exit the country and enter the US. As they handed us the final affidavit of consent to adoption, the ICAB officer said, "Since it is clear that Ella has adjusted beautifully to your family, we are granting you this document." I was beaming. We know that's true but for ICAB to acknowledge that verbally, well, that was awesome. What a great day!

According to them, the social worker from Ella's children's home was not able to travel to Manila to choose a family so they asked the ICAB staff to choose for them. This woman handpicked us out of the bunch. I had to ask, "Why did you choose us?"

)

She said that it had a lot to do with the fact that we were living in the Philippines. There was some concern about Ella's adjustment since she had had such a difficult time since her arrival at the children's home (having lost her foster family, what more could they expect?). They felt that her getting to stay in-country would be better for her. They also said that since we filled out the medical conditions checklist saying we were willing to take a child with language delay (among other things), and since that was one of their concerns regarding Ella, then they knew we were the ones. Apparently we were the second choice of two families but when presented to the board they bumped us to #1. 

Well, we know who really did the choosing but it was really interesting to hear from ICAB how they put us together. Now that we have her, we know it was meant to be all along!  Oh man, I love this little girl so much.

After the ICAB visit, we went to Starbucks to celebrate with Ella's favorite chocolate cake. Ella was in fine form tearing around the place like usual. I happened to catch a few shots of her happy cuteness.

And since I don't have time to make a separate post, I'll just add a few photos from the past month.

How cute are these girls?

Ella is now two and a half! Lately, she has started to sing her own songs really loud. The other day I had some worship music on in the car and I heard Ella's sweet voice belting out behind me. When I sneaked a peak at her in the rear view mirror she had her eyes close with her hands palms together up near her mouth just singing away. I was so touched!

She has also began to initiate praying for others. She often will say "pray" and then put her hand on a friend at church or someone who's visiting or to Daddy before he goes to work. When we prayed for a friend at church who was in a lot of pain, she felt better after!

She is playing so well with other kids these days. I was at a church gathering the other day and Ella just took off into the play room with several other kids. Oh and she got her first kiss from a boy! A playmate of hers, who is just a few months younger came up to Ella and kissed her on the lips. So cute! Ella pushed him away and said, "No!" That a girl. These two really like each other though. We started getting together about once a week so they can play. And the photos of Ella on the bike with side-car is another play date we've been having weekly. She is really comfortable with these kids now too and seems to really enjoy when we get together. (And I am loving the Mommy time I get to have with my friends!)

I could go on but there is much to do before we fly out in just TWO DAYS!!! We leave on Sunday night. Our girl will leave on a Philippines passport and return on an American one. This is so exciting! (Did I mention we have a court date on April 20th? We are so close!)

Moving Right Along

Here I am again, trying to resist feeling like a loser because I haven't blogged in so long. Just when I think I'm back it, well, you know... two or three or in this case, four weeks go by! The same goes for exercise and many other things. I'm not sure I'll get used to this part of motherhood. There just always seems to be more important things to do. Granted, we have been very busy with finalizing the adoption with a few extra unplanned trips to Manila thrown in and all that needs to be done before going away for two months. So to update you, this is the latest:

We completed Ella's visa medical in Manila end of last month. Because of her BCG injection at birth, the TB skin test came out reactive so she had to undergo a chest x-ray. Not fun for a two year old. I had to help force her legs into a contraption that holds her upright with a clear plastic brace that folds around her chest pushing her arms against her ears. She screamed and cried and hit me in the face as I tried to hold and support her arms up while telling her it's gonna be okay and singing You Are My Sunshine. It was awful. Thankfully, the x-ray result was negative and resulted in a medical report that cleared her for travel to the U.S. What a relief. We have been told that she will get a visa. It should be issued sometime this week.

We had our third and last post-placement home visit last week. It went really well. Visits from our social worker usually do. That's because our daughter is a STAR. Our social worker often says, "She's such a happy girl!" It's true. She is happy. And that makes us feel really good. In addition to remarking about how much progress Ella has made since the first post-placement visit, our social worker also said several times, "Boy, she really knows what she wants!" and "Oooh, I can see that she is very strong-willed."

Speaking of strong-willed, the middle name we gave Michella just so happens to mean home-ruler. Hilarious and so appropriate, we are realizing! We learned this only after we chose the name, inspired by a particular historical figure. We didn't realize it's meaning until after we submitted Ella's new name to our lawyer in Alabama who needed it to fill out the court petition. I'd be happy to share her new full name with you personally if you ever want to ask. Just don't want to mention it here. But it's true, we have a little home-ruler in our house. Oh my. Just look at her!

