Letter to our Child

Dear Sweet Child,

As we wait for you, I know you are already ours. I know you are out there. You may be just a few kilometers away or you may be on another island in a different part of this country. I don't know your name or your face yet but you already have life inside our hearts. There isn't a day that goes by that we do not think about you.

I often daydream about you. I wonder who is taking care of you and what you are doing and feeling. I wonder what hurts you are are carrying and how they have affected you. I think about the joy we will have when we see you grow and develop as you receive love and healing.

I think about what our days will be like when you and I have all day to spend together while your daddy is at work. I know that I will be the one to take care of you and we will find fun things to do together. I think about the weekends when both your daddy and I get to spend time with you and what good times we will have. Your daddy is very fun to be with. You are going to really like being with him. I know that we will do a lot of laughing together.

I pray for you every day. I pray that you know that you are loved and wanted, that you are special and have value, and that you have a home waiting for you. I pray that Jesus is very near to you, watching over you and speaking words of Life to you. I pray that you know you were created for a purpose and that Jesus and your Mommy and your Daddy love you very much. I pray that the people who are taking care of you are doing a good job and showing you love.

Your daddy and I have waited so long for you. We can't wait for the day we finally meet you and hold you in our arms. There is no other child that we want but you. It's only a matter of time till we are together.

Love,

Mommy

Jenifer Sawchenko, CPM... I like the look of that!

I'm a Certified Professional Midwife!!

Word of my official certification arrived in the mail this week to my parent's house. I am delighted to say that I'm a bona fide midwife and it feels good.

In case you were wondering, I have included a description of a CPM from the NARM website:

A Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) is a knowledgeable, skilled and professional independent midwifery practitioner who has met the standards for certification set by the North American Registry of Midwives (NARM) and is qualified to provide the Midwives Model of Care. The CPM is the only international credential that requires knowledge about and experience in out-of-hospital settings.

The Midwives Model of Care is based on the fact that pregnancy and birth are normal life events. The Midwives Model of Care includes:

• monitoring the physical, psychological and social well-being of the mother throughout the childbearing cycle;
• providing the mother with individualized education, counseling and prenatal care, continuous hands-on assistance during labor and delivery and postpartum support;
• minimizing technological interventions; and
• identifying and referring women who require obstetrical attention.

The application of this model has been proven to reduce the incidence of birth injury, trauma and cesarean section.

Copyright © 1996-2001, Midwifery Task Force All Rights Reserved

Empty Nest

I have a new schedule at the clinic. I now only work on Friday and Sunday - usually night shift from 10 to 7. No more 12 hour shifts. This, along with the fact that we have pretty much done everything we can to get our home ready for our child, has left me with a bit of extra unexpected time on my hands lately. This past week I haven't known what to do with myself. For the first time in years I felt like I did during my first year in Thailand. Bored. A little lonely. Slightly depressed. I've avoided thinking about it much and have instead tried to push through with getting stuff done that I've been putting off and making plans to be useful during this strange period of time of unknown length till we become parents. (I do have a few things in the works, which are sure to keep me busy but just haven't gotten going yet.)

I think the extra alone time the past few weeks and the empty days have really magnified the state of our quiet, childless home. I was feeling quite positive about my last days of childlessness last week but this week, I have swung the other way - moping around the house thinking about our child, and feeling like my days are pointless. I think I am beginning to feel a real, tangible empty space in our home and hearts for this unknown child. Not that I am lacking something emotionally and in need of a child to fill in an unhealthy, co-dependent way - I don't think that's it. I don't know how else to describe it. It just feels so obvious that something is missing. Perhaps it's the knowing our child is out there. I am 90% sure he/she is alive and being cared for by someone else and here I am available, with empty arms in a quiet house.

I think I've done relatively well with the wait so far but if this week is any indication of how the rest of the wait is going to be, it may be safe to say that this is getting more difficult for me. But it's a different kind of difficult. Before it was us wanting children in general and having to wait but now it is us already having a child that just hasn't been given to us yet. It's as if I'm in this place of experiencing emptiness and lack so that the being filled is that much sweeter (this is the hopeful way of looking at it) - like when we sometimes go through times of desert and dryness spiritually only to be filled again, and how those dark times better enable us to experience joy. I suppose this undercurrent of sad emptiness is just the discernible presence of a vacancy designed for something wonderful, yet to come, soon to be filled. God I hope It's not long. I'm starting to get tired of hearing myself talk about this.

