That's it. It's out there. It's really out there.

At some point today the Philippines government became aware or our intention to adopt a Filipino child or two. Our home study, which was recently completed and more recently approved and endorsed by our adoption agency was submitted to the Inter-Country Adoption Board of the Philippines. That's it. Now they have it. It's out there. Out of our hands.
I'm finding the uncertain nature of the time-line until we actually become parents unsettling. Although it's not likely (so we are told), we could technically be matched with a child in 6 months! Alternatively, it could be 12 months, 18 months, or even 24 months. How do you prepare for something like this?

Maybe it's like living with the awareness of your mortality. Sure, we all know we should love today as if it were our last - oh boy, now I'm comparing adoption to death, not at all my intention just stick with me. My point is that we don't usually live today as if it were our last but if we actually knew for a fact that we were going to die tomorrow we would certainly live differently - taking advantage of every opportunity and not wasting time on things that aren't important.

What I'm getting at here is my midwifery degree. I REALLY want to complete my program (set end of 2009) and pass a licensing exam (set for early 2010) and become a midwife. Even if I won't be able to practice as a midwife for a while - at least I will have the credential that will allow me to step into it when the time is right. Completing my degree is very attainable if our adoption is typical of other Philippines adoptions. It's attainable if I continue to work at it at a reasonable pace. Now let's say that I become a mommy sooner than I think (prior to 2010). I would have to work much harder at getting it done sooner.

The other thing is that with the midwifery stuff I have very little time to delve deeply into adoption preparation resources right now. Up until this point I've felt like I have some time so it's okay if I don't dive into it right away. But if I knew I was getting a child in a few months I think I'd wished I did more reading earlier. I really should be focusing more on that right now just in case.

I think I may have a hard time switching gears from one time-consuming goal to another. It's hard to go back and forth. At least with midwifery, I get more assignments done when I build up some momentum but once I take a break because of travel or a visitor in town or something then it really takes me a while to get back into it. Isn't multi-tasking a prerequisite for successful parenting? What does that say about me? Obviously with kids it will be different as you can't just leave a kid on your desk and pretend you don't see it.

I am so excited about having children that I am more than willing, at that point to throw midwifery out the window - at least for a little while until we adjust as a family. I know I'll still be able to finish my degree at a later date if we do get a child before the end of '09 - but will I want to? I really have no idea what I'm going to want later on. I know I will want to take care of my kids and not have to squeeze school in somehow. I think midwifery will be an excellent way to serve the poor in other places we may live or to have a practice in North America should we live there again. But I don't envision myself working a lot while our kids are young. A little at some point would be great but not a lot. And then when our kids are older then I might consider a midwifery practice. Oh heck I really have no idea. Normally I am totally fine with uncertainty and not knowing what is next - but that's when it was only me and Andrey in the equation. Having kids is going to change everything. The question is, how much do I change now - in the anticipation of having kids at some unknown date?