Our social worker loves us and just adores Ella. Her last report was so positive and I thought adequately described Ella's adjustment to our family. I feel like our relationship and appreciation of our social worker is similar to a couple's connection to their midwife. She has become a friend. How could she not when she has been instrumental in the most significant event of our adult lives so far? Once her report from this last post-placement visit is written and submitted, we can expect the final documents  needed to finalize Ella's adoption in the U.S.

We just learned we will have to go to Manila one more time. We are required to visit the Inter-country Adoption Board. We also need to personally pick up Ella's passport and visa and the final Consent to Adopt expected to be issued by the adoption board. Once we have these docs in hand, our adoption process as far as the Philippines is concerned is complete. How fantastic is that?!

We're headed to the U.S. in less than TWO WEEKS! We'll be finalizing the adoption in Alabama where my parents live and have a big house for us to base ourselves for the two months we're Stateside. We will also be spending some time in North Carolina and Washington, D.C.

There is much to do while in town - a home study (two home visits) from a local social worker, get fingerprinted (for the 18th time), get a few different background checks, hope our home study with the local agency gets ready in time for us to appear in court (we just got our court date today!), get Ella an amended birth certificate, a social security number and an American passport. In between all that, we will be spending lots of quality time with both sets of grandparents and some of Ella's aunts, uncles and cousins. It is looking likely that we will have both Andrey's and my parents in Alabama at the time of the court date. How special that day will be!

Anyone have any tips on traveling several really long flights with a toddler?

Adoption Day!!!

Today is the day we will meet our daughter. I can't believe it is here. We just got a call from our social worker who learned from the orphanage that Michella is indeed pronounced "Mi-shell-a." I was quite happy to hear this as we have been calling her that and we have really grown to love it.

Please pray for us.

• That there will not be any problems with travel, especially on the way back .:-) It is possible we will be traveling without any legal documents that explain why this child is with us. We are told it's never been a problem in the past but am hoping that her legal docs arrive this morning before we leave (they are due to arrive). Included is the form that states that we have legal custody of her.
• Pray that Andrey can efficiently wrap up work today before we leave. (We are headed to the airport around noon)
  
• That Michella would sense in her spirit that we are her parents that she's been waiting for and that she can trust us.
  
• That we would have favor with the orphanage staff and be able to get all the information we would like to learn about Michella's background and routine.
• That Andrey and I would have wisdom in all of this! When over the next few days do we take her with us, how to best care for her, how to make her transition as smooth as possible, and just parenting in general! We are newbies!

As you can imagine, we are SO excited!

Thank you for being excited with us on this journey and for your love, support, prayers and encouragement along the way. We are blessed!

(p.s. Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad Haenlein! 37 years!! Now you have to share your anniversary with our adoption day celebrations but I have a feeling you don't mind. We love you!!)

Love and Attachment

I've been reading like mad these days. Trying to get in as much helpful information as possible. I've called and emailed friends who have adopted. I have a skype date on Saturday with another family who adopted. I want to know how best to make Michella's transition as smooth as possible, how to deal with sleep and food issues, and how to foster attachment.

I am currently re-reading my favorite adoption book, Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins-Best, especially the chapters about the transition and attachment. I was reminded of the fact that many adopted toddlers reject one or both parents in the beginning or at least resist their attempts to give love and care. When you think of it, it is understandable, especially with little ones who have experienced several disruptions in their short lives and given the fact that we will be perfect strangers in the beginning. Michella first lost her birth mother, then her foster mother, and she will soon lose those currently caring for her at the small orphanage where she's spent the past eight months. Naturally, it will take some time for her trust. She may resist bonding with us initially as she's afraid of another loss. I knew this but to read about other families who have adopted toddlers who outright rejected (more commonly the mother) one of their new parents, made me realize that I need to prepare myself emotionally for this, should it happen. Of course we don't know if it will but it is better to be prepared and it not happen than to expect that our meeting will be unrealistically dreamy and then be in total shock and dismay when it isn't.

I just know myself. I take things personally often. I'm the one that feels personally offended by the weather! So I am thankful for the "head's up".

I also recognize that it will likely take me some time to grow to love Michella as well. These things are not always instant - even with biological children. So I am bursting my unrealistic bubble about that as well by releasing myself from that expectation to be completely enamored the moment we meet.

As I was praying this morning I realized something. I realized that consistently and faithfully loving and caring for a child even when they continually reject you is such a wonderful picture of LOVE. Not just any love, but Jesus' love, and the love of FatherMother God.

Oh how I rejected God! For years I rejected his love and care as in my brokenness I chose to care for myself. I decided I didn't need him. I had learned to depend on myself in order to protect myself. But oh how he persisted! He never gave up on me. He loved me even when I turned my back and my body became stiff in resistance. Eventually, as I got to know him, I came around. I let him love and care for me. My body relaxed and molded to his body as he held me (I mean this figuratively but also spiritually as I have had spiritual experiences of God holding me like a baby and bonding with me). So when/if Michella doesn't respond to my initial attempts to love and care for her, I will remember that it's not about me. I will not take it personally (although I still might cry about it in my alone time). I will recognize that she is doing what she knows to protect herself and I will empathize with her loss. Who can blame her? I will recognize that there is hurt that in time will be healed. Especially if I persist and continually offer the unconditional love I also received. I will rely on Jesus and His power to enable me to love this little girl in the same way He loves me.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Happy Birthday, Michella!