Rain and some Exercise Success

Oh thank God hot season has come to an end! For the past few weeks we haven't needed the electric fan in addition to the air-con in our bedroom at night. It's starting raining in the middle of the night and here and there during the day. The middle-of-the-night rains are heavy, loud downpours that usually wake us up. I usually find them a bit frightening but I think part of that is because of my half-asleep-half-awake state in which the forcefulness of the rain feels as if it is going to sweep us away. It's still really hot during the day but at least the trend of cloudy days is beginning. This is the Cebu I can handle.

On a totally different topic, for the past three weeks, I have been exercising almost daily. Yep, daily. I can't recall many times, if ever, in my life when I've exercised daily (except those long-gone high school days of running track, cheerleading and strength training classes, which is where I got these [insert sarcastic tone] sweet-looking biceps I still have - ha ha!!).

I'm on a bit of a roll, I guess. It finally occurred to me about a month or so ago that exercise just isn't going to be convenient. I have to prioritize it and go out of my way to make it happen. Ideally, if consistent enough, it will become a habit. I know several people who are good at this and I've always convinced myself that those people have some special skill or ability that I don't. But then I started watching The Biggest Loser. I love this show. It is so inspiring. It's caused me to have a new dialogue. I now say to myself, If the people on that show can do it, then I for sure can do it!! No excuse, Jenifer!

And then I discovered exercise videos that can be purchased and downloaded on itunes. I mean, of course exercise videos are available on itunes, it's just that I never thought about it before. I was so happy to realize this because history has shown that I am much more likely to exercise regularly if I don't have to get in my car and drive somewhere to do it.

I am currently doing the "30 Day Shred" video and essentially have been working out for 20 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week. I am hoping I can keep it up. After joining my friend in India for a 20 minute workout led by Jillian Michaels (trainer on The Biggest Loser) in her home on her computer, I was inspired to do the same in my home. Doing that video also showed me how weak I really am. My irregular workouts at the gym and occasional jog-walks at the local running track just weren't cutting it. Go figure.

Andrey and I recently went to a local business park for a run. Andrey previously mapped out a 2.5km route. He has gone a few times without me to run around it twice. I went along for the first time a few weeks ago and was able to run once around the loop without stopping. Yes, I know 2.5 km, which is about 1.5 miles, may not seem like much but considering I usually never run for longer than a few minutes at a time without having to stop, I felt pretty good about running the whole thing without stopping. I have always despised running but I suppose it's something I can do if I work at it. For now, I am aiming to run the same route a week and try to improve on my time and eventually distance. I get bored pretty easily and need variety in exercise, so the occasional run is a nice break from the Jillian Michaels (ass-kicker) "shred."

Training with Jillian has been good for me. When I was running I had some Jillian-inspired self-talk that kept me running to the end. "I am strong and awesome. I can do this. When I get tired, my strong legs will carry me." I just have a disastrous history with exercise but it's something I've really, really wanted to get better at for a really long time. Not because I think I need to lose weight or anything (although I'll be delighted if I can lose 5 pounds so I have a little breathing room in some of my pants that have recently gotten a bit tight) but because it is just SO. EFFING. IMPORTANT! I've known this, of course, for a really long time, but haven't been able to carry through and be consistent.

But now (ever since I identified and treated the anemia I was dealing with unknowingly for many years), I am experience some success when I exercise. I feel stronger and my energy levels have gone up. I am so stoked about this! I wasn't noticing much change at first and I was beginning to get discouraged and then Andrey and I played tennis together last weekend and I was able to play longer with less need for breaks to catch my breath. Yes! All this motivates me to keep it up.

So the fact that my goal is a mere 20 minutes a day, it helps me push through and get it done. When I try to put it off and my lazy mind starts to kick in, I just tell myself, It's TWENTY minutes. It will be over soon. And then I think about drinking a delicious post-workout banana and yogurt milkshake (yummy!) as a reward and so I push through and get it done.

The Last Days of Childlessness (0-12 months to go!)

I realized something this morning. These are the last days of childlessness. These are the last days in this unexpectedly long journey to become a mommy. You could say this journey started six years ago when Andrey and I decided we were ready to start trying for a child, but in reality this journey began when I realized as a child that I would one day be a mommy. Of course I would. The desire has been there for decades and I never considered it being any other way.

I recall being in my early-mid 20's and experiencing for the first time a physical ache to bear a child whenever I was around a baby. I guess that was the biological clock chiming in. I always knew I'd have a child someday. I just didn't think it would take this long.