Happy Birthday, Michella! You're TWO today! What did you do today? Did you have a birthday cake?

I can't believe I still don't even know how your name is pronounced! It's been two weeks since we first learned about you. It will be another week till we are finally united. Your Daddy and I prayed for you this morning, and then we prayed for your birth mother. I wonder if she is thinking about you today.

Some friends gave me a baby shower last weekend. You should see how many cute dresses you have in your closet! You have a lot of books, too. Tomorrow I will buy a book case so you can have all your books in one place. Either Daddy or I will read to you every night. I wonder what your favorite book will be.

We have so much to learn about you, Michella. In time, you will get to know us as well. We know it might take you some time to learn to trust us, and that's okay. We will be around for as long as it takes.

Michella's Welcome Album

I finally finished Michella's welcome album yesterday. I want to show it to you.

Our social worker will receive it on Monday and will forward it to Michella's orphanage. This will be the first time Michella sees our faces and will hopefully become familiar with us so she will recognize us when we meet her for the first time on September 30th. I also sent her a birthday gift - a book and a knitted toy elephant made by Andrey's cousin, Katya. The elephant slept in our bed over the past week so it would smell like us.

Of course at two years old, Michella will not comprehend the concepts in this letter but this book will be a keepsake for her and I want her to know what we were thinking and feeling during this time.

Thanks to Andrew "Guy" Willms, we have these great professional shots to include. Thanks again for these, Guy! They continue to come in handy!

We were supposed to include photos of Michella's room and play area but it's not ready yet!

This is a letter I wrote months ago and posted on our blog. I want her to read this someday, too. After all, it was written to her, I just didn't know who she was yet.

Michella Update and How We Got our News

What day is it? I seriously am having difficulty keeping track. These days are a bit of a blur in the best possible sense. I haven't been this busy in I don't know how long. There is so much to do to get ready for our little girl. Honestly, my diet has been terrible; my meal pattern disastrous. Several nights this week Andrey came home and told him I had absolutely no plan for dinner and very little food in the house. I just get into these projects that need to get done and I'm neglecting my internal cues for food and my usual motivation to cook so there is something healthy to eat. What is this? This is not normal for me.

Tomorrow will be a week since we got the life-changing news of our daughter Michella's existence. It really felt like she was birthed that day.

Here's the time line of what's happened so far:

Thursday, September 9 - I was teaching a breastfeeding class to the clinic staff when the director's husband interrupted to tell me that there was a woman on the phone and that it was about something to do with our adoption. I thought he was joking. He assured me it was not a joke and that a woman was waiting on the phone. I walked over to the next building over where the main clinic phone was and sat down at the guard desk to take the call. My social worker didn't even say who she was so it took me a few sentences to realize that it was our social worker in Manila. She asked if the meeting I was in was important and do I need to get back to it. I said, "Well, uh, no actually, why? do you have some news for me?"

In the middle of that sentence I told myself that it was probably about something else and to not get my hopes up, but by the time I finished that sentence and she launched in with the news, I realized that this was it. She told me, "Well yeah! I bet you can guess that I have news!" I said, "Tell me!" Now, I don't remember the exact words as I was in complete shock but it was something like, You have a daughter, her name is Michella Pi-la-something Cast-a-something Esca-something. She'll be two this month on September 23rd. She's in Iloilo in an orphanage now but was in a foster home since birth. She's healthy. She had an upper respiratory tract infection before but it was treated.

By this time I have my hand over my mouth and I am crying. Let me mention that prenatal check-ups happened to be going on at the time and the waiting area was packed with pregnant women staring at me. I looked around searching for a staff member that I knew well but they were all next door where I was teaching the class! The only familiar face within eye-sight was the guard so I looked at him and shouted, "I have a daughter!!!" and proceeded to cry. I don't think the guard understood what was going on because I appeared to be in such distress. He acted like he wasn't sure if my proclamation was good or bad.

Our social worker proceeded to tell me how she had tried to call me at home and talked to our helper who told her I was at work. And then she paused and said something like, "Well..." I didn't know what to say. What was she asking me? I just had to tell her that I needed some time to let this sink in before I could even think straight and say anything coherent. I confirmed with her that she hadn't yet reached Andrey so getting the news to him became my priority. I told her I'd call her back asap.

I immediately called Andrey who I knew was in a meeting. My hands are visibly shaking at this point as I dial. The guard is still staring at me wondering what is going on. The phone rings and rings and rings. I stomp my foot and say, 'pick up the phone Andrey!' To my surprise, he did pick up the phone eventually and I fumbled all over my words. I hadn't thought it through what I was going to say. Do I just blurt it out or tell him I need to see him right away? Of course the latter was ridiculous come to think of it. I started with, "Where are you? I have news." He asked what it was. "Eva called Andrey! Eva called! Do you want me to go to you so I can tell you?" "No! tell me everything now!" I told him all I knew and I can't even tell you what he said. I honestly don't remember. I told him to meet me at home as our social worker was emailing us our daughter's file.

I first ran upstairs to the delivery room where I knew Hilary and my good friend Mar were busy with a birth. I just had to tell them. I peeked my head in and whispered the news. They, very hushed, congratulated me ('cos the poor woman was pushing and deserved their focus and attention!) and I quickly left. I went next door to share the news to the staff who were waiting for me. I made my announcement and cried some more and everybody cheered. I told them I would not be able to finish the class and that I was sorry. I just had to get home as soon as possible!!

That drive home felt like the longest ever. I wanted to get home so bad to cheer and jump and celebrate with Andrey. On that trip home I remember talking to myself a lot - "Oh my God Oh my God, Oh my God, it's really happening! I can't believe it!" I cried and then I laughed and kept saying Thank you to Jesus and then yelled at the guy on the tricycle in front of me for not going fast enough! This went around and around till about 20 minutes later I was home.

Andrey was still on his way back from his meeting and I was able to pick him up on the road near our house. We rejoiced and talked about how great of a day this is! We pulled into our driveway and our house-helper greeted us. I shouted the news and we jumped up and down together while she yelped for us with joy.

We quickly read through Michella's profile and it was better than I ever expected! Apparently she is healthy and well-cared for, I couldn't believe it! I really couldn't believe it as I have tried to prepare myself for the worst and expected there to be at least a few obvious problems. I prayed for a healthy little girl but was very open and willing to take on whatever God would have for us in a child. I felt up for the challenge! Of course we don't know it all and how difficult or easy of a time Michella will have attaching to our family and what issues will present down the road, but the fact that there aren't any obvious health/developmental problems, wow, I am just blown away by that! And my prayers all along that she would be well cared for were answered as well!

We read about her birth parents and the circumstances that caused them to make the decision to give her up (3 other kids, meager fisherman's income, third child with significant health problems - a heart defect and cleft palate). Michella spent the first 24 hours with her birth mother. As soon as we finished reading it, we called our social worker. She asked if we had any questions. We said the only question we have is, When can we pick her up? Our social worker laughed. You could tell she was so very excited that this was happening for us. She has been advocating for us for months now. She said she actually knew the day before but had to wait to give us the news. She told us how hard it was for her to wait till the next day.

The rest from this point is a blur as we made the phone calls I had only daydreamed of making. We called my parents, Andrey's parents, all our siblings, our closest friends in Canada and the US... We sent out texts to our Cebu friends. We emailed. We facebooked. It's amazing how many people we were able to communicate with in such a short period of time.

Unfortunately we both had to get to work that afternoon but we were bombarded with communication right up until we had to leave. No time for lunch, and that's when the dissolving of my regular meal pattern disappeared. Never before in my life have I skipped meals. I hope this is just a temporary phase because I'm so hungry and I get quite grouchy when my blood sugar gets low. lol!

Friday, September 10th - All morning was spent talking, emailing, and getting the news out to more people before I worked from 2-10.

Saturday, September 11th - More busyness at home in the morning although I'm not sure with what. Attended a medical outreach that the clinic was involved in. In the evening we had a celebration dinner here with many dear friends from church. We had a wonderful time of worship, giving glory to God for what he had done and a time of prayer for Michella in her room. My lovely British friend Charlotte put a lot of thought and time into preparing for our worship time and it was wonderful. Many gave words and verses for us and Michella. A friend wrote everything down so we can remember later.

Sunday, September 12th - I worked my last shift at Glory Reborn and I felt a little sad about it. It was just so sudden and now I don't work there anymore.

Monday, Sept 13th - I was supposed to leave for Davao but delayed the trip so we could get a bunch of paperwork started. I worked on paperwork ALL DAY and started working on Michella's welcome album. I realized again how much more exhausting I find sitting behind a computer all day than any other kind of work I've done - especially when you are rushing around trying to get stuff done in the midst of answering calls and texts. For some reason I find this kind of work exhausting but by the end of the day I was delighted by how much I accomplished. Now I know what Andrey's life at the office is like. I don't know how he does it!