So this realization I had this morning, that these are the LAST DAYS of childlessness, brought to mind the fact that although this wait is long, it WILL come to an end - likely in the next six months! And if not in the next 6 months, then in the next year for SURE*. In the big picture, and considering how long we've waited so far, this is not much time left. The light at the end of the tunnel is in view and is steadily getting bigger as we get closer.

*On June 8th, we will be 18 months into our projected wait of 18-30 months (we were previously told 12-24 months but that has recently changed). Several families in the past month were matched after waiting ~24 months. We are hoping that will be the case for us as well.

In these days, I am praying that God would prepare us for the child(ren) he has planned for us, and that he would be preparing that child for our family. I am not expecting a "normal" child. I believe all adopted children have some degree of special needs, considering the amount of loss they have experienced in the process of becoming an orphan. Most adopted children have some level of developmental delay and many have attachment issues. I believe with good care, most of these children can catch up and learn to bond effectively (these things are very interrelated, as a child's ability to bond and attach set up the necessary context in which they are able to properly grow and develop). Aside from the best-case scenario described above, I have learned that there may be some more severe "special needs" present, such as mild to severe physical and neurological disabilities. On our adoption group, I have heard of many families who applied for a "normal" child and learned some time after they received their child that one or more significant conditions were present - that were either unidentifiable at a young age or were not discovered due to lack of adequate medical care. Some of these conditions are such that if known previously, would classify the child as "special needs."

These stories and others remind me that, just like with a biological child, you do not know what you will be faced with. And while we hope and pray that our child will have the least issues possible, the prayer I pray more frequently is that we would be prepared to accept and love our child regardless of his/her issues and that we would have the grace, wisdom, compassion and strength it will take to properly care for that child. For we are not guaranteed an easy road. What this long wait has taught me is that my joy and fulfillment in life is not contingent on things working out the way I expect. My joy is rooted in faith in my God who is good, loving, faithful, all-powerful and who will equip me with everything I need to accomplish and fulfill what he has prepared for me. He is my anchor and my hope is in him.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23

Blind Beggar Recovers Sight!

Tonight we were approached at a stop light by a woman who appeared to be blind begging with the assistance of a young boy. We rolled down the window and greeted them and offered some packages of peanuts. "Hello! Would you like some peanuts?" They both smiled and I could see the "blind" woman's eye crack open a little to see where these strange voices were coming from. Then she tilted her head and squinted both eyes open just enough to really check us out as she walked away. I guess the sounds of two foreigners were just too interesting not to get a good look at. Andrey and I found this very amusing. Your gig is up lady but we would have given you peanuts anyway.

Correction

Please excuse my mistake. 1,156,897,766 is over 1 billion, not over 1 trillion as I originally posted in my list of facts about India. Clearly I get lost when there are more than a few zeros. For all I know there are a kazillion people around here! It's crowded!

The Republic of India

Andrey and I are going to India for two weeks on Monday. We've known for a little while that Andrey would be traveling to four cities in India this month to visit other offices with his boss. It never occurred to me to go with him until a spouse of one of the directors encouraged me to come. It didn't take long to realize this was a great opportunity that wouldn't be easy to pass up. I certainly won't have the same freedom once the kiddos come along. Besides, more stuff to keep me distracted while we wait, the better. The trip will take us to Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai, and Kolkata.

Neither of us have ever been to India. We both feel it is something we just need to experience. I'm so glad we'll get to do that together. Andrey will be busy most days with work stuff, which means I'll have a lot of free time to explore and hang out with the few people I know. Fortunately, I've had the opportunity to get to know a few of the spouses of other field directors in Chennai and Bangalore, and they both have offered to host us and hang out with me while we're in town. In Mumbai we'll get to meet and hang out with a couple of women introduced to us by some of our friends in our church community here in Cebu. They have a midwifery/doula business in Mumbai and are involved in numerous outreaches to the poor. They have agreed to let us join them for a few days and see what they do. We'll have some time in Mumbai at the end of our trip when Andrey is finished with work and we can explore the city together before we head back to Cebu.

For a country that represents such a huge proportion of the world's population (and the world's poor), I figure I should know a few things about it.

India Facts
(taken from The CIA World Factbook: www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/ unless otherwise noted)

• India's population of 1,156,897,766 (that's over 1 trillion!) is second only to China for the world's most populated country (July 2009 est.)