Tuesday, Sept 14th - Spent the entire morning on the welcome album for Michella. Finished it. Went to the mall to get it printed only to find that that was not possible. Frustrated and just wished there was a Kinko's nearby! Oh and here's the crazy thing! During the morning, our social worker called to see if we'd be ready to travel by September 23rd! Krikey that's next week! This was going way faster than I expected!! I cancelled my already-shortened trip to Davao for that midwifery internship. That will have to wait for another time.

After thinking about this and talking to Andrey about it, we decided to wait until September 30th to travel to Iloilo City to meet our daughter. We will stay for 3 days and bring her home on October 3rd. The reason for this is that Andrey is swamped busy till then and we both agree that as much as we want to bring her home next week, it is best for us all, and especially for her if both of us are available and free to focus on spending time as a family. There are some things that Andrey could probably get out of but he'd still have to work a ton from home as he has much to do before he can take some time off. We were already planning a trip to Canada (now canceled) on October 2 so Andrey was already prepared to be free by then. He'll just have to finish things up a few days early.

Tomorrow we are going to Manila to renew our fingerprints at the US Embassy for the last time. Then Friday I will get the welcome album and our completed acceptance documents in the mail. As soon as we receive Michella's legal documents we can start processing the paperwork at the Embassy that will lead to Michella's visa to the US.

Maybe Saturday I will start shopping for a few things to get Michella's room ready. I want to get a bookshelf and a rocking chair. We learned that she still sleeps in a crib at night which is great because we already have that set up. Some friends here are having a baby shower for me on Sunday. My first baby shower! It's so exciting! Next week I'll be buying a few things, getting her room and closet organized, toddler-proofing the house, and flight/hotel arrangements made for our trip to Iloilo City.

It's nearly midnight so I guess that make it 14 days till we meet Michella. Let the countdown begin!

!!! IT'S A GIRL !!!

When I wrote my last post I had NO idea how close we were to getting the news I have dreamed of over the past few years!

It's really happening! We got the much anticipated but unexpected call on Thursday, September 9th. A referral of a sweet little girl named Michella who turns two this month. She lives in Iloilo City on Panay Island just two island west of Cebu. We are told we should be able to go pick her up in about a month!

Very, very soon I am going to write the whole story of how we got the news of our daughter and reflect on what I've been feeling these past few days. Come Monday I am free to focus on what needs to be done. It has been a whirlwind of excitement around here and I've been working every day so I haven't had time to just sit down and write. It has been full on. I am very happy but also very tired.

So here I am, it's after 11pm on Saturday night and I have to be to work by 6:45 in the morning. But it's MY LAST SHIFT at Glory Reborn for the foreseeable future. I was supposed to go to Davao on Monday but I'm not going, or at least not for the whole 10 days as originally planned. We were also planning to go to Canada in a few weeks and that's not going to happen but that's very okay because we now know of our daughter and will be with her very soon. Just days ago she was a mystery child that I knew existed but couldn't imagine. Now I've seen her face (in a photo) and know her name. She has been born into our hearts and lives already, this little Michella. It's amazing how life can change so suddenly.

Watch Out!! She's Gonna Pop!!

I can't help it! I get my feelings hurt when I'm not included in a reference to those who are expecting. Yeah, I know it's not the same as a nice round pregnant belly that calls for attention but my heart is feeling pretty plump these days...

like it's gonna burst...

an explosive rupture from the pressurized fullness of what's been growing inside for what seems like forever!

There is movement and kicking, achiness and discomfort, and brief moments of panic about what is to come...

there is impatience and craving; there is daydreaming about this mystery child, and sudden unexpected fits of crying that I can't always explain.

I am claiming my right to this group, damn it. That's how I feel today. Tomorrow may be different.

Right now I am grouchy from being overdue. I'm not talking weeks overdue, people. I'm talking MONTHS overdue - and I very likely have an unknown number of months to go. So don't mess with me. I'm giving birth to a toddler!! Maybe TWO! Let's see you real pregnant women do that!

20 months and 10 days...

Time is a-flyin' these days, I tell you! Sorry for the long lapse in blogging. I literally have about six drafts of blog posts buried in my blog that were all good ideas for posts but never got completed. And now those posts are outdated so I'll just move onto the present, I guess.

On the adoption front - since approval we have waited one year, eight months and 10 days. This is getting very exciting. If I let myself really think about it I get butterflies in my tummy and am overwhelmed with impatience! So my m.o. these days is to stay busy, continue to allow brief thoughts about my baby(ies) every day so I can pray for them, keep reading my adoption books but otherwise just keep my mind to other things. It's when I think about holding my child and daydream about what it's going to be like that I want to burst with emotional anticipation. It's like being a child on the night before Christmas when you feel so excited because you JUST_CAN_NOT_WAIT for morning to come! You want it to be morning NOW!

I just received an email from another woman on my online adoption group. She said she just heard that ICAB (adoption board) is currently working on matching applicants from the third quarter of 2008. Because I can be a bit air-headed sometimes, I initially thought that referred to us but then Andrey reminded me that that refers to those approved in July to September 2008. We were approved in December 2008. Oh well. Still though, we are closer than ever and it is exciting to me to be past the 20 month mark. I have heard of lots of families getting matched in the 20-something months. Anything is possible! Besides, we just recently sent in a letter to ICAB with a family update and some recent photos and revised medical checklists that gave, what I felt like was, LOTS of room to choose from in the numerous conditions/challenges we are willing to take on. C'mon!! This has got to affect something!

To be honest, lately the wait has not been too bad at all. I am enjoying the present so much these days that I'm fine to wait a few more months (I hope it's only a few more months!). We have traveled quite a bit since April. We've been to the US, India, Northern Philippines and Hong Kong. I plan to go to Davao, Mindanao (Southern Philippines) next month to work at a busy clinic for about 10 days. Then it is possible we'll take a short furlough in October as Andrey has a very small window for which he can be away. He is crazy busy with work between now and the start of 2011. He has work trips planned to Manila, Bangkok and DC all before the end of the year.

I'll end with sharing something I received recently that was VERY encouraging. While in Luzon at Abundant Grace Maternity Clinic I joined the staff for the their weekly devotional/prayer time. We went around the group and prayed for each person. When it was my turn, two midwives had words of encouragement received from the Holy Spirit for me about our children. The first was a picture of Jesus holding Andrey and I in one hand and our child(ren) in the other. The impression was, we are not yet together but Jesus is holding each one of us securely in his hands while we wait. The second word was that Jesus is very near to our child, caring tenderly for them and bonding with them in place of us (and in place of their birth parents).

When I heard this I started crying because I have prayed exactly this numerous times. It was Jesus encouraging my heart that what I have prayed and asked for, he is doing. I wrote those prayers in this post and this post. He really is answering our prayers and it's so nice to be reminded of that.

Adoption Update

As of July 8, we have been waiting 19 months since approval of the adoption board of the Philippines. I just heard about a non-Filipino family that was recently matched with a child. They waited 21 months. To my knowledge however, there are still numerous families waiting for a match that have already waited close to two years. We still have no idea when our day will come but there have been a few encouraging developments lately that I will share at the end of this note. Before I do that, I need to vent a little about something we are working on.

Our agency in the US recently informed us that the Adoption Board of the Philippines created a new form titled, "Type of child acceptable to Family." They encouraged us to fill out this new form and submit it to them so they can forward it to the adoption board for us. We filled a similar form out during our first home study. The new form has been updated and expanded and is more specific, listing more than double the number of conditions included on the original form.

This form was probably my least favorite thing about this adoption process so far, besides the long wait. Just look at the title - type of child acceptable?? I despise the thought of having to think through and decide the type of child we find acceptable.

Here is the list, word for word (there's a box to check next to each condition either 'accept' or 'not accept':

Birth Condition - Premature, undescended testicle, umbilical hernia, physical abnormalities (cleft lip, cleft palate)

Eye Condition - Visual acuity abnormalities, strabismus

Ear Condition - Hearing impairment, ear deformity

Heart Problems - heart murmur, heart defect (may require surgery)

Hematologic Disorder - G6PD, thalasemia, others

Infectious Disease - Hepatitis B, First degree infection under medication

Orthopedic Problems - Hand anomalies, leg anomalies (bowed leg), foot anomalies (requiring cane, leg braces, or splint), facial feature anomalies

Emotional and Social Development - Autism, ADHD, known history of physical/sexual abuse

Developmental Delays - Cerebral palsy, seizures, speech related problems (stuttering, lisps, etc.), gross motor delay, hyperactivity, slight developmental delay, global developmental delay, speech delay, metal retardation (mild)

Parental Background - No known information; History of: drug use, alcohol use, emotional illness (e.g. depression), mental illness (e.g. schizophrenia, psychosis), mentally challenged, with criminal record, child of rape, child of incest

Other - lactose intolerance, skin conditions (eczema, dermatitis), bronchial asthma, hypo/hyperthyroidism, needing surgical procedure(s), large hemangioma (which will disappear over time), dental carries

I have so many problems with this form! My mind just goes berserk when I read each condition. Premature? Are we talking 3 months or 3 weeks premature? Alcohol/drug abuse in the mother - was this during pregnancy? If so, how much alcohol? What kind of drugs? How was the child affected? Cerebral palsy - Is this really considered a developmental delay? What degree are we talking? Seizures? What is the underlying condition causing them? How severe? How often? Hematologic disorders - what does "others" refer to? Infectious disease - Do I only need to consider Hep B? What about HIV & TB? Why aren't those on the list? I could go on....