• India has 3.75 times as many people as the US in about a third the amount of land as the US

• Maternal mortality rate: 540 per 100,000 live births (Compare to 200 in the Philippines, 14 in the US, 5 in Canada) World Health Organization
  

• Infant mortality rate: 50.78 per 100,000 live births (Compare to 20.56 in the Philippines, 6.22 in the US, 5.04 in Canada)

• Fertility rate (average number of children per woman): 2.68 (Compare to 3.27 in the Philippines, 2.05 in the US, 1.58 in Canada. The country with the highest fertility rate is Niger, 7.75)

• Religions: Hindu 80.5%, Muslim 13.4%, Christian 2.3%, Sikh 1.9%, other 1.8%, unspecified 0.1% (2001 census)

• Languages: English enjoys the status of subsidiary official language but is the most important language for national, political, and commercial communication; Hindi is the most widely spoken language and primary tongue of 41% of the people; there are 14 other official languages: Bengali, Telugu, Marathi, Tamil, Urdu, Gujarati, Malayalam, Kannada, Oriya, Punjabi, Assamese, Kashmiri, Sindhi, and Sanskrit; Hindustani is a popular variant of Hindi/Urdu spoken widely throughout northern India but is not an official language (2001 census)

• Capitol of India: New Delhi

• Government type: Federal republic

• Gained independence from the UK in 1947

• Legal system: Based on English common law; judicial review of legislative acts; separate personal law codes apply to Christians, Hindus, and Muslims

"Brown Out" during the Night Shift

I'm not sure why Filipinos call a power outage a brown out. When the power goes out in the Philippines, there isn't even a little power coming through. There is simply no power. Last night while at work at the clinic, we had a "brown out."

Thankfully my patient delivered ~30 minutes before the delivery room went dark (and I might add that she delivered ~30 minutes after I arrived and was told she was only 4 centimeters dilated and not in active labor! Just goes to show you should never think you know how fast or how slow a woman will have her baby. And you better listen when a woman says she's needs to push. At least there is usually a very clear difference between a 'i think maybe i need to push' urge and the urge that can. not. be. stopped. That baby is coming! Can you say 'precipitous labor'!?). It was already oppressively hot. Accompany that with the loss of the electric fan and the sweat that was already beading on my forehead quickly began pouring down my face as well as every bodily crevice. Breathable cotton undergarments? That don't make no difference when they're drenched, child. Believe you me.

Ode to hot season in the Philippines

There is a heat the rest of the year that becomes bearable. That not when it's summertime in the Philippines. The word hot takes on new meaning. "I don't remember it being this bad last year!" Oh how quickly we forget.

Summertime.

When you daydream about a city-sized dehumidifier. When the aircon barely makes a dent and the electric fan becomes a must add-on. When you uncharacteristically desire a walk by the river on a windy winter day in Saskatoon. When you lose your mind with disgust for your present stickiness and plan your days to stay close to home and that "cold" shower. When the cold shower isn't cold anymore!!! When you resort to drinking salt water to replace the massive salty water loss. When you can drink 4 glasses of water in 15 minutes and still not have the urge to pee! When looking on the bright side has you thinking, "I must at least be sweating out some toxins!"

Our brown out, which lasted about an hour afforded me the unique opportunity to suture in a very romantic setting - by candle light. The only thing is, you can't get the light source very close to the patient or you will sacrifice the sterile field (or light your patient on fire). Thankfully we also had a small flashlight and an extra visiting volunteer to hold it while I sutured. This was a first for me. The power came on just as I was tying off so I was able to inspect the stitches clearly to ensure I did a decent enough job. Success.

Our patient is positive for hepatitis B but did not prepare the essential immunoglobulin injection for her baby after months of reminders. They simply didn't have the money. And the clinic just so happened to be out of hepatitis B vaccine, which all babies get. When the clinic is out of hepa-B vaccine it usually reflects a city or province-wide shortage as sometimes even the Department of Health is "out of stock." Nice. This baby first needed the hepatitis B vaccine injection, to be followed by the immunoglobulin 6-12 hours later.

What to do? We sent the patient's husband out to look for the vaccine with borrowed money from the clinic. The patient and her husband only had 500 pesos (~$11) to their name. It was after 10 pm. He didn't come back till after 11:30 reporting the pharmacies he went to were out of stock. This baby really needed this vaccine.