Aside from these things, and the over-arching dislike for such a list is the problem I have with playing God, so to speak. I mean, I understand why we have to fill out such form but geez, this has got to be my least favorite part of the adoption process because of the knowing that by checking a 'not accept' box, I am eliminating an actual child in need of a family. It just seems wrong to have to choose.

Now it would be fine if the choice was between a child considered to be "normal" and a child with certain special needs but these aren't the options (I was naive early on to think it was this black and white) and even if they were, who are we to limit our choice to a "normal" child? Of course parents of biological children would choose to give birth to a healthy, normal child but given the option of having a child with some form of challenge (as is the case in all adoptive children), who would want the responsibility to pick and choose that which they would be faced with? Normally, you get pregnant, you pray for the best, do the best you can to take care of yourself and then be prepared to take on whatever your child presents with, because that child is your child.

Whatever boxes we check, we have to be willing to take a child with such a condition. If we check the box and then we're presented with a child with that condition, we have very little grounds to reject that referral. So we'd better be darned sure we are willing to take whatever we check "accept." But how do we know? We are not familiar with many of these conditions and what impact they have on the child. I have some research to do.

Besides, even if I fill out a form and feel pretty confident that I can "handle" the conditions I checked off, the child we get is not just a list of conditions. He/she is a child with complex genetic and environmental make-up that blend together into something unique. You just truly have no idea what you are going to get! So I guess in the end, all we can do is fill out the form the best we can and trust God with the result, knowing that ultimately, what we receive will be from Him and we will accept and deal with whatever we are faced with, because that child will be our child. Still, I don't have to like the process.

So with this, I am asking for your support in prayer in the next day or so as Andrey and I fill out this new form. Our hope is that we will be led by the Holy Spirit to check those boxes that we feel we are willing to take on, even if it is something we'd rather not deal with.

It's not realistic to just check 'not accept' on most boxes as I really believe it eliminates 90% of children waiting for a family. We also know that regardless of what may be said of a child's health status, there may be other conditions present and in different degrees than stated. Frankly, we are prepared for some challenges and feel ready to take on whatever our child presents with. Maybe it's not even about what we feel we can handle but about what we feel led by God to be open to taking on. As I write, I realize this may be a attitude in which to approach this list. So really, it's up to the Lord to guide us! Simple as that! There is just no way I can rely on my own human wisdom in this. What we need is divine wisdom and discernment and as you pray with us for that, I will expect to be lead. Okay, I feel better about this now.

I have two more (positive) things I want to mention. Our agency also encouraged all families who have been waiting longer than a year to write a brief card to the adoption board including a few updated family photos, that says something like, "We are eagerly awaiting the referral of our child... here are some recent photos." We are happy to get the chance to do this and have already printed three photos to include in our note. One of Andrey with his (Filipino) staff, one of me at work at the clinic with my (Filipino) co-workers and one of us together on our recent trip to India. If you couldn't tell, the choice of photos is very strategic for us and hope they will show that we are well integrated into Philippines society and familiar with Asian culture in general.

Now I've saved the best for last. Something very encouraging came to our attention a few days ago. Our social worker in Manila who works for Holt's partner agency emailed us to tell us that she recently wrote a letter to the adoption board, "appealing to the Board to consider [us] soonest for a referral due to [us] have been living in Cebu, Philippines since 2007."

Our social worker actually wanted us to write a letter to the adoption board like this many months ago but our agency in the US said we'd better not as we hadn't waited even 18 months yet at that time. Well the day after our 19 months mark, our social worker took the liberty (likely with the approval of the US agency), to send such a letter. I got very excited when I read that!

Thanks for your support and prayers! We so blessed to have so many family and friends supporting us in this journey. Lord bless you today!

Letter to our Child

Dear Sweet Child,

As we wait for you, I know you are already ours. I know you are out there. You may be just a few kilometers away or you may be on another island in a different part of this country. I don't know your name or your face yet but you already have life inside our hearts. There isn't a day that goes by that we do not think about you.

I often daydream about you. I wonder who is taking care of you and what you are doing and feeling. I wonder what hurts you are are carrying and how they have affected you. I think about the joy we will have when we see you grow and develop as you receive love and healing.

I think about what our days will be like when you and I have all day to spend together while your daddy is at work. I know that I will be the one to take care of you and we will find fun things to do together. I think about the weekends when both your daddy and I get to spend time with you and what good times we will have. Your daddy is very fun to be with. You are going to really like being with him. I know that we will do a lot of laughing together.

I pray for you every day. I pray that you know that you are loved and wanted, that you are special and have value, and that you have a home waiting for you. I pray that Jesus is very near to you, watching over you and speaking words of Life to you. I pray that you know you were created for a purpose and that Jesus and your Mommy and your Daddy love you very much. I pray that the people who are taking care of you are doing a good job and showing you love.