Thankfully I had my car. He and I went to seven different pharmacies before we found the vaccine. It took over an hour, driving all around town to find it. Thank God we did.

That was my first shift since the end of March (what a way to come back to work!) and my last 12-hour shift in a while. We are trying out a new schedule format next month with 8-9 hour shifts. At least then I will be showering off 9 hours of unimpeded sweat instead of 12. I wonder if I will notice a difference.

Getting Ready for Baby

Since we found out that we'll only have a few weeks after getting the call till we can pick up our child, we've been in serious baby preparation mode. We've been working on a few house projects getting our new room (we'll be moving into the guest bedroom that adjoins to the baby room) ready, as well as the baby room and the bathroom that connects the two rooms. We've added shelves, re-grouted tiles, replaced parts of the wood floor and old wall panels. We installed a hand bidet (which will double as a diaper sprayer). Once these projects are done we'll move into our new room and will be able to get the baby room all set up with the crib/toddler bed we bought. Then we'll get the shelves organized and filled with what we have for a child of unknown age, size, and gender. So what does one buy for such an unknown child? Things like clothes can not be bought yet but there are plenty of other things we've been able to prepare. This has served as a welcome distraction during our waiting.

On our recent trip the US, we were able to bring back LOTS of baby stuff that I either ordered, shopped for, or was given by grandparents, aunts & uncles. I can't remember being so excited about stuff before!

Andrey doesn't get this but when I buy something new I love to show him what I got. Since you are all so far away (you, being all the ladies in my life that would actually be interested in this), I will do a little show and tell here. And perhaps it will serve as a list to other adopted parents of things they can prepare prior to know the exact age/gender of their child.

Diapers

I've decided to try out two systems. Pocket diapers and prefolds with covers.

• 14 one-size pocket diapers, Babyland brand. They came with 28 inserts.

• A dozen cotton prefolds - size medium
  

• Two Thirsties diaper covers - size medium (for 15-30 pounds, which should cover an average baby from 6 months to 2 years)

• Two Bummis Super Whisper Wraps - size medium

• I also got a couple of nylon pull on pants (super cheap) that I figured were worth a try. I read some use them as extra protection for over night.
  

• I also bought this adorable little swim diaper. I bought a baby blue long-sleeved swim top (also called a rash guard) to go with it. It only came in a size for age 1 but I couldn't pass it up. If it's too small for our child, we'll give it to our adorable niece Annika.
  

Diaper accessories

• Diaper pail liner - Planet Wise. I got two so I have another to use while the one is in the wash with the dirty diapers.
  

• Dirty diaper bags - for travel
  

Natural Baby Co. - holds 2-3 diapers, great for short day trips

Planet Wise wet/dry bag - holds ~20 diapers, for overnight trips

• Snappi diaper fasteners - for the prefolds
  

• Bummis Bio-Soft flushable liners - biodegradable inserts for use inside diapers so solids are easily flushed away. I have a few friends who really like using these.
  

• Cloth baby wipes - My Aunt and my Mom made me dozens of cloth wipes. The photo here is what my Aunt made - all from leftover fabric she had lying around. With what my mom made (she made me some wipes out of soft sherpa fabric, which is so soft!), I think we are covered as far as wipes and washcloths go. They also stocked us up on some very cute burp rags. Thanks Mom and Jan!

• Diaper bag - Skip Hop Deluxe Duo. I asked Andrey if this print was neutral enough for him to not mind carrying. He agreed at the time but I now wonder if it is neutral enough. Too late now. I just love this print and it will go with everything and will double as a purse as well.
  

Toiletries

• Diaper rash cream, body wash/shampoo, baby wipe spray and some supplies to make my own (witch hazel, tea tree oil, lavender...), spray-on sunblock for kids, nail clippers

Medicine

• Last year I stocked up on a few herbal remedies for kids. Cough syrup, boo boo spray, immune support. These are things I can't just run out for when I have a sick kid. Of course we have pharmacies here with plenty of allopathic remedies but I'd like to do what I can with herbs first before I resort to pharmaceuticals.
  

Crib Bedding

• My brothers and sisters-in-law in Florida gave us two organic cotton fitted crib sheets in light brown and beige and a waterproof crib mattress cover, which I love. (Thank you Paul, Laura, Luke & Tonya!!)
  
• I bought a few light-weight receiving blankets in these prints
  

Feeding Supplies

• Sets of BPA-free plastic plates, bowls, travel containers for snacks, and a sippy cup with handles
  
• Kleen Kanteen water sippy (They come in different colors but I got stainless to match my adult version water bottle that I use everyday. So silly but I don't care. I love things that match.)
  

Baby Carriers

• Moby Wrap: My mother-in-law bought this for me about 4 years ago. Thanks, Mom! I can't wait to put your second grandchild in it! Although it does look a little warm - maybe I can use it when we go to Canada :-)
  

• Ergot Baby Carrier - Dear friends Colleen and Taj (Thanks ladies!!) pitched in to help me buy this carrier. I've had so many friends tell me how much they love theirs. I got one in chocolate brown.
  

Books: Thanks to our gracious parents, aunts, uncles and cousins, we have LOTS of children's books. I love the stock we are creating. Will need to get a book shelf for them. I'm going to start looking for some adoption-related story books, too. I've heard of some great ones out there. Thank you Moms, Mike, Lisa, Kit, Allen, Brenda, Wayne, Mairin, Alex, Graham, Joel & Katya!

We also have been given by our parents, Andrey's grandmother and cousins an assortment of knitted blankets, quilts (Andrey's mom made us a gorgeous quilt big enough for a double bed - amazing!), and hand-crocheted/knitted stuffed animals. Thank you Katya. Thank you Grandma. Thank you, Mom. We are so blessed!!

Things we plan to buy after we get matched

• Stroller & Car seat - will have the first grandparents who visit bring these from the States (much cheaper!)
  
• Feeding booster - can buy here
• Baby monitor - depending on age of child, can buy here
• Pack 'n Play?
  
• Clothes (of course!) - can't wait till I can buy clothes!
  
• A few toys
  
• Safety supplies (plastic socket covers and stuff like that - not exactly sure what else we'll need)

Am I forgetting anything?

In adoption time-line news, I recently heard that the Philippines Adoption Board is extending wait times from up to 24 months to up to 30 months. I know of two other couples, who like us don't have any kids yet (childless families usually get priority over those with other children). One has been waiting 22 months without a match, the other 21. Of course we have no idea what will happen but we're thinking it will more likely be toward the end of this year. We were told a wait time of 12-24 months but other families were told 18-24 months and most recently 18-30 months. May 8 will be 17 months for us.

Family Time Photos

We had a wonderful week in Virginia with family. Naturally, there are a LOT of photos of our newest niece, Annika. I told you she was cute!

Adoption Stories

This past weekend at the conference we attended I was blown away by the many people I met who have adopted internationally. It felt like all the adoptive families were coming out of the woodwork to find me and tell me their story and that they are praying for us. I felt so blessed and encouraged.

Two stories in particular, really encouraged me. (I won't go into much detail as I haven't asked permission to share their stories.)

I met a woman, similar age to me, married a similar number of years, no biological children, who adopted internationally a year ago. She and her husband went to the Eastern Europe planning to bring home two children and ended up with four. Her story was rich with joy and thankfulness for what God has done. Meeting her reminded me to remain open to whatever the Lord has for us in this adoption - be it one or two (or more!) children. This came at a good time as I have been stressing out lately about the idea of two children, not feeling sure I'm ready for it if it happens. Her story has put this in perspective for me. Meeting her was great as she's the first adoptive mother I'm met that doesn't already have a biological child. I could really relate to her.

Andrey and I were introduced to an American couple who struggled for years to have a baby. They have endured a huge amount of loss in their journey to become parents. They shared with us how they were presented with a choice between continuing to pursue fertility or applying for a job that may take them overseas to a country where fertility specialists are not available. They prayed and made the difficult decision to relinquish their hopes of a successful pregnancy in order to follow where they felt God was leading them. Not long after, they were shocked to learn that she had become pregnant for the first time without the help of fertility treatment and she is currently well into her pregnancy. A total miracle! Even though I was meeting this couple for the first time I couldn't help but tear up when I heard their story. I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness. We then shared a bit of our story with them and they prayed for us and our desire to become parents, which really blessed us. Another divine connection.

These are just a few experiences from this past weekend that served to remind us that our Creator is so involved in every detail of our lives and our hopes for a family. It confirmed to me that we are exactly where we are meant to be. There is much more to share but the point is that when we release our deep desires to God and let him bring about his purpose in our lives in his timing and in his way, there is a greater joy and blessing in it than if we hold tightly to our plans and make them happen in our own strength. I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him
and he will direct your paths
Proverbs 3:5-6