Your daddy and I have waited so long for you. We can't wait for the day we finally meet you and hold you in our arms. There is no other child that we want but you. It's only a matter of time till we are together.

Love,

Mommy

Empty Nest

I have a new schedule at the clinic. I now only work on Friday and Sunday - usually night shift from 10 to 7. No more 12 hour shifts. This, along with the fact that we have pretty much done everything we can to get our home ready for our child, has left me with a bit of extra unexpected time on my hands lately. This past week I haven't known what to do with myself. For the first time in years I felt like I did during my first year in Thailand. Bored. A little lonely. Slightly depressed. I've avoided thinking about it much and have instead tried to push through with getting stuff done that I've been putting off and making plans to be useful during this strange period of time of unknown length till we become parents. (I do have a few things in the works, which are sure to keep me busy but just haven't gotten going yet.)

I think the extra alone time the past few weeks and the empty days have really magnified the state of our quiet, childless home. I was feeling quite positive about my last days of childlessness last week but this week, I have swung the other way - moping around the house thinking about our child, and feeling like my days are pointless. I think I am beginning to feel a real, tangible empty space in our home and hearts for this unknown child. Not that I am lacking something emotionally and in need of a child to fill in an unhealthy, co-dependent way - I don't think that's it. I don't know how else to describe it. It just feels so obvious that something is missing. Perhaps it's the knowing our child is out there. I am 90% sure he/she is alive and being cared for by someone else and here I am available, with empty arms in a quiet house.

I think I've done relatively well with the wait so far but if this week is any indication of how the rest of the wait is going to be, it may be safe to say that this is getting more difficult for me. But it's a different kind of difficult. Before it was us wanting children in general and having to wait but now it is us already having a child that just hasn't been given to us yet. It's as if I'm in this place of experiencing emptiness and lack so that the being filled is that much sweeter (this is the hopeful way of looking at it) - like when we sometimes go through times of desert and dryness spiritually only to be filled again, and how those dark times better enable us to experience joy. I suppose this undercurrent of sad emptiness is just the discernible presence of a vacancy designed for something wonderful, yet to come, soon to be filled. God I hope It's not long. I'm starting to get tired of hearing myself talk about this.

The Last Days of Childlessness (0-12 months to go!)

I realized something this morning. These are the last days of childlessness. These are the last days in this unexpectedly long journey to become a mommy. You could say this journey started six years ago when Andrey and I decided we were ready to start trying for a child, but in reality this journey began when I realized as a child that I would one day be a mommy. Of course I would. The desire has been there for decades and I never considered it being any other way.

I recall being in my early-mid 20's and experiencing for the first time a physical ache to bear a child whenever I was around a baby. I guess that was the biological clock chiming in. I always knew I'd have a child someday. I just didn't think it would take this long.

So this realization I had this morning, that these are the LAST DAYS of childlessness, brought to mind the fact that although this wait is long, it WILL come to an end - likely in the next six months! And if not in the next 6 months, then in the next year for SURE*. In the big picture, and considering how long we've waited so far, this is not much time left. The light at the end of the tunnel is in view and is steadily getting bigger as we get closer.

*On June 8th, we will be 18 months into our projected wait of 18-30 months (we were previously told 12-24 months but that has recently changed). Several families in the past month were matched after waiting ~24 months. We are hoping that will be the case for us as well.

In these days, I am praying that God would prepare us for the child(ren) he has planned for us, and that he would be preparing that child for our family. I am not expecting a "normal" child. I believe all adopted children have some degree of special needs, considering the amount of loss they have experienced in the process of becoming an orphan. Most adopted children have some level of developmental delay and many have attachment issues. I believe with good care, most of these children can catch up and learn to bond effectively (these things are very interrelated, as a child's ability to bond and attach set up the necessary context in which they are able to properly grow and develop). Aside from the best-case scenario described above, I have learned that there may be some more severe "special needs" present, such as mild to severe physical and neurological disabilities. On our adoption group, I have heard of many families who applied for a "normal" child and learned some time after they received their child that one or more significant conditions were present - that were either unidentifiable at a young age or were not discovered due to lack of adequate medical care. Some of these conditions are such that if known previously, would classify the child as "special needs."

These stories and others remind me that, just like with a biological child, you do not know what you will be faced with. And while we hope and pray that our child will have the least issues possible, the prayer I pray more frequently is that we would be prepared to accept and love our child regardless of his/her issues and that we would have the grace, wisdom, compassion and strength it will take to properly care for that child. For we are not guaranteed an easy road. What this long wait has taught me is that my joy and fulfillment in life is not contingent on things working out the way I expect. My joy is rooted in faith in my God who is good, loving, faithful, all-powerful and who will equip me with everything I need to accomplish and fulfill what he has prepared for me. He is my anchor and my hope is in him.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23